Thursday, October 11, 2007

Real Estate through the Galaxy

Sure, Earth is a big mess but in the future perhaps you'll have the entire galaxy to consider when shopping in the real estate market. Let's preview what that might look like:

Mercury – Ok, yeah, it’s burning inferno on one side and a freezing rock on the other…and therein lies the problem. Everyone wants to live on the border (well, ok, everyone HAS to live on the border there). I guess that’s why prices are so high!

Venus – What can I say? If there is a planet that falls into the “chick flick” category, Venus is that planet. Sure, it’s fun to go there as a bachelor; but only girlie men live there. Also, it’s just too cloudy there!



Mars – Now this is a man’s planet!! Martian’s are SO cool too! Ok, so they have this propensity to want to annihilate Earth every now and then but, hey, everyone has faults! I’m not sure I could do the “red” color scheme all the time though.


Jupiter – The prices have skyrocketed here ever since those Jupiter based guys came back and kicked butt in the Olympics; an ancillary benefit to training under intense gravity.



Saturn – The real estate market is actually quite inexpensive due in large part to the fact that no matter how much you clean, you can never get rid of the rings.




Uranus – Hey, the properties are large, they’re great, but ultimately who wants to really admit they live on Uranus. You KNOW how much grief that generates!
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Neptune – It would seem that the universe’s supply of refrigerated items come from here as it is an average temperature of -218C on the surface. But there are wonderful subsurface malls and tourist destinations springing up. Hurry though before all the good caves are taken!



Pluto – Sorry, since science has deemed this not a planet and intergalatical zoning laws forbid living on a non-planet object all the Disney condos planned there have been closed down.



16 comments:

Shawna said...

I'd totally live on Uranus....

Years ago, I wanted to start a t-shirt company all about Uranus.

Just black t-shirts (as black IS the best color) with saying such as the one above (which is a new addition) and things like:

Uranus Rocks
Leave Uranus Out of This Conversation
I (heart) Uranus

Not giving them all away, as maybe I'll still do that.

justacoolcat said...

I'm with Shawna. Besides, how awesome would it be to be able to say "I own Uranus"?

Kurt said...

Isn't there another planet?

Anonymous Boxer said...

It's Saturn all the way for me... the rings are the things.

Carla said...

Show me a girl who doesn't like rings? Saturn rocks!

Kanrei said...

It is a shame there is no "puh-dum-bump" for online jokes. That Saturn one made me add my own. Great post.

Jeff said...

Since Pluto isn't a planet anymore, the CIA will probably take possession of it and make it the new Guantanamo.

VE said...

shawna - See, I just secretly post things to bring out business ideas that I can then steal for my own. Muhaha! But then again, I'm way too lazy.

justacoolcat - I'm glad you own Uranus. I'd hate to think somebody else did!

kurt - You talking about Earth or Planet X from outer space?

ab - They'd be good for commutes; the lanes are already there!

carla - That's funny...and true!

kan - There you are; you disappeared for a little while. Good to have you back.

VE said...

jeff - You're probably right. Poor Pluto. It's got the "small space object" syndrome now.

Kanrei said...

Sorry about being MIA. I wasn't feeling inspired. I posted a (weak) parody yesterday though.

Kanrei said...

VE,
You will dig this. An interview with the legend himself, Weird Al.

Jenny! said...

Fuck Venus...I choose Uranus!

VE said...

kan - Very cool! Funny how there are some songs he'd like to parody but doesn't have the talent or creativity to do it. I notice that too; some songs are easy parody targets but others are not.

jenny - Sounds painful ;)

Tammie Jean said...

Hmmm... for some reason, Mercury sounds cool to me... I wanna live on the edge! I may need to get some big movie-star shades though...

Kelley said...

Phew *wipes brow* I am glad for your sake you didn't mention that pluto is now classified as a dwarf planet.... I did that the other day while blogging about that wonderful tune by Steve from Blues clues and got a barrage of emails from the PC crowd telling me it should be 'Little planet'....
post where I mention it: http://magnetoboldtoo.wordpress.com/2007/10/01/songs-to-wipe-your-sons-arse-to-volume-1/
whinge after backlash: http://magnetoboldtoo.wordpress.com/2007/10/02/steve-is-not-dead/

Personally I prefer one of the moons of Jupiter...

VE said...

tammiejean - Go ahead, live on the edge. It'd be a lot of fun. You know, you move three feet to the right and warm up, three feet to the left; cool down.

kelley - Those darn Pluto fanatics. Always trying to place judgement.