Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hair - Part 1

I realized that I just hadn’t bottomed out on mundane subjects. Certainly I could do more…

Hair is a great one. What’s not funny about hair? In fact, there is so much, I’m going to make this a multi-part post since I know nobody reads more than a few lines of my drivel per post. Let’s examine some styles and common predicaments:

The Fro

Ok, don’t even start with me on the “I wasn’t born then…” regarding the 70s. You’ve seen the hair styles. One of the interesting styles that has not come back full force is the afro. Sure, pretty much everything has cycled through again in a small way. That’s only because today’s generations lack the effort to introduce something really, really bad.

At the extreme end of the afro personification is Robert Flack.

This is right off one of her albums (you read about albums in History 101 I’m sure).

DAMN! Seriously, WTF? Did you know that mathematicians use this as a true gauge for a perfect circle and study angles based on it? Not only could you hide a pencil in there, you could put the sharpener, your text books, and perhaps your school desk!

Of course VE investigators found this little known special order product from the era:

Now the next one clearly represents what would happen to hair in a zero gravity environment.

You know, it sort of looks like that Hair Bear cartoon character from TV…

Our next example is more akin to what would happen if you were plummeting straight down feet first at a high rate of speed all of the time. Or, it could be more like if hair were rigid like uncooked noodles.

You know, as Don King gets older, his hair looks more and more like that gal in the Frankenstein movies.

Am I right, or am I right?

Stay tuned for Part 2 where we uncover the bare truth about hair…

12 comments:

Uncivil said...

Roberta Flack Q-Tips? Now that is just gross! They would look like Jheri curls when you pulled them out of your ears?

Kurt said...

Well, I grew up in the midst of many many fros, so they seem normal to me. You must admit that Beyonce's fro in Austin Powers was adorable.

Matt-Man said...

I can hear Don King saying to the Frankenstein Chick, "C'mere Baby, I'm gonna make you a Pay-Per-View Superstah." Cheers!!

Serena Joy said...

How sure are we that Roberta Flack and Phil Spector aren't the same person? And how do we know Don King isn't hiding in there?:)

Marie said...

My brothehr had an afro when he was in high school (class of '90). It looked especially bad because he is 6'6" and very thin, and white. And wears glasses. But he deliberately fluffed out his curly hair for an afro effect. I guess he figured he was a social reject anyway, he might as well have some fun with it.

VE said...

uncivil - But they're quite cushy!

kurt - That's true, Beyonce's fro was it, baby!

matt-man - That Don King, he'll never change, will he?

sj - That's a great point. I can't be sure either. He looks a little whiter but then again there is the Michael Jackson effect to consider there. Perhaps Don King is in there. That would explain a lot...or not

marie - Sort of a giagantic Napolean Dynamite?

Kelley said...

Phew!!!! I was expecting to see a picture of me and the monstrosity of hair that I posted the other day.

The Roberta Flack Q-Tips are an act of genius.

I bow to you. And send you my PA's sister....

Barry Nong said...

If I had an afro like that I think I would paint an 8 on it.

Bunk said...

Gotta be a pun in there about Roberta Flack's Stax o' Wax, but I just can't dig it out.

My all time favorite 'fro was Billy Preston's huge bouncin' microphone protector.

Or maybe it was Ken Green's. He was a white guy I went to college with. When he got out of the dorm shower, he was two feet shorter, especially without his lifter boots on.

VE said...

kelley - Don't get your hopes up yet, I've still got part three where I address some of the women's hair styles...

barry - Welcome. Now that's a great idea! But I think people would be smacking you a lot if you did...everyone wants to hit the 8 ball.

bunk - Man, I forgot about Billy Preston...he had the fro/beard combo for almost full fro coverage!

HeyJoe said...

Poor old Phil. I'm not sure that a deeper end can be gone off of

VE said...

heyjoe - Welcome. Yeah, Phil probably is in the top 10 for blog photo fodder...