Friday, August 24, 2007

One Big A-Hole

Oh puleeeze! Pull your mind out of the gutter people!

I’m talking about that large black hole that scientists just discovered. The hole is one billion light years across. You know, if you were to travel from one side of the hole to the other at the speed of light, it would take you a billion years! That’s older than Zza Zza Gabor is! Oh, and that would also mean a serious amount of solitaire games. You know, I might even be able to solve one of those Rubik cubes with that much time.

A billion years?
- Think of all the blogging time I’d have
- Think of all the blogging time I’d just waste on porn (did I just write that?)
- I think I’ll need a pretty darn long wireless connection!
- Think how many damn times I’d have to cut my nails…crap

You know, I personally believe it’s like the hole in the ozone layer here on Earth. I’m sure somehow Bush is screwing up the entire universe and making that hole larger! I’ll give Al Gore a call and see if he can’t provide us with a Powerpoint to explain it.

Either that or it’s that sucking thing that’s in Yellow Submarine that sucks all existence through its nose. You know, like David Crosby from CSN did.

But on the positive side, the Crayola company says it will be working on special crayons that kids can use to color on the black hole. Says company spokesman Cerulean Razzmatazz, “It’s such a large space to waste! It begs to be colored on.”

If they keep the story around, you can find it here. Otherwise, google it…you do everything else!

12 comments:

Kanrei said...

A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes


Always loved that.

Variant E said...

Kan - That's cool. I don't like the fact that I'm approaching being a billion seconds old though.

Kanrei said...

It beats not making it to a billion seconds old.

Uncivil said...

Darn, I was reading it in Italian. I thought it read "One'a bigg'a hole"

chuckdaddy2000 said...

A billion miles long? When measurements get that big... I get a little untrusting. Like, they know it's more a billion than 100 million or 10 million or 100 billion?

I have a feeling they just looked at it and were like, "That's like a billion miles across."

goldennib said...

That's not a big black hole. That's the shell of the Great A'Tuin passing by.

Kurt said...

Dude.

Scary Monster said...

Think of the finger it would take to plug that hole...


Stomp.

justacoolcat said...

The downside to all that blogging would be; from the time you hit "post" to the time it made it on the web you'd be older than zsa zsa as well.

Variant E said...

Kan - Yeah, your right about that!

uncivil - Welcome. Good one! I'd like to claim I was clever enough to have it go both ways but everyone that knows me knows I'm barely capable of one language.

chuckdaddy2000 - Welcome. Good point...I think your right! I was going to check their math on that one but well...its math!

goldennib - Are you from Discworld too?

kurt - I also go by "your dudeness" etc.

sm - Yeah. And at least you were just thinking of a finger!

justacoolcat - Welcome. Boy, that is not a pretty picture. Hadn't considered that. Can't I at least look like Paul Newman or Sophia Loren; they seem to be holding out pretty well.

Camille Alexa said...

DUDE, are you up to #34 on the humor bloggers site? I click from your site to go there, just in case.

Variant E said...

camille - Yes, amazingly so thanks to you and others! I was hoping to make it on the first page and it looks like I did, yeah. I'm hoping to get this blog reviewed by them soon too. That should be fun. I need the abuse.