Sunday, November 05, 2006

Hospital Hoedown

I hate hospitals. They smell, they're creepy, and they are very depressing. I spent the entire weekend in one visiting my father. He was only there for a gall bladder surgery; pretty routine. But what the hell is up with the nursing staff? Could they be any fatter? Where are these nurses you see on TV? On TV I guess... Is it some kind of pre-requisite to be wider than you are tall? Do they require a year's internship at Krispy Creme before you can work in a hospital? These people are giving health advice?

The other thing about the hospital experience is all the waiting. Whether it is the Emergency or as an actual inpatient, they keep you waiting uninformed as long as they feel you can possibly stand it...and then they go a bit further. Why not? You're a captive audience for them. You're not going to crawl out of there doubled over. They got ya!

Maybe with all the health care costs and the long waiting they should implement a self serve process. You know, minor surgery could be done by you or a family member. Rather than having to deal with anyone directly, you simply get your suture equipment and picture instruction manual from the surgical vending machine and do it yourself. That would save on costs and beds!

Oh, and why do they still have those ridiculous gowns with the two single ties in the back. Now maybe if the hospital were full of beautiful supermodels having some dried skin removed or something then perhaps I wouldn't complain about this, but these people in the hospital are not super or a model by any means and I certainly don't want to ruin my retnas on an accidental shot of them in one of those gowns. You'd think with all the modern innovations we have that they could at least come up with a better design for these!

So all said, I just hope I never get sick. Just kill me early so I don't have to go through all of that!

4 comments:

House of Suz said...

If we kill you early you won't get one of your resolutions taken care of.

Kurt said...

I actually did assist the doctor with a procedure at the hospital once when they were understaffed, but I didn't get paid.

Variant E said...

Suz...ooh, a slight loophole in the live for ever resolution, huh? Well, at least if I'm only wounded I can count on Kurt to assist with the surgery since the damn hospitals are too busy!

Starlet said...

I think hospitals are awesome. My husband gets all freaked out about the shit and I am always like "yeah probably someone DIED right in this bed I am laying all over while we wait!!!"

Yeah. I think thats why he hates me.