Monday, June 18, 2007

Everyone is a critic

Spoiler Alert!!

I’m going to talk about the Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer movie and so if seeing that one is part of the reason you are on this planet and my giving something away would constitute erasing your very purpose for life itself, then by all means, stop reading now!

You know, I go to movies with zero expectations and am easily entertained. But this movie kind of irritated me.

First of all, wasn’t I seeing a comic book super hero action film? If I’d wanted to see paparazzi People wedding expose I’d have looked under the chick flick genre before heading out to the movie house. How lame was that whole bit?

Ok, yes, the silver surfer was very cool! But ladies; seriously, this guy has no hair or a dick – can you really call him a man? Marry him and I guarantee that a couple years down the road you’ll need to run him through the Tarn-X treatment and without reward!

Why is that sequels feel the need for each character to show their other side. In this one we have WAY too much of that nonsense. If I need to see caring human character in Johnny Storm or Mr. Fantastic’s commitment to marriage; I’ll watch some drama on TV; Desperate Housewives or something. Gag!

Could Jessica Alba have more make up on for this movie without me thinking of the word ‘cake’? I hate that high maintenance look. Did she live in a tanning booth for this movie? She looks much darker complexioned for this one.

Oh, and thank God they added impatient, bossy and highly irrational military men to the story line. I didn’t think they were going to squeeze in that mandatory requirement for a moment there.

I could go on. But should I really? It’s a bit like trying to bitch about the Teletubbies not being nearly as good as you remember the Beatles being. At that point, it’s not the movie that looks pathetic, its you!


Gnomeself Be True said...

Sue Storm was an uber-wasp in the comics. I undertand their wanting to update that a bit...fine. But why not let Alba go brunette? She looked so bad with the bleach blonde pancake makeup thing!
Two guys discussing the her hair and makeup. Something wrong with that to be sure.

Jenny! said...

Didn't like the 1st one...have no desire to see this one! So, do you and Jamnot want to get a room and discuss Alba's ugly ass???

Gnomeself Be True said...

Just for the record...I never said she was ugly...she just looks very wrong and a bit silly for that part.

Shawna said...

First one sucked so bad, I have no intentions to bother with this one, so thanks for reminding me why I have no intentions to see it.

Alba is hot, but definitely NOT in these movies.