Death Diet

Are you overweight?

Would you like to be the lightest you can possibly be in the fastest time you can possibly get there?

Well thanks to our patented Death Diet, you too can achieve your weight loss goals.

Yes, the problem with most other radical diets is that while they remove the stubborn belly fat that isn’t your fault, there are still internal organs, muscle, and skin that weigh you down.

“Muscle is quite heavy actually” quotes our 15 year old quack doctor.

Sure, you can use age old techniques of bulimia and anorexia but these take time and they still don’t address all the internal organ weight. That’s gonna be around to hold you down!

But thanks to our technique, in a matter of days you can look like this:


“I lost all my weight on the Death Diet…and I didn’t even have to give up smoking!”

That’s right folks, act now and we’ll send you a number of our favorite recipes.

Frog Legs. These frogs are so lethally potent you’ll experience the weight loss faster than you can say “rigor mortis”

Chicken and Night Shade Salad. For those of you that prefer a lighter meal, our night shade salad should do the trick. Act now and we’ll even through in some Hemlock to add to the salad!

Don’t have time for a meal? Try our sulfuric acid tea. It’s quite wholesome!

Are you a snacker? Don’t worry, we’ve got chocolate! Our chocolate covered black widows are just the right combination of poison and sweet.

Yes, think how light you’ll feel as a skeleton out on the track. No more muscle pulls. No more beer gut. No more anything! No diet in the world can provide as much weight loss. And finally…a diet where your weight loss won’t vary! It’s the same for everyone.

(Those of you that have never taken calcium supplements will experience better results through loss of skeleton mass..and with any death diet, ask your mortician before proceeding).