Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Michael Vik's Next Big Thing

Surely everyone knows who Michael Vik is. I don't even follow football anymore and know about his whole dog fighting thing.

Seeing as how he'll lose all his future millions and probably not play football and all, VE has gone undercover and discovered his next big thing.

Yes, it's true. Michael is planning an entire league of full contact tackling kittens. You see, he can get arrested for dog fighting but there are no rules for kittens tackling other kittens in full contact. In a sick twisted way, he gets to retain the best of what he likes: Football violence and animal violence. The bubble gum trading cards are currently in production...

14 comments:

Uncivil said...

You are one insane blogger my friend! Excellent twist on a morbid situation!
I'm first ? I'm first?

Jenny! said...

Kill all the cats you like...I hate cats!

Scary Monster said...

Don't know the Vik and iffin he be mistreatin animals then me don' wanna know about him.

Me reckons that tacklin kittins be ok as long as they all have protective equipment and a substantial amount of catnip available to them after the fracas.

STOMP!

Kanrei said...

At least he is learning. Did the puppies get helmets? Jesus told him to allow equipment the day Vick found him. It was the first thing Jesus said.

Camille Alexa said...

Cat Prin:

"1. You need to dress a cat. And you will say to a cat together with a family. "It has changed just for a moment". [ "it being very dear" or ] You will pass pleasant one time.

2. If a family and a cat become fortunate, you will take a commemorative photo! Therefore, please photo your cat lovelily with much trouble.

3. If it finishes taking a photograph, you will make it remove clothes from a cat immediately. You will say then, without forgetting the language of gratitude to a cat. "-- be flooded -- a way -- good -- having done one's best -- ! -- "


My fave is Anne of Green Gables.

Variant E said...

uncivil - You are first my friend! Not quite the line up on comments like diesel or dan though. But first wins you box seats at the first Super Kitty Bowl. I know...that sounds like you'll be sitting in a cat box; and if sales don't go up that is what it will be.

jenny - Sorry, no cats have been harmed in the making of this post. They all had proper protective gear.

sm - It's good you don't know about Vik. Just one more idiot making too much money.

kan - Yeah, but if they paid me as much as Vik, I could learn a lot too!

camille - I don't know. I don't think your favorite meets full kitten tackle football safety regulations. Looks good for the paparazzi though.

Dan said...

I saw this cat on the news last night. He ripped out the throats of the couple who owned him. As they slept.

Very cool cat. :)

Variant E said...

Dan - Wow, I didn't know that. Lets move him to the offense side of the team then.

justacoolcat said...

For some reason this reminds me of Kitten Juggling from The Jerk.

goldennib said...

I just got two Vik cartoons in my email today, One shows all of the cartoon dogs in Vik's jury box, the other shows Vik being "done" by a huge German Shepard on the football field.

Serena Joy said...

Now that Vick has found Jesus, as all convicted felons immediately do, do you suppose he'll observe the rules and make sure all his killer kitties have the proper protective gear? Will he change bookies? Will he put the kitties that don't perform well up for adoption to good homes? Inquiring minds want to know. Actually, inquiring minds would rather read cartoons like those Goldennib mentioned.:)

Variant E said...

justacooljerk - Now come on...cat juggling is illegal in at least 10 countries. But it is good for your dexterity.

goldennib - I'm sorry. I couldn't show those. I run a family blog...except when I swear, reference sex, show violence or use adult situations (which just means all of the above)

sj - Maybe he and Paris and that Kirk Cameron should form a celebrity church or something.

Kurt said...

That helmet is only going to provide limited protection in a genuine tackle-type situation.

Variant E said...

kurt - Yes, but according to the latest brain size to head size ratios (bshsr as its known in the biz), this will suffice for kittens.