Friday, September 28, 2007

We have it all wrong!

You know, I was watching X-Men I again just the other day and it suddenly occurred to me. We have it all wrong.

That machine they threw Rogue in wasn’t really going to change all normal people into mutants; it was a new salon experience.

That’s right, Rogue got a wonderful hair cut and blow dry and that terrific white frosting all at once! Why, if the X-Men hadn’t destroyed the damn thing, it would have done a wonderful nail job for her too.











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The biggest benefit of course was that the seemingly world’s largest bubble that was building from that machine wasn’t really some radioactive ooze that changes a person’s DNA structure but actually a wonderful face moisturizing treatment that all could have benefited from.

It got me thinking….hmmm…I wonder where else we’ve made some drastic misunderstandings.

Hannibal Lector. He didn’t really bite off that guard’s nose for pleasure. He simply recognized that the guard had a potentially lethal tick embedded in his nose from an earlier camping excursion. He probably saved the guard’s life!

Oh, and that supposed incident of taking the entire face of another guard and wearing it to escape. No, he was simply trying to demonstrate his newly acquired skill and interest in the special effects props the studios use during movie production. This was his latest prototype and had no direct correlation to the poor guard with the extremely rare case of spontaneous facial skin disolvement. A tragic coincidence!

Mr. Bean. Don’t let that innocent nerdy goof ball look and demeanor fool you. He’s really an international spy! He doesn’t actually mumble. His mumble is a sophisticated communication language that he pioneered!

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Gordon Gecko. He’s not a money grubbing ruthless wrecker of companies taking advantage of insider information. He’s actually a liberal hippy disguised as a business person. He didn’t say, “Greed is Good.” He actually said “Weed is good” but THE MAN edited it. He wasn’t really buying and selling stock; those were just code words for Grateful Dead tickets.

See...VE investators catch him at a local peace rally over the weekend.

8 comments:

Camille Alexa said...

Where'd you find a picture of Rogue that makes her look like a young Ozzy Osbourne? Or is it more Meatloafesque?

Kurt said...

Isn't the X-Men that movie for kids? With Academy-Award winning actress Anna Paquin?

kev said...

I knew I hated Wolvervine for a good reason...

Nessa said...

How could we have been so wrong?

Theresa said...

I knew it! I always knew Mr. Bean had to be a spy or something. After all, no one could be that clumsy by accident.

Scary Monster said...

Just when you thought it were safe to enter a theatre...

Man, it's gettin harder to keep up with you.

Loved the brady bunch lines. Wished Me did that when Me posted on the Bukkake Bunch LOL.

STOMP!

Jeff said...

VE, don't know how you slipped my blogroll radar but I've added you now my friend. Now can you feel the love?

But you were right about the science experiment thing. I've learned more here in a few weeks than I did throughout my entire high school career.

VE said...

camille - When I cannot steal a picture off the internet, I steal it elsewhere. I simply grabbed a still photo right from the DVD.

kurt - Are you questioning my maturity by the movies I watch? I'm telling my mom!

kev - It's also the hair. Talk about a bad hair day; he's got a bad hair life!

nessa - We only see what we want to see! Wow...that was almost deep!

theresa - Being clumsy is a highly refined skill. It's like Ninjas...but not.

sm - I know the feeling my friend. You go on a tear writing too sometimes and somehow I miss a couple and wonder where I've been and how I could have missed them!

jeff - Thanks. You have commented enough to be promoted to my MUST read list now. Congrats. Oh, and I still have my career high school pledge pin. I didn't know there were others that made that a career too.