Friday, December 07, 2007

Christmas Caroling

AC/DC came to the door last night. No, it wasn’t the famous rock band from the 70s. That might have been fun. We could have snuck over and set up plastic explosives attached to the neighbor’s humungous Christmas displays and then exploding them while we sing “TNT…” But I digress…

No, this was much worse. AC is our little acronym for “Awful Carolers” and DC is our little acronym for “Dumb Carolers”. Everyone and everything has to have an acronym these days. I keep a handy little cheat chart in my wallet; right next to the tip conversion chart. But I digress…

Ok, the awful carolers show up first. This is a spiffy looking group. They are all in green or red décor and they assemble themselves like they were going to be singing to the Pope in Madison Square Garden.

The only problem is….THEY CAN’T SING! Oh, they know the words and the tune well. But this is painful. After the first few verses, I’m really wishing I carried those emergency construction ear plugs on my person at all times (note to self for next year).

The low point of their performance was trying to hit the high point in the Little Drummer Boy. I was quite concerned for the glass windows in the house. Fortunately, they only stayed for two songs. I suspect that when the home owners went screaming into the house, locked the doors and turned the porch light out that they got the hint that perhaps two songs is sufficient for each house. Of course, nobody has the heart to tell them that their magic number of songs to perform is ZERO!!!

And then later that night came the dumb carolers. Let me tell you right now. This group can sing! They were great….err…if they could just learn the songs. I thought I was watching Saturday Night Live right on my front porch…on a Thursday no less. I think I’d have trouble even coming up with better bumbles and missteps than they did. It was a scene where you had to force yourself to keep from just rolling on the floor laughing. It was one of those fake smile moments where you are gritting your teeth to hold the laughter in. I’ll probably have to have all my teeth capped now.

Now in this case, if I could have been allowed to laugh right at them and they were willing to bumble through more than two songs, it would have been GREAT! But, alas, the abdominal stomach muscles can only last so long and their ability to comprehend more than two songs wasn’t there and so the show ended after only the two.

And while yes, caroling is rare these days, I can personally say that GOOD caroling is even rarer.

11 comments:

Matt-Man said...

Consider yourself lucky. I had Jehova's Witnesses Carolers show up at my door last night singing a song called "Death To Christmas". Oddly enough, the melody was kinda frolicky.

Cheers!!

VE said...

matt-man - That's funny. You should have passed out copies of the Book of Mormon when they were finished as a thank you...

iamnot said...

Three years ago, I had a group of HS girls in short red santa outfits come by to carol.
That night, I learned 2 things I already knew.
1) I'm a perv.
2) Pretty girls don't need talent.

VE said...

iamnot - That's funny. Of course you'd have to live somewhere fairly far south to be able to wear little red outfits without freezing. That won't be happening where I live...

Serena Joy said...

I haven't had carolers show up at my door in ages. Maybe it's just as well.

I am LMAO at matt-man's and iamnot's comments.:-)

Uncivil said...

"Mistress For Christmas"
Best Christmas song ever!

Kurt said...

I would take any carolers at this point.

VE said...

sj - They are rare these days but this is a Pleasantville type neighborhood. And watch out for matt-man and iamnot...trouble!

uncivil - Hmmm...I'll have to check that one out; thought I'd heard it all

kurt - I don't know; after that stunt you pulled on Todd; I think they are avoiding you for safety reasons!

justacoolcat said...

Lucky for you the two groups of carolers don't form into one super group like AC/DC. Can you imagine their forgetful off-key antics at 50?

VE said...

justacoolcat - Combining them would be bad...for sure.

Kelley said...

We don't get carolers in Oz. Probably staying inside in the airconditioning.

Or maybe they avoid this street due to the high number of creepy men hiding in the bushes.

I lurve Matt-mans comment. The only JW's I get are all deadpan.

magnetoboldtoo!