Sunday, August 26, 2007

Islamic Internet Dating

You know, when I was in Zanibar (that’s an island off the African coast of Tanzania for those of you that didn’t watch Where in the world is Carmen San Diego a lot) I had my first experience in an Islamic dominated area.

I have to admit, the chanting music over the loud speaker at unspeakable hours of the night was a bit creepy and irritating. Do you think anyone would let me crank up Led Zeppelin on my stereo that loud? Perhaps if they appreciated Zeppelin as a religion it would be ok. I’m sure there are those out there that do!

The next thing that threw me was all of the women having to wear veils to where you could only see their eyes.

That got me thinking that it would be very hard to internet date any women of the Islamic faith. I mean what do you say?

“Damn. She’d be perfect if the veils were only blue, not black!”

“Wow…I like her eyes.”

Of course, when you do finally get her home unveil her and she turns out looking like this…

Well, that’s what you get for not red flagging somebody who checks “veiled” under the Body Type selection of the profile!

18 comments:

markjamesmurphy said...

I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!

Kurt said...

I think veiled women are kind of hot, which is exactly the kind of thoughts the veil is trying to discourage.

Scary Monster said...

Me believes that someone ought to euthanize that dog or at least putit behind a veil again.

STOMP.

Me agrees with Kurt. Hiding sumpin and letting the imagination run wild with expectations is far more stimulating than getting the whole picture al at once.

Kanrei said...

Sounds like dating in a world of female ninjas. Hmmmmm...female ninjas

iamnot said...

Hey, they all wear a veil till you marry them.

Variant E said...

markjamesmurphy - Ok, but wash it down with a nice fruity rum drink.

kurt - Thats that thrill of the chase thing, isn't it?

sm - But I hate the let down. I set the bar to zero (imagine she looks like that dog) and then can be plesantly surprised when she doesn't

Kan - Calm down there buddy. There is no ninjamatch dot com out there; sorry.

iamnot - THAT should have been my title. Perfect!

Logophile said...

That dog died, very sad. The whole world mourned I'm sure, or not, whichever.
The fun of going to Zanibar is saying the name a lot, that is also why I want to go to Kuala Lumpur.

Variant E said...

logophile - It was sad when that dog died. He had the "worlds ugliest dog" title down cold!

Your right, those are fun to say. I've already been to Kuala Lumpur though. Based on names, I want to move to Hell, MI just so I can say "Damn, another day in Hell..."

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I find it odd that a place with a zippy name like Zanzibar would veil it's women. I mean really, you're stomping grounds are so flashy they require not one but two z's to make up the name.

Shouldn't such a fab name translate into equally fab clothing? Or at least bright colored sarongs?

Uncivil said...

"The chanting music over the loud speaker" would have gotten me completely out of the mood for dating.
I would have been ready to eat some pork chops, and bacon right after I silenced the chant!

Variant E said...

queen - I know. It had so many z's that I left one out of my post! I expected roller disco queens skating along the boardwalk of the Indian ocean there. Maybe we're confusing it with Xanadu (which doesn't even have a flippin' Z)?

uncivil - You've got to get your protein even in Zanzibar, right?

Serena Joy said...

I'd wear a veil if -- and only if -- they'd let me be a female ninja. The loud chanting music noise would drive me insane, so I'd be concealing some pork and liquor and tobacco and stuff under my veil.:)

Diesel said...

If I was one of those chicks, I'd wear sunglasses for that "mysterious look".

You're at #34 on humor-blogs!

Dorky Dad said...

I think that if I were to commit a crime in a muslim country, I'd have one of those handy. And then I'd quickly put it on right after that.

Variant E said...

serena - How sneaky of you to conceal extra contraband under the veils. So thats what they're really doing!

diesel - Good idea, then you wouldn't be able to tell if they had googly eyes, we're a cyclops or anything! Oh...yeah...shameless self promotion really upped me on the Humor-Blogs list, didn't it?

Variant E said...

dorky dad - Excellent idea! You could even carry a fake arm under there so if they were going to chop off your right hand for stealing you could give them the fake one!

Jenny! said...

Dude...you totally stole that crazy nasty dog picture from my blog! I used that picture to portray my bitchy co-workers!

Variant E said...

Jenny - Yeah, sorry. I'm shameless about that but I was going after it anyway having seen it in those ugliest dog contests. I'm afraid when it comes to photos I need for blog effect (other than my personal travels) I get it where I can easiest.