Saturday, October 06, 2007


Now that I have all this time thanks to my ingenious global holiday policy, I’ve really started to wonder about time in general.

Don't even get me started on the amount of time we spend at work vs the amount of time we don't. But fortunately, I'm beyond that all now and can focus on other time related notions...

First of all, what’s up with our Calendar system? I don’t know about you but I wonder how on Earth this thing got approved in the first place.

Here’s how I think it went down:

Genius mathematician and philosopher: “My system is outlined as follows:

The sun light time consists of 100 units of time, each called a slut
Each slut consists of 100 smaller units, each called a smut
Each smut consists of 100 small tiny repeatables, each called a strut”

Religious Politician Zealot: “Are you saying I should strut my smut slut?”

GMP: “Exactly. Now when you start to add up the sluts you get into bigger time units, call them buts”

RPZ: “That’s very logical composing the concept of time into simple units of 100. But I’m afraid the church and state has gone with the committee’s proposal”

GMP: “Oh. And how does their system work?”

RPZ: “See, it’s great. It’s got these units call seconds and there are 60. Then there are these other units called minutes and there are 60 of those”

GMP: Ok, 60 seems confusing but at least it is consistent. Go on…”

RPZ: “Well then, 24 hours make up a day.”

GMP: “Whoa…why did you move to 24? What does that have to do with the 60 theme?”

RPZ: “Nothing…but Nostradamus is predicting that 24 will be important in the future for some performance on something called a TV and for a large grouping of malted beverages or some sort of nonsense. You know how wacky he is but the state deems him important so…”

GMP: “Whatever…go on”

RPZ: “So then the days make up a month”

GMP: “How many?”

RPZ: “It depends. Sometimes its 30, other times its 31, and even one has 28"

GMP: “That’s stupid.”

RPZ: “Oh…and then the one that has 28 has 29 ever fourth year.”

GMP: “That’s REALLY stupid. So why on Earth did they go with this system?”

RPZ: “The committee is really popular with the King and on top of that they have wonderful singing voices.”

GMP: “God help humanity…”


Anonymous said...

Oh how did this make me laugh VE, you have NO IDEA how appropriate this little post is to my life right now. You see my tiny terrorist is obsessed with time, things have to happen on time, his time. He has plans up to 2020 and God forbid if I forget any of his plans. And then there is the little matter of February. I freaking hate February. It doesn't follow the ruuuuulllleeees.... If it is 28 days he wants 29 or vice versa. He has decreed that it now has 45 days, God help his teacher next year.

Oh and he has made up his own units of time. Thankfully he hasn't discovered smuts and sluts.
Ooh, now I have turned into one of those freaky off topic commenters! I had one today that posted a comment of over 1000 words! That is gotta be some record...
*Kelley wanders off muttering to herself.........*

Serena said...

I think that calendars and clocks featuring strutting smut sluts would be much more practical -- not to mention amusing -- than what we're stuck with.:)

Jenny said...

I think you just wanted to write a post where you could type "slut" a whole bunch of times.


Jeff and Charli Lee said...

So I guess it makes sense that all "timed" events are measured in 10ths, 100ths and 1000ths of a second.

Got it.

Logophile said...

Are you suggesting that systems sound be altered to accomodate facts??
HERESY! Put him in the comfy chair!!

Ed said...

kelley - Anyone who makes up his own units of time is OK with me!

sj - The special watch line will be out in the spring

ab - (slut) What (slut) makes (slut) you (slut) say (slut) that?

jeff - We have ten fingers for a reason. Just saying...