Thursday, September 20, 2007

LOTR - I want more, more, more

Ok, I am a big fan of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the first to say that Peter Jackson’s movies did the books proud. You can check that too; I’d have the first comments on both Amazon and IMDB if those other 127,000 zealots hadn’t beaten me to it. That’s the trouble with the world now; you cannot be a slacker AND be first at anything. I’m sure there’s even a better slacker out there. Sheesh!

Here’s the problem I had with the movies. They were only 3-4 hours long each. Thanks to Astronaut diaper technology, I can now sit for at least 6 hours before my legs go numb. Come on, with a little extra effort they could have filmed every conceivable aspect of the trilogy.

The biggest single disappointment is that the whole Old Forest and Tom Bombadil scenes weren’t in it. I think they should go back and add another whole movie just to fill in that portion of the story. I mean, some of those hobbit actors could use the work! Also the Lion King did a part 1 ½ after they already did a 2! Star Wars started with episode 3 (probably so we could argue when talking about Star Wars 1….”Are you talking chronologically or film debut order??” while some poor normal person stares at you in your full Jedi costume). But I digress…

What was with the ending of the movie trilogy? They completely ignored the entire scouring of the Shire sections! Sort of like they did with The Abyss (watch the director’s cut sometime and maybe you wouldn’t be scratching your head going, huh?). But I digress…

Seriously, didn’t it seem a little odd that hobbits simply accepted them back without so much as a question and they just have one scene where the toast each other in the bar to a life-changing adventure well done? Huh? That’s sort of like you and a couple of your buddies going over to China and solving the population growth, converting them to democracy, cleaning up their global warming issues, and removing the lead paint out of imported toys all in a short timeframe and without knowledge of any of your hometown friends or family! And then you could all get together at the local Starbucks and toast your double mochas to a fun adventure and then get back to your lives. Really!

How about some other add-in scenes?

They could do an entire series on the debates during the council of Elrond in Rivendell. They could feature this on one of the political satellite stations; I mean people watch that boring political talk stuff, right?

How about a Hallmark Movie of Bilbo going to Rivendell after his big birthday party? You know, where he sets out alone and nothing happens. Hallmark movies are just that exciting!
And what about the ever-popular spin off shows or movies we could be seeing?

- Fatty Bolger: Hobbit of Mystery! on the Discover channel
- Trimming the Verge with Samwise Gamgee on the Garden channel
- Summering in the Gray Havens on the Travel channel
- Meet the Entwives on the Family channel
- Urak-Hai extreme Makeover
- Condo’s in Mordor on the Home Shopping Network

The list is endless!


Gnomeself Be True said...

With Smith on the council, I'm surprised things turned out so well.

Camille Alexa said...

Oohh...Bilbo would so be the blogger hobbit. They'd start calling him the Blobbit.

Anonymous said...

Wait, the Lord of the Rings were originally books??

Scary Monster said...

Had they actually included the things you mentioned in the movies, Me might have actually liked them more.

Meet the Entwives: lol,


Unknown said...

Blobbit? That is AWESOME!!!

Kev, I think they made a book after those cartoons I saw growing up.

I dug the movies, they are by no means my favorite, but they were fun. Long, but fun. The extended versions are much better.

I do agree with Randal though from Clerks II: All it was, was a bunch of people walking, three movies of people walking to a f*cking volcano.

Kurt said...

These are those Hobbit movies for kids, correct?

Serena said...

Blobbit. Yeah! Has a certain ring to it.:)

? said...

You may lose all respect for me when I say that ...


Nessa said...

Books should be made direct to DVD and be totally unabridged. I'd spend $598.99 for a full LOTR DVD set and spend my entire week's vacation watching them.

Ed said...

iamnot - True, true

camille - I like it...blobbit

kev - Amazing isn't it?

sm - Yeah, me too

kan - I thought that was boring when Frodo/Sam were just walking and being over dramatic heading to Mordor. I kept hoping they'd get caught just to relieve the tedium

kurt - They're not violent enough for kids so I think they are for adults

sj - was that a pun?

bottleblond - I'm not hearing you..lalalalala

n/g - Dang, that's a 1.45 more than my life savings; I'll have to bother yours

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Well done! I'm going to go out on an Ent limb here and say that you're a big LOTR fan. Just a guess.

Tammie Jean said...

Ha! These are great spinoffs! I'd definitely watch the extreme makeover.

markjamesmurphy said...

hehehe The Blobbit ;)