Friday, April 13, 2007

New Wheels - Part 1

Well now that I have such popularity, I'm going to have to get a new vehicle. One that is unique. One that says you don't support more strip malls, fanchising, and model homes. But what should I do?

A hand made one. Maybe that's what I should do. That would certainly be original and personal wouldn't it? Ah, but with my engineering skills, I'm afraid this was the best I could do:
Hey, maybe I could just take an existing beater and add lots of tacky bumper stickers and knick knacks to it. Of course, my first attempt they wouldn't let me through the car wash and I hate washing my car by hand so I guess it's back to the drawing board.
Then I thought; women online dating are always calling men 'pigs'...why not give 'em what they want. Unfortunately, it just draws too many kids around. Sorry kids, I'm not Ronald McDonald or something. I just want to be unique.
I had my designeer searching far and wide for something really different. He brought me this, and I of course had to fire him on the spot. I don't care how in touch I am with my own manliness, I'm not driving a Care Bears van!
Hey, maybe I should stick with a basic car and then just add something really outrageous on it. Here's my attempt. Of course, Federated Legion of Protect the Lobster Society started picketing me so perhaps this wasn't the best choice.
So in the end, I'm still without a vehicle I can be happy and individualistic with. Stay tuned for my next round on this effort (that would be next post unless there is some shocking news to interupt it such as Anna Nicole's baby drools an incartation of Jesus or something truly remarkable like that).


3 comments:

Flawed & Disorderly said...

Holy crap! Those are some ugly rides. You need a pimp mobile if you're rich and single. And I think you should consider stenciling your quote down the side, "I'm not Ronald McDonald or something. I just want to be unique." That will attract all the really hot chicks. TA-RUST me!

Variant E said...

Yeah flawed...I had the pimp ride (refer to my earlier post called Look the Part) but had to abandon that one. These were my failed vehicles. Somehow I suspected they weren't babe magnets too. More options to come though.

Kurt said...

Again, all these moneys could be redirected to a struggling blog.