Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentines the VE Way

Ok, I'm with my kids for this Valentines Day and that is fine with me...I need the dating break anyway. But I'll share last years story with you since you are such a kind audience...

I had a date with somebody I'd only been out with twice earlier and she proclaimed she wanted to see my "goofy side". Ok...I never knew I looked like Goofy (or even Pluto for that matter) but I'd give it the ol' College try.

Talk about your nightmare date scenarios. A last minute date (meaning no reservations would be had), Valentines day on a Tuesday, cold and rainy out, and now she wants to see my goofy side!

Fortunately VE is pretty clever and decides that he'll show her a unique valentine date that she has never experienced. How? Because I made it up. She was outgoing (a salesperson) so I reasoned that she wasn't shy at meeting people. So here's the date: I took her to the mall and sat her down on a bench and gave her four one dollar bills. I had four as well. We were going to play a little competition. Pay a dollar to hear "the most embarrasing thing that ever happened to you" from a complete stranger. Once you were out of dollars, you were done. If you asked somebody that wouldn't participate it was considered a "strike". Three strikes and you were done with the game as well. This meant that you had to choose wisely! We had to travel together and both hear the story so we could determine who was leading.

Ok, so off we go with our money in hand. She gets off to an early lead with a young guy that had been 'pantsed' in front of a large group at school. Oddly enough, I broke even with her from another pantsing story. Ok, a couple of strikes and dud stories later and I'm down to one dollar and she has two. We made a bee-line to Hot Topic and Spencers because those people must have wild and embarrasing stories. Sure enough, she scores what seemed like a winner. The gal at the register of Hot Topic walked into two people doing it in one of the changing rooms. It was a great story and I had serious pressure now. Somehow I'd wandered over to what was considered the "conservative" side of the mall near Nordstrom and Cheesecake Factory. These people couldn't possibly have embarassing stories! But a wild stroke of luck I hit a guy in this group and his wife says "oh...tell him the Taco Bell story".

So he launches off with this hillarious story about how he had to take a dump really bad so they stop at the Taco Bell and he runs into the bathroom and does his business but realizes there isn't any toilet paper. So in a panic, he rips his shorts and uses that material. But that causes the toilet to clog and then overflow with crap floating out onto the floor. In a panic, he runs out of the bathroom passed the people eating and into the car as the water is washing out into the dining area. Hilarious! Good luck finding anything better than that! Sure enough she bombs out on her last two dollars and the competition is done. Took about an hour. We headed out to a brewpub that had shuffleboards because who ever plays that? It was a fun way to eat, drink, and laugh about the competition! She told me that is was the most unique date she'd ever been on.

And now on this Valentine I am sharing it with you to use if you wish to...Happy V Day!


Gnomeself Be True said...

Someone in hollyweird is going to read this and turn it in to a game show.
Good luck collecting royalties.

Scary Monster said...

Amazing what you can get for eight bucks. Me likes your ingenuity. That be the only origional thing me has read during these past cupid days.

Shawna said...

Wow, I wish I could find a guy like that, totally awesome idea.

Anonymous said...

wow very creative!

Kurt said...

Wow - that sounds like a lot of fun for someone who talks to other people.

Unknown said...

I bow before you sir. That is great! You are a one of a kind my friend. She will never forget that date and you are now the most original guy she ever met.