Friday, September 01, 2006

The Match Game Part 2 - Appearance

That’s right, we are still building a Match.com profile together. Isn’t it fun? If you missed earlier parts of this, scroll on down to prior posts!

Part 2: My Appearance…

What best describes your eye color? Bloodshot isn’t there. Go with the honest answer. What does it matter anyway, like they're going to dismiss some bronzed musclebound God just because they have brown eyes and not blue or green eyes. Right! Of course, if they "protruding google eyes" or "Stevie Wonder eyes", then you might have to reconsider this category, but as it stands it's a non-event.

What color is your hair? I know. You don’t have any. But improvise. You must have had some at one point, didn’t you? They’re testing your intelligence here again because they’ve got gray, bald, salt-and-pepper as choices on this one. Yeah, right! George Clooney putting "salt-and-pepper": sexy. You: icky.

Body Art? Probably not best to announce the fact that you have your favorite stripper tattooed on your forehead. Just go with “Strategically placed tattoo”. You don’t want to put “None”. That’ll just attract the religious types that won’t put out. Women with a tattoo are 40% more likely to put out than women without one. I made that up of course, but it sounded impressive, didn’t it?

Brag a little: What's your best feature? Yeah, it sounds like a golden opportunity, doesn’t it? Nice try. It’s another pre-populated drop-down list. That’s sort of like going to the dentist and having him ask you something you really want to answer but cannot because you’ve got 18 shots of Novocain and are drooling a new reservoir for your city water supply. But I digress… There are more trick choices on here. I mean, what guy is going to put “lips” on here? Neck? Come on. Feet? Feet are gross. If that’s your best feature, yikes. Leave it blank, it's a no win proposition. You answer and you are narccistic. Women; they can somehow get away with putting something on this without the same repurcussions.

Whew. Ok, this section was another tough one. Ok, look for the next post when we get into Interests. Should be a good one…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i want to smack u 100 time for wasting 100 seconds that it took to read your 100things o'bullshit.. i hope you live to 101 years and get advanced alzheimer's by 35yrs of age.