Thursday, April 12, 2007

Summer Vacation

This summer I am taking 9 weeks off on vacation. No, I’m not a school teacher; they get 11 weeks but don’t make enough money to actually be able to vacation. Yes, it’s paid and I will have a job at the end of it. I wanted to make it 9 ½ weeks just so I could say that; as if it had some sort of connection to the steamy movie of the same name.

You’re probably thinking “VE, I hate you…that’s way too much time for any one person to get off unless it can be me.” But dear reader, you have forgotten that VE works in the corporate world of cubicles and meetings.

In reality, considering the amount I actually accomplish on any given week, I’m probably doing them a favor by going on vacation: One less person clogging up everyone’s email box with self important official sounding jibberish.

By my calculations, I’ve now worked a productive 18 hours this year. My current routine is to:
- Come in late but with my meeting notebook like I had a meeting back at headquarters.
- Delete as much email as I possibly can. This would be the stuff that got through my seemingly impenetrable network of filters that throw everything else into the delete folder.
- Make the social rounds
- Head to the cafeteria for breakfast
- Come back and eat my breakfast
- Read my blogs
- Check my online dating
- Answer a couple of emails (note: constitutes actual work)
- Make sure my boss sees me looking like I’m important and busy
- Play online boggle (I kick butt at this)
- Create a couple of Powerpoint slides explaining what I do (note: constitutes actual work)
- Head out to lunch early with friends
- Get back from lunch late
- Make the afternoon social rounds
- Clean up my email again
- Answer a few more emails (note: constitutes actual work)
- Go to a meeting (note: considered work, but actually accomplishes nothing)
- Pack up early and let everyone know I’ll be working from home or at headquarters

Exhausting, huh? This is why it makes sense that I just stay on extended vacation because technically I haven’t accomplished much more by being here anyway; I’m simply changing the scenery! Oh, and the scenery this summer will be two trips. One to Dubai, Kenya, Tanzania, and Zanzibar. The other one is to Aruba and Angel Falls in Venezuala. Ok, now you can hate me!

9 comments:

Kurt said...

I hated you way before this!

iamnot said...

Actually, you'll be saving them money since now you are apparently only a heat load on their air conditioning system.
They should give you a raise.

Kanrei said...

I don't get 9 weeks vaca (only 3), but your day is exactly like mine. We have three offices in two counties AND I also am the go-fer for the offices. I am always "at the other lab." Works out great. 99% of my job is done online and with a cellphone so it really matters not where I am doing it from technically.

Shawna said...

Now we all know why you can post the funny pictures, you really do have a lot of extra time on your hands!

Variant E said...

Kurt, me too!
Iamnot, I like the way you think!
Kanrei, misery loves company
Shawna, and you would think with all this free time I'd be a bit funnier huh?

Flawed & Disorderly said...

Oh man! That really took me back to my days of working in an office! Those were the years I was 18-21 years old. Old married perverts would hang out at my cubicle "door" and hit on me.

If I ever get a time machine, I will use it to go back to those days. I will suggest to one of those men that we go "dewit" in the supply closet and then watch him wet his pants out of shock and fear.

Being in an office was better than being a teacher because it's really hard to goof off with 30 kids bugging you to teach them something or else. Like that would ever happen...but their parents get irritable if you make their kids "journal" too much without any real edjacating.

Plus, I thought you were rich and didn't have to work. I don't think rich men work in cubicles.

FYI, my friend is living in Africa right now. Two weeks ago, lightening killed a donkey and horse. True story. She has to carry water from somewhere in order to flush a toilet. That doesn't sound fun to me. Crazy Christian missionary!

Flawed & Disorderly said...

My GAWSH that was a long comment! Kurt always keeps it so simple and to the point.

Variant E said...

You can borrow my time machine to go back and tease the pervs; that would be funny...I used the machine in an earlier post to get rich. I secretly go to my job to feel like the rest of the world and then put on this facade of seeking to be rich and do nothing. It's sort of the Clark Kent kind of thing! Oh, and the Africa thing...I'm not looking to rough it. I'll be on safari in style including a hot air balloon safari and then afterward 5 days on the beach in Zanzibar (look up that one...it looks fabulous). The lightning concerns me though...its one of the few things that hasn't happened to me yet.

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