Monday, February 04, 2008

Driving for the Sexes

In an effort to help each of the sexes better understand their counterparts, I’ve gone ahead with my spare time and opened up the VE “Step in their Shoes” driving school.

Yes, there are two distinct classes designed specifically to help understand and learn the challenges and skills brought forth by each sex in the world of automobile navigation.

1. Drive Like a Woman Course – 3 full days

One day to meet and socialize before the course and then shop to do the course
One day to do the course
One day to discuss your feelings, gossip and get each other’s phone numbers afterwards

In this course, in addition to learning proper back seat language, we’ll have a number of hand on exercises available to help you with every situation:

- Putting on makeup at 70mph on the freeway
- Proper seating arrangements for 7 soccer kids
- Misc: Proper use and location of mirrors, asking directions, etc.

In addition, we’ll properly train you on basic use of safety devices.

Our hands-on mud course will help you understand why women can’t navigate mud

Parking skills will be essential portion of the curriculum

After the course, you too will have this insane ability.

2. Drive Like a Man Course – 2 day

One day doing the course
One day high fiving, having some congratulatory beers, talking sports, and having a poker game

In this course you can forget the manual and the study part of the course; this will abbreviate the course as you use trial and error principles.

Of course, before actually driving, you’ll need to understand the basic principles of a good stereo system

Our on course maze will really help test your improvisational driving direction “gut feel” intuition. Windows that do not roll down help in eliminating the urge to actually ask for directions.

Getting in touch with your animal instincts and emotions is a key part of the course. We'll provide you with a handy "Road Rage" tip sheet with some great one liners to use in applicable situations.

Also, we’ll spend a fair amount of time learning what is too fast for a corner even though it works on the X-Box Grand Prix game.

Yes, these courses will help bring further understanding and harmony between the sexes.


Kurt said...

She can not navigate my mud anytime.

Maureen said...

Har!!!! Glad you are having this course for BOTH sexes; otherwise I might have been offended ...


Love the parking photos... wow.

Mother Theresa said...

You'll have to include parking training for women since many have been told that this:


is eight inches.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

I see you like to push your luck eh? I'll just wait over here and watch the fallout.

Ed said...

kurt - See...the courses are already bringing the sexes closer together!

maureen - Yeah...I worried about offending...for a micro-second. Since everyone knows I'm never serious they just dismiss anything offensive as VE being juvinile and wait for another less offensive but still juvinile post from me.

theresa - Good point. That eight inch thing...maybe that was just a conversion error...he meant millimeters, she thought inches.

jeff - You gotta live on the edge. Apparently I step over it quite often...that's probably why I have broken ribs right now. But I am happy to provide fallout entertainment for everyone's benefit.

Unknown said...

I have no comments...I am laughing to hard to type.

Do not ask how I typed this then.

Dee said...

well, let me see--I think there should be a special course in hand signals to give to men who think they should direct (distract) you while you try to park your car or back out of somewhere

justacoolcat said...

You're braver than I. Though, I'm not sure brave is the right word.

Ed said...

kan - You never said you could multitask. Laughing and typing are difficult!

gc - As a male, I obviously won't be paying attention long enough to have your suggestion added to the male course however as a safe guard I have deferred all said correspondence to my girlfriend who will help alleviate my said inattention...all meaning we'll probably add your suggestion to the course. Thank you for your concern.

justacoolcat - Stupid is as stupid does. I RULE stupidland!

NYD said...

VE it looks as if you missed out on a driving course for foreigners who wish to use the great American highways.

loved the motorcycle helmet pic

Uncivil said...

I really like the mud wrasslin chic with the Sixty 9 shirt.

But that car with the stereo had me cringing! There should be a bounty on the bastards that drive around with that trunk thumpin chit!

Serena said...

Can I volunteer to teach one of the men's courses? I'm pretty I could teach them a thing or two.:)

Ed said...

nyd - Good callout. You're right about that! Funny though, I see less accidents in countries where there are less enforced rules about lanes, etc.

uncivil - You could probably here that car in the next county!

sj - Sure. You can be our guest instructor!

Carla said...

Glad to see both sexes have their faults when it comes to driving. He, he.

Ed said...

carla - Yes they do!