Thursday, December 13, 2007

Christmas Theme Week

Well, I think it'll be theme week at work for VE again. What is theme week? It's when I alter my personality and surrounding into a popular TV or movie theme. Let's do Christmas this time around:

Monday. How the Grinch Stole Christmas theme.


I’ll decorate the car like a giant sleigh filled with empty bags. I’ll mount a fake dog with antlers tied to it on the front and then I’ll dress up in a Grinch outfit and drive to work all the while snapping my whip out the sun roof at the fake dog.

At work I’ll slither through the cubicles and remove all the obnoxious Christmas decorations. I’ll raid the office refrigerator and cafeteria of all the food. At lunch, I’ll feast on roast beast. And then, while at the corporate holiday meeting I’ll realize that perhaps Christmas means just a little more…like….where in the hell is my Christmas bonus check you cheap ass managers!

Tuesday. It’s a Wonderful Life theme


I’ll slog to work all tired and frustrated. I’ll take my two dollar Christmas bonus and put them into a cage and rattle them around. I’ll try to convince my coworkers to make a run on the bank. I’ll call my boss a warped frustrated old man. I’ll tell all my coworkers that I wished I’d never been hired at all. Then I’ll be visited by Clarence; the HR employee who will show me just how things would have functioned without me. Suddenly, there’s an extra parking space outside. My boss gets demoted because he doesn’t have me to blame and pawn off his work on and then take the credit later. In the end, they convince me that it is a wonderful life because who else would have sabotaged vacationing employee cubes as creatively as me. Remember, every time a bell rings, some employee gets his bonus cut…

Wednesday. Frosty the Snowman theme


I’ll go to work in my fleece underwear and then roll in the snow when I get outside so I look like a snowman. I’ll take the train to work (in the ice cream car of course). At work my magician boss (his work disappears and ends up in my in basket) will lock me into the hot meeting room where I melt. But the building janitor reminds everyone that you can never really make me go away (union) and he takes me into the cafeteria cooler and I turn back into a snowman. For the afternoon we go sledding and sing songs while my boss chases after us trying to get us to go back to work.

Thursday. Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer theme


I’ll go to work with a glowing red nose and everyone will laugh and call me names. Nobody will let me play management games. I’ll run away from my meeting and set out aimlessly across the parking lot in search of my purpose in life. I’ll meet a dentist student and a rare mineral speculator there and we’ll have adventures out there in the parking lot. We’ll discover the land of misfit office chairs; strange shaped chairs that don’t adjust and aren’t comfortable. They’ll plead with us to have facilities management place them somewhere they would be wanted. Eventually, my boss figured I am useful because during a blackout my nose is the only thing to brighten the key meeting and save the office deal…for which I’ll see nothing in payment and gratitude.

Friday. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation theme

I’ll start off bringing a Christmas tree into work that I made coworkers walk with me to the undeveloped lot adjacent to our work property to get. It’ll be so large that it wipes out six cubicles and contains a squirrel that gets stuck in our fax machine.

I’ll put 65,234 Christmas lights in my cube and tie them all to my computer power strip which I then plug directly to the office lights so that every time I turn on my lights, the rest of the building goes dark.

Then, I’ll tie up my boss and demand he give us better Christmas bonuses while the strange employee at the end cubicle who mumbles and seems to live at work passes out gift subscriptions to the Jelly of the Month Club. I’ll have my uncle swing by in his dilapidated RV and run the sewer hose into the men’s room for a couple of hours.

23 comments:

Theresa said...

Okay, are you going to take pictures?

Kanrei said...

Saturday- A Christmas Story: You will go to the mall and be assaulted by the neighborhood bully as well as Santa. You will try in vein to get the one gift you really wanted more than anything and, once getting it, will promptly shoot your eye out. Your dinner will be stolen by the local pack of dogs and you will be forced to have Chinese food. Oh, and that ugly lamp your father wins will be broken, but is that really all that bad?

Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra

Jen said...

two dollar Christmas bonus???

that's $1.50 more than I get!

lucky bastard..

VE said...

theresa - As much as I'd love to post some embarrassing pictures of me at work...no!

kan - Fantastic Saturday! I like it! The sad part is I will try in vein to get a gift for the kids at the mall and probably be foiled due to it being too popular this year (Guitar Hero III). Doh!

jen - Yeah, but it's Canadian currency so we're about even...

Kanrei said...

Screw Activision! Get Rock Band instead. I have both games and I am PISSED OFF at Activision right now. Petty little pricks.

ADW said...

Damn it!! I can't concentrate enough to comment because my dog is snoring right now.

Cindrarella said...

Yeah, I'm with Theresa. I want to see the pics!

Hey, speaking of Theresa, she placed first and on your very first try at TGQDC, you came in a very close second to her! CONGRATS! And thanks for playing. Hope you come back for more!

justacoolcat said...

I think I like the Grinch theme the best.

When the last coworker went on vacation I organized a cubicle prank. We covered everything in tinfoil and I mean everything; right down to individually wrapped pens.

VE said...

kan - I'll be lucky to find any of them before Xmas.

adw - Profanity; I need profanity comments please...

cindrarella - Welcome. WOW! Second? Amazing; I wrote that on a whim based on surfing to your site from Theresa's awhile back. I'll have to come back then, it was fun.

justacoolcat - Awesome! I put 54 office chairs into my boss's office once. We also converted a fellow worker's cube into a bathroom with toilet, shower, tile, the works. It is a fun tradition to mess with cubicles.

Kanrei said...

We were decorating the Christmas tree in the office when we suddenly noticed a co-worker's empty desk; she called in sick. We stopped with the tree and did her desk instead. She was not happy when she came back. We are talking lights, tinsle, and even an angel. It looked awesome.

Nessa said...

Now I'm in the Christmas spirit.

VE said...

kan - Yeah, they never appreciate the creativity and effort that goes into a good cube alteration, do they? Perhaps one of us should do a post that spotlights worthy cubicle decoration efforts; I'm sure there are plenty of photos out there. I did one early on but didn't have a lot of photos.

VE said...

nessa - Glad I jump started that Christmas spirt for ya!

Dan said...

I’ll slog to work all tired and frustrated

Hey wait a second! That's me EVERY day.

Kurt said...

You have got to find a way out of this job.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Damn it!! I can't concentrate enough to comment because ADW's dog is snoring right now.

Marie said...

Jelly of the month? Does it include KY?

Where can I get me some fleece undies???

Kelley said...

I will be over on Friday OK? Make sure the coffee is hot.

NYD said...

Sounds like it's gonna be one helluva week. Don't forget the eggnog!

VE said...

dan - I'm sorry I was able to reconstruct your job scenario with the It's a Wonderful Life. Try the Grinch one next week!

kurt - I should try doing a zine!

mr. fab - I know; I almost didn't the thing written because of that damn dog

marie - Welcome! KY would be there; just don't spread it on your toast! And fleece undies; I'm in the NW so there EVERYWHERE!

kelley - This is Portland, OR. I can't even get past my driveway without going by a Starbucks. Bring some Pavlova with you...

nyd - Gotta make the days pass fast somehow. Blogging helps too. Egg nog won't hurt either.

Jeff said...

And you'll go to work with a glowing red nose because you'll be snockered from having too many rum balls for breakfast and too much egg nog in your coffee cup. Unfortunately, you'll also then leap around the office proclaiming that one of the women in HR "think's I'm cute!"

VE said...

jeff - Good one Jeff. Of course, she then files a claim for harrassment...you know how it goes.

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