Thursday, February 14, 2008

Hair - Part 2

Welcome back to our multi-part post on yet another mundane subject: Hair

If you haven’t read the previous posts on this, get your ass back there and read it. Remember, if you take the fifth letter of the second word of every paragraph in all the posts you’ll….have a mess of random letters. But I digress…

First let’s just cover the whole lack of hair phenom, shall we?

The world is not fair and when it comes to hair, there are those that seem to keep it and those that don’t. Oh, and then there are all the in between stages. Let’s start with those:

Balding

First of all, receding hair is fairly common.
We see this in a geographic sense too. Land masses move and the ocean forms large bays or inlets. Eventually the protruding land mass breaks off to form its own island.

Having your “own island” on your head though isn’t like having your own island on Earth. It’s not a good thing!

Now, receding hair isn’t the only pattern. The most common is sort of like a dry lake in a meadow. Grass everywhere and then suddenly, nothing but dirt. Same here, hair everywhere, then suddenly nothing but scalp.

Of course, there is always the spray on hair to solve this. I’m just not sure about that whole concept. Spray on hair? Is that like really fine silly string in blonde, brown, red, or black? Weird! Besides, when I go to the store to get hairspray, I don’t mean literally!

The problem with balding is that it doesn’t play fair. There are other less common patterns. For instance, the wide river flowing:

And then we get into those that can’t accept reality: the comb overs.


What are these people smoking in thinking THAT looks good? It looks like some kind of string instrument attached to your head! Oh, and don’t even try to think about lowering your part. That’s not going to work either!

Here’s an example of some high profile comb-overs and/or hair that looks like a rug:


But with Michael Jordon really making bald men acceptable and sexy, there’s no reason to suffer all of these things. Shave it. In the process, you might have some fun with hair sculpting…

Ok, this person obviously had too much fun. Weird.

Oh, and while balding happens in a lot of men, it doesn’t mean it can’t happen with women. Sometime unintentional:

Sometimes intentional

In either case, it isn’t pretty…

Stay tuned for part three where you can earn double the points…

10 comments:

iamnot said...

I suffer from the baldness thing. I've taken the anti-comb-over approach of buzzing it down to near skin.
I guess that makes me most like brit...except for the boobs and money of course.

Kurt said...

I wish I was bald.

VE said...

iamnot - That's the dignified thing to do. Reality is as reality does...

kurt - That can be arranged...

Carla said...

Whoever thought of the comb-over? If it's gotten to that, it is best to just shave it all down.

Theresa said...

So, are you trying to tell us something? Does this mean you're going to shave it all off?

VE said...

carla - Please encourage them to!

theresa - No, fortunately I'm lucky in that I have my hair and not very much gray. That's good because I spend all of 2 minutes with it each morning.

Serena Joy said...

I must say, I think I prefer yesterday's fros and the Don King look to spray-on hair and islands on the head. And those bad comb-overs scare me!:)

theoffendedblogger said...

Hahahaaaaa!!

A good friend once told me that a bald spot was just a "solar panel for a sex machine".

I believed him so now I make my hubby shave his whole head!!! :D

Matt-Man said...

Benny Hinn is my hero. Praise Jeebus. Cheers!!

Jeff said...

I refuse to comment on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.

Wait, I just did.