Thursday, March 29, 2007

Out of Time

Damn, just when the money was really rolling in from my panhandlers pimping gig, wouldn't you know it but I was muscled out. Organized Crime? Naw, they aren't THAT organized. Actually, corporate Americas muscled me out. Yes, the real panhandlers were being systematically replaced with psuedo employees handing out coupons for crap I don't need. It didn't help to have those guys that swing the signs for liquidations and matress companies backing them up either.

So being as I'm out of the pimpin' business, I have decided to invest my money into a time machine. This is my best option for increased wealth.

Here is a list of things to do when I go back in time:

1. Offer the French just slightly more for the Lousiana Purchase than America did. I mean they got it for 3 cents an acre.

2. Buy Berkshire Hathaway stock in 1962 at $15 per share (it’s at $100,000 per share today)

3. Buy Manhattan from the Native Americas for $50 (hey, they sold it for $24!).

That should put me in a powerful and wealthy position for the future!
I think these three things would allow me to live comfortably in the future.


Unknown said...

You forgot to buy the swampland in Florida in 1948 before Disney started their landgrab. Not to sell it to Disney and make the money, but to keep Disney out of my state.


Kurt said...

Darn, I was going to buy one share a few years back when it was only $50,000.