Sunday, September 09, 2007

Something's Moving in Death Valley

You gotta love Death Valley California. Where else do get to have average temperatures of 122 degrees (in the shade) all summer long? Where else can you stand several hundred feet below sea level and then walk to over 14,000 feet above sea level in a matter of hours?

What happens in Death Valley stays in Death Valley. That’s desert speak that is translated to: What happens in Death Valley…Nothing! I mean, come on, even the TV show “Death Valley Days” which had 532 episodes never filmed there once! They filmed in Arizona where at least there’s a football team and some kind of cold Tea drink.

It’s got neat and inviting destinations like “Furnace Creek”. Why would somebody put a furnace in the creek? Isn’t the blistering heat keeping the water warm enough already? Really people…

And if that wasn’t enough…they’ve also got this

Yes, that’s right. Like area 51 and the Bermuda triangle, Death Valley is home to this unexplained phenomenon where rocks move around the desert floor though nobody witnesses it nor can they explain it.

Racetrack Playa, as it is called, is home to these crafty little rocks moving all over the place. Nobody actually “sees” them move, they just do.

No, it isn’t water doing it. They practically get no water and these things move all year long. No, Bigfoot is not moving them at night. No, Bin Laden isn’t building a secret rock terrorist cell. Nobody can explain it. Magnetic? Aliens? Hot Wheels beneath the surface? Your guess is as good as theirs.

Apparently Cal Tech did a 7 year study to try and explain this phenomenon. Results were inconclusive. What a conversation that must have been:

Genius Student 1: "Hey, let’s research a way to remove greenhouse gases from the atmosphere to avoid an environmental impact so epic that is could jeopardize our existence on this planet!"

Genius Student 2: "Or how about studying those weird moving rocks over in Death Valley for 7 years?"

Genius Student 1: "Ok."

And it’s not like the rocks are moving so slow that the naked eye can’t see them move. You know, like the postal tellers or my upcoming promotion. Actually, sometimes they shift around remarkably far.
VE went out to the surrounding area to interview some of the rocks:

VE: "You’ve lived in this neighborhood for over 750,000 years. What do you think of the Racetrack Playa rocks?"

Rock: "These are the fastest rocks on the planet. They come from hundreds of miles to complete in the Rock Olympic Games. Some of them have been training for several million years."

VE: "But how do you actually move?"

Rock: "Little benownst to the human race but these rocks have grown tiny microscopic feet and allow them to move; sometimes fairly quick."

VE: "Wow, any negotiations with Nike or Adidas?"

Rock: "Due to gag orders, I cannot comment on any commercial negotiations at this time."

VE: "But how does that account for the dragging marks they leave behind them?"

Rock: "They let their behinds drag to cover up their micro feet tracks. It bugs the shit out of the humans then because they cannot figure out what is going on; just that they have moved. Sort of like that sock/dryer phenomenon."

VE: "Well thanks for your time. Stay rock hard!"


Nessa said...

Is this where Pet Rocks come from?

Are you game? Please play with me.

Jenny! said...

Rocks are should have asked where the phrase "Get your rocks off" came from.

Serena said...

Rocks. Tee-hee-hee.:)

I LOVE the gnomes!

Ed said...

goldennib - Their source is a marketing secret...shhhh!

jenny - They said, "wouldn't you like to know"

sj - The gnomes are currently travelling; they will be back. Now; don't even mention blog formatting to me; I hates it!!

Scary Monster said...

Hey buddy. Tricking out the blog takes patience. Stay rock solid and yer talent won't fail you. Just keep on rockin, ya. You could be just a stones throw away from greatness.

Keep on rockin!
And stompin.

Kurt said...

Have you been? Cuz it is well worth a visit.

Camille Alexa said...

That Rock is a celebrity I can get behind, VE. What a cool phenomenon.

And no rock star jokes, or anything.

Uncivil said...

I'll be glad when they learn how to write dirty words in mud bed!

Jenny! said...

I like your new colors! And yes...I would like to know!

ADW said...

The only rocks I care about are the ones I can wear draped on my body or the ones I get off.

Ed said...

sm - Augggh. The puns, the puns.

kurt - I have been. It's a great place to go in the winter.

camille - No joke, puns? Whew! Thanks.

uncivil - Their having trouble with those cursive loops!

jenny - They just won't tell me. Rocks can be so hard to work with.

adw - Why does this not surprise me? Hey...I highlighted you from last week. Congrats.