Thursday, October 18, 2007

Modern Dental Fun

I’ve had many dentists over my lifetime. One of them was Dr. Fear. I don’t know about you, but wouldn’t you think a name like that isn’t one you’d want to continue to use if you are a dentist? Seriously: Change the name buddy…the majority of people have some level of fear going to the dentist. You’re not helping that!

I’m also amazed at some of the new nifty gadgets they have now. My girlfriend sells dental supplies and equipment so I am constantly seeing new stuff. I always just assumed I’d go through life wrapping 12 miles of dental floss around my fingers and sawing away only to have it break between my two teeth as it catches on a filling. Then, you immediately repeat the procedure hoping to fish out that prior piece through a successful subsequent attempt. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Repeating the same procedure and expecting different results.

But I digress; actually they have these little flossing tools. No, they’re not the cute little “swords” that your dentist gives you when you break an arm or a hand or something. These are more like dental toothpicks. Actually, they’re more like a flexible cleaning scrub brush you’d use on toilets or kitchens or something. Nice analogy huh? Just don’t confuse the two products.

She also brought home a couple of “smart” toothbrushes. My kids love ‘em. Me, I guess I’m just too old school. But given enough grief, I decided to try it. So I turn it on, it vibrates and twirls in perfect dental-taught circles, massaging your gums so you don’t have to! It’s also computerized and designed to tell you when to move from upper right to lower right, etc.

Me sitting there massaging my upper right quadrant: “Hey, do I really know when to switch?”
Dental Expert Girlfiend (DEG): “You’ll know, it’ll pause rotation and beep”

Me: “Can I do like my cell phone and download better beep tones?”
DEG: “Just brush…”

Two minutes later…

Me: “Soooo…just how long is this thing programmed to take on each quadrant?”
DEG: “30 seconds”

Me: “Well, it’s been like 3 hours on one quadrant. I think I’m down to pulp by now…”
DEG: “3 hours ago you were eating dinner. But let me see that thing.”

DEG: “Oh, you’ve switched it to the manual mode; it won’t indicate when to switch in that mode”
Me: “I thought this was supposed to simplify the experience”
DEG: “It will, but you have to know what you are doing beforehand”
Me: “I thought I did”
DEG: “You didn’t read the manual”
Me: “I have to read a manual to brush my teeth?”
DEG: “You never read any manuals”
Me: “Good point”

And there sits my new ultra sophisticated toothbrush charging on its holder while I secretly use my old manual toothbrush still. I do like the flossy scrubber things though.


Nessa said...

I like the toilet bowl brush scrubber tooth picks; they create this tiny bit of pain in the gums that is very pleasurable.

I can't live without my vibrating tooth brush but it doesn't make noises.

Anne said...

i like my electric toothbrush and it only has one mode so I do get the signal for a quadrant change, no manual.

btw, my Dentist's name is Dr. Love, no kidding.

ADW said...

I live for flossing my teeth but I cac't stand going to the dentist. It might have something to do with the close to ten grand I have invested in my mouth and my teeth aren't even straight.

Logophile said...

My toothbrush sings to me as I brush each quadrant for 30 seconds. I very carefully avoid touching the buttons, as if I were handing an armed bomb and it seems to all go beautifully.
Maybe you should have someone looking into this problem for you, I mean not a dental professional but ya know, like, a mental health professional

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

As you recall, I have a vibrating razor (which you so wisely told me seemed like a bad combination), and you have a vibrating toothbrush.

What's next, vibrating toilet paper?

Unknown said...

I am old fashion I suppose, but I don't think a toothbrush should need batteries. Maybe its just me. I always thought I was lazy, but this beats me.

Remember when the electric toothbrush was a toy?

Gnomeself Be True said...

I need to check my wife's night stand...but I'm pretty sure I don't have anything in the house that vibrates.

Kurt said...

You mean if I purchase one of those toothbrushes, I can finally stop manually massaging my gums?!

Ed said...

nessa - I'm not going to even ask more about your "vibrating toothbrush" nah nah nah nah nah

anne - But if it doesn't tell you to change quadrants, how will you ever know! Dr Love? Very nice!

adw - Ten thousand!?! Think of the great vacation that would have paid for. Soups not that should have thought it over more.

logophile - A singing toothbrush. Who needs that mental health counsellor? ;)

vibrating TP? Now THAT is an idea I can get behind!

kan - EVERYTHING needs a battery these days. I suspect they are the next Ma-Bell. I'm going to investigate

iamnot - Your not that naieve are you?

kurt - You can manually massage whatever you'd like; I just don't wnat to know about it

Unknown said...

My dentist's name is Dr. Butcher. No kidding...and he did a fantastical job on my root canal for a mch better price than my original doc.
Yuck, I don't want anything in my mouth vibrating. I like manuel..uh, manual.

Dee said...

what is this world coming to--batteris for everyting

Ed said...

greeny - Perhaps Dr. Butcher should team up with Dr. Fear. Quite the team!

gc - It's a conspiracy; I'm sure of it

Camille Alexa said...

Flossy rubber things are the stuff of my nightmares.