Friday, January 11, 2008

Fun in the Grocery Store

We’ll keep it short this time around because I guarantee you I could spend hours and pages of text talking about weird and baffling things that go on at a grocery store.

No, I’m not talking about always selecting the line with the old lady that has green stamps and they have to look it up in a manual to see if they can still accept them.

I’m not even talking about those new fangled self serve checkout registers where it actually takes twice as long and makes you feel like an idiot while you scream at a machine…

I’m talking about products themselves. Let’s take two for today:

1. Arm and Hammer Baking Soda


You gotta hand it to them. What other product in the entire store can you bake with, clean with, and deodorize with? Come on, that is some serious diversity!

Sure, you can use your sugar cookie as a dessert, coaster and push pin holder but that’s quite a stretch.

I don’t see Ritz Crackers advertised as snack food, ninja weapon, and poker chip!

I’m still waiting for Tootsie Rolls to advertise that they’re also good for prank gags (you know what I mean…).

2. Eggs

Have you noticed all the trends lately? First it was “uncaged hens”. This is supposed to make you feel good about consuming their offspring.

Then it was “free range” hens. This meant that they lived healthier frolicking in the field rather than cooped up uncaged in some chicken coop with a thousand other slave egg producing chicken.

Lately it’s been organic. This means that they weren’t fed cow brains or Twinkies or some other non-nutritional food. Oh brother, don’t even get me started on “natural” and “organic”…that’s a complete post in itself.

I’m thinking if this trend continues I’m only going to buy eggs from chickens that have a positive demeanor; chickens that get the proper sleep, exercise and take yoga. I want smart chickens…don’t give me eggs from those dumb ones; I’m a sophisticated consumer!

17 comments:

Kanrei said...

How long until we advertise eggs in the “proper terms?” You know, like “would you care to purchase a carton of twelve chicken menstruation residuals?” “How about some scrambled unfertilized chicken embryos with pig ass meat?”

Ohhh…its lunchtime. I think I want an Egg McMuffin. There is no egg anywhere near that.

iamnot said...

For health reasons, I only eat those egg white only products.
I wonder if we could get chickens to lay just the white?

Kanrei,
Actually, bacon comes from the underside (belly) of the pig.
So, pig tummy meat.

Kanrei said...

I was thinking about ham, but bacon works too.

VE said...

Bacon? Bacon? Did somebody say bacon?

Nessa said...

I'd like some bacon to go with my genius eggs.

VE said...

nessa - genius eggs will be the next fad...you watch! Now I just hope that bacon came from a happy high-altitude living, philosophy major pig...

Marie said...

Baking soda can also be used to save the planet from all that "carbon footprint" BS. Seriously, Google it.

Chelle B. said...

Glad you stumbled in over at my place! :)

FYI Baking soda also helps clear up acne. I am not kidding, I am a licensed skin care specialist and (when I used to work instead of sitting around blogging for fun all day) I used it many times on many clients.

Weird huh?!

Kurt said...

I buy all organic food.

Kelley said...

I get eggs from my parents 'hobby farm'

So my eggs are from lovingly tended, petted, individually named chickens.

Still taste like chicken periods to me.

amarilla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amarilla said...

(trying again...)

Hi VE
I just came across your blog by doing an image search for Lava Soap. For some reason, the photo showing the T-shirt Got Milf? came up. There's been a lot of talk about milfs here in brooklyn lately along the lines of do we have any or not. some say yes, others say you have to go to Manhattan for milf.

Then I saw the photo of the Arm & Hammer, that arm, that hammer, what are they trying to tell me, whose arm is that, don't they want it back by now? And I forgot all about milfs.

Anyway, thanks for making a sad lady smile. I will be back. I relate to you because I also have a little too much fun in the grocery store. If you want to read my pathetic attempt at something like humor have a look

http://brooklynometry.blogspot.com/2008/01/lava-soap-at-met-food.html

9:11 AM

VE said...

marie - That's wild!

chelle - Thanks for visiting. Wow, I did not know that.

kurt - Of course you do...

kelley - Egg periods? I may never eat breakfast again.

amarilla - Welcome! Glad you enjoyed it; I'll check out your blog. Yeah...grocery stores have no end to humor.

pb said...

hey there!
i'm going to give you a jag and say that baking soda isn't particularly DIVERSE, but it IS versatile. :0)
and the egg thing is TOTALLY another story... like PAGES LONG! because even "cage free" is a long shot from the (as i like to refer to them) yard birds that kelley mentioned the 'rents have.
grocery shopping is actually my FAVORITE sort of shopping! unless i'm able to be out finding gifts for folks, etc. it's really fun for me, i love food. and now with all the crazy specialty items ... olive bars, prepared foods, etc. it can be overwhelming! EEP!
anyhow, i found you through a search for the combination of VE, believe it or not. and here you are. nice to meet you :0)

Dee said...

anyway you look at it, your eating something shot out of the butt of a chicken...lol
I enjoyed reading your blog...
Dee

VE said...

pb - Welcome. Wow, I've never searched on VE before...

dee - Oh sure...point that out as I'm having breakfast...

Bunk said...

I love eggs, cholesterol and all, even though they come out of the back end of a chicken as "Dee" pointed out. Google "Texas Long Hens" and see what else you find.

Nice site, btw.