Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Ill-Fitted Underwear I have Worn and Sold

Ok, part three in the improv festival here at Fantastical Nonsense. You can still join in on the fun. Just leave me a comment with a subject you’d like me to humor post about.

Here’s what’s still in the queue (a new one got added):
1. Marketing fecal murals (kelley)
2. Filling in for the writer’s strike: What happened on 24, Heroes, and Lost? (kanrei)
3. UFO (unusual feminine objects) nessa

But for now, here’s the combined request of serena joy, jeff, and scary monster “Ill Fitting Women’s Underwear I have Worn and Sold

“Hi, my name is VE, and it has been 2 months since I have last sold a pair of women’s underwear.”

“Hi VE” the group replies in unison.

“Here’s my story…”

It started innocent enough. You know how it goes. First it was a set of Sears unmentionables that I stole from grandma and wore to a toga party. I got second prize that night during the strip down dare contest. Had the audience been a wee bit drunker I might have just won too.

It was fun putting on the girlfriends pink panties for her embarrassment. There were various college pranks and Halloween parties and keggers that fully endorsed the wearing of women’s underwear to rousing applaud with each and every bolder assortment.

Then there was that time I didn’t quite make it back to the hotel from a run. Needless to say, I had to borrow one of her panties for an emergency.

Of course there was always the official wearing during our annual “Walking around in Women’s Underwear Christmas” parade. I think one thing led to another and before you know it, I was wearing them whenever I got the chance.

Even that time I put on a little more weight (before loosing it) didn’t stop me

From just the plain ill-fitted underwear, I moved on to more elaborate tastes. I don’t know that they were necessarily more ill-fitted; I think it just makes people ill looking.

Yes, there was even that time when I got into the REALLY big panties. Talk about ill fitting! But it was just a phase…

But one only has room for so much underwear and I needed to fuel my habit so I started selling them on the secret underground market on the internet. Yes, many people don’t know but there is another ebay related auction site that is between the url’s in a very low definition form that you can only get if you have 2400 baud dial up capability. Anything faster and you wouldn’t even see it.

The uBay underwear auction site saved my life. I was able to buy and sell freely without fear of all the workers in the “unmentionables” departments knowing me too well. On their I was ‘pantyman’ and usually sold my wares under the Ill-Fitted Women’s Used Panties category. My auctions were very popular. Here’s a screen shot from some of the last auctions I did.

But thanks to help and softer men’s briefs in many colors, I have been able to rehabilitate myself from this habit. I can now walk around freely at work without the fear of some lace showing. I’ve even taken up watching more manly guy things like football and Van Damme movies again.

Thank you for listening to my story….


Uncivil said...

I'm scared for life. Too many pictures I didn't need to see! Thanks for sparing us on the skid marks!

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Oh my god, I am SO sorry I asked. Congratulations VE, you've officially scarred me for life.

Serena said...

Pink is definitely your color. I think somebody should get up a grass roots campaign for designing mens' underwear in pretty colors. That way, you could wear your pink with your head held high. I do think I'll pass on the used eBay goods.:-)

Kurt said...

Did you hear about buying underwear on eBay from me?

Uncivil said...

Holy she-hite. I just remembered....it's only gonna get worse! Fecal Murals is/are next! I hope you're not using the ill fitted underware as a canvas!

We have a rather cute "Dog Shit" calendar in our office bathroom. It features the turd of the month along with the canine contributor.

Uncivil said...

I found it http://www.prankplace.com/dogpoop.htm

Unknown said...

I am going home sick now I think. I am also ruined for life now.

Unknown said...

Still in pain.

Schmoop said...

All you are missing is a smart looking pair of High Heels. Cheers!!

justacoolcat said...

I kind of liked the lace look . . . I mean . . umm . . that's gross.

Ed said...

uncivil - Be afraid..be very afraid!

jeff - Never provoke VE!

sj - I thought pink was too.

kurt - You were my inspiration for that part of the story!

kan - Fortunately the posts get archived; it will be safe in the near future.

matt-man - I know, but heels tend to make me too tall

justacoolguy - Shhh...some of them I didn't sell...

Scary Monster said...

This were not what me expectorated when me jumped on the band wagon.

Me been STOMPED!