Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Not so Magical Kingdom

Let’s play the “What will you do game”. Hey, your four year old cousin somehow ends up at your place and you have to entertain them for the next 2-3 hours. Cousin is a very sensitive child and gets scared or upset easily. What to do? Sure, easy; let’s head down to the video store and we’ll get a Disney animated classic and let them watch that. They are so wholesome.

But wait there just one minute; somethings not quite right in the Magic Castle there Mickey....

Snow White. Sure, cute and funny dwarfs but what about that Wicked Queen Grimhilde; now there’s some light hearted animation….not! This will give ‘em nightmares for sure.

Pinnochio. Maybe it's just me, but something is seriously wrong about portraying a boy with a long woody! Also, it has great mentoring material when they head to that Island and start smoking and playing pool and all turn into donkeys. Nice one Disney.

Fantasia. Yeah right. Sort of what kids would come up with on LSD. Not that they’d ever figure that out but have you seen the really scary devil monster in it? Funny how they never made a stuffed toy version of that!

Bambi. Awwww, a story about some cute little deer. Nothing traumatic there. Until they kill the off the mother and leave the audience traumatized, that is. Oh, and let’s not forget the forest fire; that’ll freak them out…

Cinderella. Oh sure, let’s subject them to slavery and cruelty through the Evil step mother and cruel/spoiled step sisters. Ok, happy ending but nice job screwing them up along the way!

Yes, it seems they all have something wrong or disturbing:
- Sleeping Beauty: Witch turns into a scary fire breathing dragon…
- Little Mermaid: Yeah, just watch the ending if you don’t think they’ll need a
Pampers change after the movie.
- Toy Story: Sadistic Sid…a bit much for the four year old

No, you name the movie and you’ll find something freakin’ scary or inappropriate for young kids. The exception: Winnie the Pooh. Yes, it’s the one movie that has no evil villain, no devious plots, no questionable content. I guess when you make over 100 animated kids movies you’re bound to slip up and get one right.

So the game question becomes, what do you have them watch?


Vivalacrap said...

The NOGIN channel. DER. There is nothing scarey in Maisy.

Besides cartoons are for grown ups now. Emporers new groove, Nemo, Shark Tales... yeah those all had a bunch of grown up jokes in em. I mean seriously, I own the Emporers NG because I like to watch it. Kid? Never seen it.

Anonymous said...

Disney is evil and always has been. I saw go for the Warner classics where they can still learn sadism (Bugs Bunny), racism (Speedy Gonzalez), and sexism (Pepe Le Peu) and get a laugh or two. Disney teaches those lessons sans laughing.

House of Suz said...

Cars, Toy Story, Nemo, all for adults.

Anonymous said...

oh, just show him the Terminator series. Life's rough, and the kid's gotta learn that some time.

Unknown said...

Pooh has Heffalumps. So there IS a bad-guy!
Also, in the Tigger Movie, Tigger has no family and is all on his own, searching for someone to love him. Way to go, disney. Lets have my 3year old son watch tigger ask why his parents left him, because I really needed him to ask where his father he's never met left him, huh? Oh joy. So glad I forked out $50 for THAT wholesome family experience (in public no less)

Ed said...

Pooh has heffalumps...sounds like a social disease!