Sunday, September 30, 2007

Some Random Thoughts

Would the Bee Gees have sounded like Barry White without those really tight disco pants?

When I get to the Pearly Gates I’m going to demand back all the time I had to spend in my flippin’ car waiting for left turn signals that didn’t change because I didn’t get to the intersection at just the early enough time for the stupid system to acknowledge there was indeed somebody there and that they should turn it to green instead of having to wait through two full cycles. I'll reuse this recooped time to eat more chocolate.

Don’t you hate people that construct sentences of more than 70 words like I did in that last random thought?

Did you know that the U.S. debt increases at an average rate of 1.45 billion per day! That is seriously scary! That’s like somebody coming up to you every minute and asking for another million. “Oh just put it on my tab…China will absorb it when they take us over”

Surely you have heard that Sir Richard Branson is offering up 25 million dollars to anyone that can offer a solution to removing greenhouse gasses from the atmosphere. Perfect. I suggest a long hose from the space station with a fairly large Dyson vacuum cleaner and a special filter to retain the good stuff and only remove the bad. You can contact me privately Sir Branson to get the address on where to send the check.

Do people named Ed think that Sex Ed is a proposition, not a health course?

Aren’t breast implants just an expensive way of saying “Supersize it”

My uncle has one of those 3 feet deep blow up pools. He calls it an “ool”. That’s a pool without the pee!

There are two kinds of music I don’t like. Country and RAP. Is it any wonder that you can put these two together and form CRAP?

11 comments:

Carla said...

I'll have to remember to refrain from talking about sex around Ed.

Diesel said...

I've got a solution for Branson: They're called trees. Duh.

kev said...

Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't painting the houses a different color the easiest and best way to eliminate greenhouse gasses? That or simply converting those houses from gas to electric...

Jayne said...

Heh.. it wasn't until you mentioned the 70-word sentence that I realised I didn't read it. Haha.. that must be a 'yes' from me.

Kelley said...

How much coffee did you drink before you posted that? I can just imagine you sitting there jittering, eye twitching, shaking your foot and periodically jumping up to do a full body wiggle whilst typing that.
Anyway, it was freaking funny. Unlike your comment on my blog that made me want to have a shower and scrub myself clean. That poor girl. *shudder*
Now I need to shower again.

VE said...

carla - Good idea; don't confuse the poor guy

diesel - You mean if we all carry a tree around...wow!

kev - But that involves a home project and I've signed a personal life contract to avoid such things.

jayne - From now on I'll try to write in 10 word paragraphs or less. Damn, I couldn't even make it with this comment...

kelley - Sorry about that comment. A couple years of counselling will fix that right up. Oh, and the scary part is that I don't drink coffee or tea!

justacoolcat said...

You'd think Heaven'd also refund time spent waiting in lines of any sort. Especially if they knew you would use it wisely eating chocolate.

Kanrei said...

Classic VE! I have a solution for Branson as well- less people.

What is the leading cause of greenhouse gases? CO2

What is the leading gas people breathe out? CO2

What is the current population? About 7 billion.

Do the math. =D

Jeff said...

Wow, I can't believe you mini-ranted about stop lights. I sit there and curse at the stupid stop lights every single morning when I'm the only one within 5 miles and I'm sitting alone at a red arrow for 10 minutes waiting to turn left. What friggen century is this anyway?

Anne said...

Sorry, I couldn't read the rest after the Bee Gees remark, was on the floor laughing.

But, I beat you with a 136 word sentence on 9/16. Ha!

VE said...

justacoolcat - Yeah, I hear you but I have this sneaky suspicion that crazy old God will extract that from my memory during the transition

kan - Hey, that's like one of those math story problems. I signed a life contract after high school to not do story problems, sorry!

jeff - It's the century where some poor traffic light software analyst that hates his job takes it out on you and me and has us wait that 10 minutes when he in fact could have alleviated that problem if they hadn't been working him for 80 hours a week at a salary made for 40.

anne - 136??? Man, I'm going to have to start training!