Thursday, August 10, 2006

Just like me (almost)


The guards at the tomb of the unknown soldier have an interesting job. Amazingly similar to me at my job. Let’s check it out:

Guards: They take 21 steps to walk across the tomb of the unknown soldier. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.
Me: I take 21 steps from my cube to the bathroom; the highest honor given to my bladder.

Guards: They take 21 seconds of hesitation before making their about face for the same reason as above.
Me: It takes me 21 seconds of hesitation to remember what meeting I’m walking to before making an about face to go the right direction to the meeting

Guards: They do not carry their rifles on the same shoulder at all times. He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.
Me: I do not carry my laptop bag on the same shoulder at all times. Contrary to the damn advertising about them being light, that bag gets fucking heavy so I switch shoulders to even out the pain.

Guards: They are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.
Me: My management change their minds every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.

Guards: The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone
Me: My first six months on the job nobody wanted to talk to the new guy anyway

Guards: All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery
Me: All my time is spent fantasizing how to get laid by the 175 notable people (hot women) working around me (just kidding Suz. Really)

Guards: They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives
Me: Fuckin’ aye; I’m right there with ‘em

1 comment:

House of Suz said...

Ok, that last one got me. Fuck that shit.