Thursday, December 20, 2007

Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnant

Ok, in case you just aren’t up on your celebrity gossip, Britney Spears little sister, Jamie Spears is pregnant….at 16! Yes, the star of Nickelodeon’s Zoey101 kids show turned up 12 weeks pregnant when the news hit the press.


Of course, this raises a lot of concerns over at Nickelodeon on what to do with their hit kids show. VE investigators have acquired these exclusive transcripts of an executive board meeting over at Nickelodeon…


Board Chairman: “Ok, let’s get to business folks…as you may have heard, on top of being in a Writers Strike we now have learned that Jamie is pregnant. I don’t think I have to tell you that will send a bad message to a TV show centered around high school life. Now I want innovative ideas on how to spin this…let’s hear them!”

Stuffy female executive having to put up with the good ol’ boys network of executives: “How about we say that it’s not her fault, that she’s gained some stubborn belly fat from poor diet and then we build a series of nutritional and exercise episodes around it?”

Executive drawing unicorns across from her: “No, ultimately the kid audience will recognize what true obesity looks like because they see it in all their real friends. They’ll also know pregnancy gain from all their other real friends.”

Executive with the moustache that everyone disapproves of but won’t say and therefore he gets lower bonus payouts: “How about we take prior footage over to the Lucas Special Effects team and we can just CGI the old Zoey in and the other actors can work against a blue screen. Nobody will know.”

Board ChairmanDeception is good; I like your thought pattern but I just know those greedy special effects guys don’t make a lot of money and one of them will sell out to the tabloids and expose the cover up. Next…”

Old Executive next to female that should have retired five years ago but can’t afford it because he’s got a gambling problem: “With careful filming and editing, we could have Zoey conspicuously always standing behind somebody or something. We could stick to only head shots of her.”

Board Chairman “A worthy idea but it limits our creativity…anyone else?”

Executive laughing in the back because he knows he will ultimately overthrow the Board Chairman and take over: “Let’s just use reruns until the whole thing blows over and she’s delivered. We can blame it on the Writers Strike…which may be what happens anyway.”

Board Chairman “Excellent, I like it. It has deception, blame, and low cost. Good work folks.”

14 comments:

Kanrei said...

I am soooo ashamed at what I am about to do. Forgive me.

It is Britney's sister, Jamie Slut, that is preggers.

I mean I have no idea...

iamnot said...

Wow...if Lousiana girls had been so easy in the 70's, I'd have never left hom.

VE said...

Kan - Thanks for that HUGE miss. What was I thinking??? How could I get all these celebratramps mixed up? All has been corrected...

iamnot - I know, I know...I would have come down there too!

Kanrei said...

I am offically scared now. Please tell me you saw this before you posted and it inspired you. If not, reality is taking its ideas from you and we are in a lot of trouble.

Nickelodeon considers teen pregnancy special

VE said...

OMG, I didn't see that at all. Weird...I was driving in to work and just decided I'd do something funny on the whole issue. My kids watch the show and I only learned about the pregnancy from SJ's post the other day (I'm so disconnected to TV really). It's just so difficult to do over-the-top comedy about the entertainment industry because it's hard to go over their top!

Kurt said...

According to CNN, "Consensual sex between [Spears and her 18-year-old boyfriend] may well have been legal."

Serena Joy said...

I'd recommend that they shelve Zoey 101 and immediately start filming a reality show starring the Spears sisters and their mama. It will be set in a rural Louisiana trailer park and feature lots of cut-off shorts, sex, no underwear, sex, beer and cigarettes, sex, babies, sex, bubba dudes, sex, drugs, sex, some singin', sex, cussin', and plenty of sex.

rjlight said...

They will just have her carrying books all the time. It will be fine, every mother's dream is to see their 16-year-old tv star daughter pregnant.

justacoolcat said...

I think FOX or MTV should sign her to a new reality TV show where she marries K-Fed.

VE said...

kurt - I wondered about that...

sj - You should work for the television stations! You've got a clear winner, there. LOL

rjlight - Welcome. Yeah, that's my dream for my daughter. Only 3 more years; I can't wait...

justacoolcat - Good idea. Maybe they could even have Pam Anderson and big sister over for role models from time to time too.

Jeff said...

I'll bet her momma can't wait for her baby girl's first DUI!

They grow up sooo fast.

magnetoboldtoo said...

Nah, just hang a backpack over her front and make out that it is the latest craze....

Kelley

Uncivil said...

I'm sure Auntie Britney is glad that some of the media attention will be taken off of her for now!!!!

VE said...

jeff - Yes, that will be another PROUD moment in the Spears family. Maybe they can get them all framed in a family photo design. You know, mug shots, warrants, the whole works.

magnetoboldtoo - That will be a pretty big backpack in about 5 months...

uncivil - Can't we blame her for part of this somehow?