Tuesday, September 18, 2007

So many questions…

Normally I don't think at all but here's a your 14 nanosecond tour of my thoughts right after a statement is made:

“4 out of 5 doctors recommend it”

Who is that fifth doctor?
What does he know that I should?
Are the other four just a bunch of “Yes” men?
Was that fifth guy Dr. J?
Why were only 5 doctors asked?
Is it because every other doctor was afraid to answer?
What if some of the four meant “recommend avoiding”?
Were any of these doctors paid for this?
Was it a strong recommendation or wishy-washy?
Do they make joke stethoscopes that increase the heart beat 100 fold?

“operators are standing by”

Standing by what?
How close are they standing?
Are they truly standing or are some of them sort of hunched?
What do they operate?
Do they have a license to operate?
What if I don’t want an operation?
How many are there?
How long will they stand by before they pass out?
Who sang Stand By Me?

“batteries not included”

How many batteries didn’t they include?
What size of battery?
Why weren’t they included?
What do they know that I don’t?
If the batteries weren’t, what was included?
Does it work with solar?
Why does it require batteries in the first place?
Should I have soup or salad or soup and salad for lunch?

Sometimes it’s hard being me…

14 comments:

Kurt said...

Is it 4 out of 5 of ALL doctors, or just the ones at the free seminar in Hawaii sponsored by this company?

Kanrei said...

Why are they standing and why doesn't the company they work for buy them chairs? Who would work for a SRO job?

I bought a packet of batteries one time, but they were not included.

Thank you Steven Wright =D

The Cloud said...

You do that as well???

"Keys cut while you wait" always got me - while you wait for what??

Nice blog.

The Cloud said...

and I forgot..

It was Ben E King - or was it Tammy Wynette??

Nessa / Goldennib said...

I so sympathize with the hell that is your life.

Shawna said...

You made me choke on my Taos Salad from Baker Bros. (if you have these up there, these salads are BADASS)

VE said...

kurt - I'm sure it was just the free seminar in Hawaii. If it was all the doctors, your urgent care wait would be 17 hours instead of the current 4.

kanrei - Steven is my hero too!

the cloud - Welcome. I've never had a cloud actually communicate with me (it's something I've always worried about). But good one on that key thing. I knew there was a reason I always leave my house unlocked; no spare key!

n/g - Yep. That's my lot in life. It's not a lot, but its my life!

shawna - I'm going to send down a multi-task specialist who can help you with the blog reading and eating of lunch simultaneously! Oh, and what is so special about Taos salad? Does it have some special New Mexican artwork in it or something?

Logophile said...

What if the operators are standing by the 5th doctor?
Maybe THAT is why he isn't recommending anything, he is all distracted, or he can't get through the crowd.

Serena Joy said...

Why are these questions never answered on the packaging or in the instructions or addressed by the soothing voice you listen to for umpteen minutes on hold? What are they hiding? Who is they? Does anyone know? Is anyone out there?:)

VE said...

logophile - I know, I know. That damn 5th floor. I never seem to get up to that one.

sj - See...and had I spent another 15 nanoseconds I might have come up with those questions too but another 15 nanoseconds is too long for my ADD personality and I'd be off wondering why there has to be a cup in the whole half full, half empty debate.

Uncivil said...

VE Knows!!!!LOL
Hey, thanks for putting me on the sidebar! Can't imagine anyone wanting to read my blog anyway?

I'll link you on my side bar as soon as 4 out of 5 bloggers recommend it!!!

Nah, seriously, I'll get off my lazy arse and get it done soon!!!

Camille Alexa said...

I want to see a noir short story called "The Fifth Doctor." No, wait; that sounds too Dr. Who.

Theresa said...

What about when you make a call and get "All our operators are busy, please hold". Please hold what? Now, if it's a guy calling one of those erotic lines, then you can imagine what he might be holding. ;)

VE said...

uncivil - Thanks!

camille - Dr. Who? Is he the fifth doctor? Hmmm....

theresa - I'm holding back on commenting on THAT comment; too tempting!