Welcome to the fall season of VEFN (that’s my blog acronym which has it’s own BA acronym…I like that).
Thought I’d throw up something easy and unoriginal right after the long weekend? You thought wrong! First of all, I don’t like to throw up at all. Second, VE has his own thoughts about what is funny and all you have to do is suffer along.
Thought I’d throw up something easy and unoriginal right after the long weekend? You thought wrong! First of all, I don’t like to throw up at all. Second, VE has his own thoughts about what is funny and all you have to do is suffer along.
For the fall opener, VE has uncovered a real jewel for investigative reporting:
That’s right folks. We’ve assembled a terrific cast this season. But before we meet the cast, let’s announce the location. None other than LAS VEGAS!!! That’s right folks, where else is SIN IN!!!
We’ll divide up the strip with the female team on one end and the male team on the other. Everything in the middle will be celebrity paparazzi party mayhem!As each participant is voted out, they will retire to the rehab center until the remainder of the season. The winner of this season’s show won’t be receiving any money (they have enough already). Instead, they’ll be guaranteed a year’s worth of “in your face” publicity. Remember people, all publicity is good publicity.
So with that, let’s meet the players:
WOMEN’S TEAM
Player 1: Amy Whinehouse
Occupation:
Player 1: Amy Whinehouse
Occupation: Singer
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Drugs
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
“They want to send me to rehab and I say “No No No”, but in the end she “went went went”.
Player 2: Britney Spears
Occupation: Singer
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Promiscuity & exhibitionism
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Too many mental moments to list here but the picture sort of says it all.
Player 3: Paris Hilton
Occupation: Rich Girl
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Clubbing, alcohol & Promiscuity
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
The Paris video & double DUI jail time
Player 4: Lindsay Lohan
Occupation:
Actor
Favorite vice:
Booze & drugs
Claim to Fame:
Job spanking in public for showing up late for partying, DUI
Player 5: Kate Moss
Occupation: Model
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Cocaine
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Extreme weight loss through drug use
Player 6: Janet Jackson
Occupation:
Singer
Favorite vice:
Promiscuity
Claim to Fame:
Exposing her nipple during Superbowl halftime
Player 7: Nicole Richey
Occupation:
Lionel Richey’s spoiled daughter
Favorite vice:
Booze
Claim to Fame:
84 minutes of jail time for her DUI, anorexic body weight
Player 8: Whitney Houston
Occupation:
Singer
Favorite vice:
Drugs, spousal boxing
Claim to Fame:
Throwing it all away staying married to Bobby Brown in a drug using violent marriage.
MEN’S TEAM
Player 9: Tom Sizemore
Occupation:Actor
Favorite vice:
Meth
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Physical abuse of his partner, sex video, drug abuse, and having a fake penis sewed to his boxers to fake a urine test.
Player 10: Robert Downey Jr.
Occupation: Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Drugs, booze
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Drug use, jail time, rehab, career comeback. Repeat.
Player 11: Mel Gibson
Occupation: Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Booze
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Anti-Semitism remarks during a DUI citation
Player 12: Ty Pennington
Occupation:Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Booze
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
DUI arrest
Player 13: Macaulay Caulkin
Occupation:Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Pot
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Arrested and jailed for pot
Player 14: Lance Garrison
Occupation:Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Booze
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
Vehicular Man Slaughter while drunk
Player 15: Nick Nolte
Occupation:Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Booze
Claim to Fame:
Claim to Fame:
DUI arrest and one of the worst arrest pictures on file
Player 16: Colin Farrell
Occupation:Actor
Favorite vice:
Favorite vice:
Drugs
Claim to Fame:
Rehab for addiction to prescription painkillers and recreational drugs, sex video
Claim to Fame:
Rehab for addiction to prescription painkillers and recreational drugs, sex video
If you liked this post, please click on the Humor-Blogs link below my profile. It shamelessly keeps me on the front page of the humor blogs list. If you didn't like blame Bush...
16 comments:
I love it. Since it's in Vegas; I think the losers should get professional hit contracts put on them rather than rehab.
I have my money on Robert Downey Jr., and not just because he's also one of my picks in my celebrity death pool.
awesome cast
I'm with Sizemore
You have out done yourself with this one. The bar has been raised so high that you have won forever and ever. Even the great Scary Monster cannot compete with this one. I bow before you sir
I don't want to look at these people any more.
Whitney Houston used to be so purty! She made my pants itch!
What a fabulous idea! I haven't been to rehab, shaved my head, gone out with no drawers and got my picture snapped, lost my top at the Super Bowl, been busted as a crack ho, or careened drunkenly down the freeway but, please, I want to play!:-)
Houston & Sizemore will beat those kids down, there's no way they could not win. I'm still deciding on who would win between them though!
Lohan all the way- she can't be stopped. Sizemore as the dark horse- the Wizzenator is luxury item of the year-
You have a Jewel here my man! Laughed my arse off!
This be a masterpiece of commentary on the present day buffons that we see in the news. Unfortunately Kanrei has tossed out a gauntlet and with yer permission, Me would like to attempt a post that would compliment yours.
STOMP.
Scary,
I mean no offense to you. This was just that good.
justacoolcat - That's a good idea. It'll bring a little more reality to the meaning of 'survivor'
queen - Yeah...he's a definite vetran!
jen - Sizemore is crazy, he might just go beserk and take them all out.
kan - Thanks. Guess I got one of those creativity surges.
camille - But its so FUN!
kurt - Yeah, poor Whitney.
uncivil - Thanks!
sm - Thanks and have at it!
This was very good. I clicked on the humor-blogs thing. Does that automatically give you a vote because I can't figure out what else to do (you better not be laughing at my ineptitude.)
Now I feel like a ripoff. I owe you a beer.
My money's on Winehouse and Sizemore. But I gotta ask, where's Pete Doherty? That guy would take on any of these celebs.
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