Friday, September 21, 2007

Jedi Mind Tricks

Lately it’s come to my attention that I need to become a Jedi. Well, perhaps not an actual Jedi, maybe a Sith. I know, they’re evil but I don’t know that I could be a full Jedi since I want to use the powers for my benefit, not mankind. Yeah, yeah; that is so self-serving but we all have to do something to get ahead in this Jedi-eat-Jedi world.

And since I am a general slacker; I’m not sure that I could even handle the workload needed to become a full time Sith. I’m looking into the short course. Perhaps Phoenix University offers some of the basic courses before you have to go into a full Sith dual partnership with a master.

I’m not real comfortable with that whole master/slave err I mean master/apprentice concept they use for the Jedi and Sith order. I’m sure the apprentice is doing all the light saber maintenance and the Sith Burger and Fry runs. I just don’t have the time or energy for all of that!

But I do think that the whole Jedi mind-trick skill is a good one to have. I’ll definitely sign up for that. Wouldn’t that be handy around the house? You could be sitting there watching the Simpsons Season 3 for the 145th time, munching on your new Doritos Collisions (no; insurance will not cover these) and suddenly son #1 sits down. But you employ your new Jedi Mind Trick skills:

-------Cleaning rooms is fun. You want to go clean your room --------

Son#1: “Hey Dad, I think I’m going to go and clean my room!”
You: “Ok; have fun”

Later, as the 14lbs of salt in those Doritos start kicking in it is clear you need a nice malt beverage to augment the experience. Again, Jedi Mind Trick techniques save the day as your wife walks into the den with a look of disgust on what she is seeing:

--------- Your man deserves his ‘down time’ and the best thing you could do is bring him a nice frothy malt beverage -------

Wife#1 (…wait…this isn’t a Mormon family…strike that)
Wife: “Oh honey, let me bring you a nice frothy beverage to go with those zesty chips”
You: “Thanks dear; and could you make sure to use the chilled glass.”

Finally teendaughter comes home and ignores everyone while she talks on her family cell phone during prime day minutes, slowly chewing away at them with statements such as “like, really? Get out!” “and then I was like….” and other stimulating teenage lingo. But wait, you take your newly developed Jedi Mind Trick skills:

---------- Cell phones are for emergencies; real friends write letters -------

Teendaughter on the phone “and then I was like….hey, why don’t you ever write me? Your not a real friend after all” ~click.

Yes, Jedi Mind Trick skills are a useful skill in many parts of our daily lives.


Unknown said...

Now we are talking trilogies! To quote Randal again- there is only one "Return" and it ain't of the king!

I do not think the Sith are evil per say. I know they are shown to be evil in the movies, but those films are told from the Jedi's perspective. The Jedi are blindly tied to the past while the Sith are looking to new things. The Jedi are into preserving the current order at all costs and the Sith are looking for change, any change. The Jedi are an exclusive club of telepathic bullies who punish those who do not go along. Think about the “Phantom Menace” and what it really was about for example. A planet wants to establish its own trade and the council does not approve so they send two Jedis to make sure things go their way. Qui and Obi are enforcers for some religious mafia in essence. The Sith, they resist the current order. Why is that always bad?

Tammie Jean said...

LOL! You're quite a dreamer, aren't you?

Nessa said...

Microsoft has a trial product called msSith. Bill Gates developed it ages ago. It's how he got all of his product on everyone's machines. It's a little hard to come by, but it can be done.

Now, Evelyn Wood has a SpeedJedi course that only requires 5 minutes a day for 28 days.

Gnomeself Be True said...

I need me some of a big way.

justacoolcat said...

So true. I use jedi powers all the time. Though, I'd give them up for a lightsaber, a frosty beverage, and the rest of those Doritos.

Unknown said...

The Jedi are Jihadists who would make everyone wear burkas (sp?). Religious zealots who use weapons and fear to spread thier faith. They only oppose the Empire because the Empire put them out of business. Jedi are Orcs! Jedi follow Sauromon (sp? again).

Ed said...

kan - I agree. Siths don't necessarily have to be bad. They are entrepenuers in the capitalistic world that doesn't recognize them for their personal self serving ways. The trouble is, they seek power and you know how absolute power corrupts absolutely!

tammiejean - Hey, welcome back. Yes, I'm dreaming I'm still on vacation right now too!

n/g - Oooh, I want that speed course. 28 days later? Isn't that when people turn into zombies though? I thought there was a movie about that.

iamnot - I think they'd give you a full scholarship!

justacoolcat - Take my Doritos? I'm afraid our knowledge of the force with not decide this conflict; we'll have to decide it based on our skill with a lightsaber. Or; we could play rock, paper, scissors for them.

kan - Take a deep breath there buddy. Remember, it happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away!

Unknown said...

OK.....OOOHHHHMMMMMMMMM. Hobbits, Hobbits, Hobbits, Pipeweed, Pipeweed, Elves, Elron.......ohm.

I feel better now. Damn Jedi!

Serena said...

I wanna be a Jedi when I grow up, though I kind of sort of suspect I'd make a pretty good Sith.

Kan, take another breath.:)

Kurt said...

This is from those Space Wars movies for kids, right?

Hale McKay said...

Great idea for a post! Those Jedi mind tricks sure could come in handy to a lot us.

I also enjoyed your previous posts: "LOTR," "Alternate Endings," and "So Many Questions."

Four fun posts in a row. Good job.

Ed said...

kan - Excellent, see...don't you feel better now?

sj - Why grow up? I never did. I hear it's overrated

kurt - You've got to hire another cleaner and get out a little more!

hale - Welcome. Thanks! Blog ideas are funny. You have to let the post ideas flow through you...wait...that's the FORCE. Too much Star Wars stuff lately. Sheez.

Anne said...

Dear VE, whats the difference in Sith and Darth? Did they teach that in Jedi school, young padiwan learner?

Anonymous said...

YEAH Baby! Bugger. I got it wrong and now I am channeling Austin Powers.....
I need to get me some of those Jedi powers. It's bin night tonight and it aint gunna take it's self out! Does anyone know if I can take the course by correspondence?