Thursday, February 28, 2008

Lyrics Audit

This being tax time, it’s also audit time. I’ve promoted myself to official song lyric auditor.

“But VE, what qualifications do you have to be an auditor?” you ask.

Well, for one thing, I called attention to the whole Babylon scandal! I called James Blunt’s bluff (say that five times fast)! I called out the babbling “I know” thing going on with Leon Russell’s “Ain’t no Sunshine”.

But if that’s not enough qualifications, remember:

Those who do: do
Those who can’t: teach
and those who can’t teach: audit.
Enough said.

First of all, I’m going right to biggies: The Beatles. Call me foolish, but even the best have their moments. Case in point:

Lyric Audit 12007: “She’s Leaving Home” Group: The Beatles

Lyrics in question: “Fun is the one thing that money can’t buy…”

Audit notes:
Wait a minute here. I thought “Money can’t buy you love”? Anyone can buy fun! Fun is easy.

Leave it alone. The main audience for said music is aging rapidly and you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. It is better to leave the mistake and let them all die peacefully with the original version than to edit a Beatles song, causing baby boomer revolt, ebay bootlegs, and mass hysteria.

Lyric Audit 12008: “Roundabout” Group: Yes

Lyrics in question “Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there”

Audit notes:
After a brief discussion with “Physics Today” editor, Ima Geek, we have confirmed that indeed, mountains do not come out of the sky but are instead “land masses that extend above the surrounding terrain.” produced by the movement of lithospheric plates (note – these plates are not the kind available from your China replacement web site).

In addition, it has generally been confirmed that mountains do not “stand”, they merely exist.


RED MOJO said...

Okay, I get those, but what's wrong with 10 or 13 "I know"s in a row? That's for when you really know!

United Studies said...

Money can in fact buy lots of things, especially if you have lots of it. Money can buy you friends, fun, love and temporary happiness.

And just because someone is editor of Physics Today does not mean they are a geek. :-)

What is a geek?

Nessa said...

I thought your title said Lyrics Adult and I was hoping for naughty songs.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Yeah, shouldn't it say "mountains come out of the sky and they HANG there"?

leelee said...

Congrats on your 400th post. I have a lot of catching up to do..


Serena said...

River deep, mountain high. But -- does anybody really know what time it is? I know, I know, I know, I know ... girls just want to have fun. I have no idea what I'm babbling about. I could write lyrics.:)

Unknown said...

What about "you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you" in a song filled with "you walked into the party" and "you had one eye in the mirror." Who else could it be about other than you? Perhaps Carly Simon does not understand the proper uses of the word "you."

Anonymous said...

Uh, d00d, srously, if you want to understand Jon Anderson lyrics you need to put on your birkenstocks, don't shower for a year, and smoke a foot-long pot/alfalfa-sprout doobie.

justacoolcat said...

I want to know about that "goo gooo ga joob" thing.

Ed said...

red mojo - Ten...maybe acceptable, but 26, no way! I'm drawing the line at that!

jacki - It was just a coincidence that Mr. Geek was the editor...

nessa - That kind of music is called rap. If you combine it with's crap.

jeff - That would be a bit more accurate, wouldn't it. I just have problems with the whole mountains coming out of the sky at all...

leelee - That's right...there will be a test later. Thanks.

sj - Man, package that up right now and sell it!

kan - You know, I never thought of it that way before. You're right!

jeffrey - For a year? Seriously? Can I just smoke the foot long thing and call it even?

justacoolcat - That, my friend, is a whole other mystery.

Kurt said...

I'm still worried about Mischa Barton.

RED MOJO said...

Alright 26, but come on, man, It's not warm when she's away!

sprinkle4 said...

hehehe.... "ebay bootlegs".....something about the way that sounds is just funny....not to mention the fact that you have probably coined a new phrase which will be in Webster's Dictionary next year.

And I have actually seen mountains come out of the sky.....course it WAS the 80's and I WAS doing some recreational drugs at the time...but that's not the point. They were there and I saw them!

Ed said...

kurt - I know your concerned but she'll be fine in that jail...

red mojo - That's it...if it's not warm then he's obviously shivering and that has caused the repetiveness

sprinkle4 - It worries me that you have actually seen mountains come out of the sky. I hope they were just standing there...

Mother Theresa said...

So, you're saying that money can buy you everything except lithospheric plates?

Cograts on getting picked over at Diesels...your caption was great.

Anonymous said...

You're taking some of the lyrics completely out of context. For example, YES' Roundabout:
"In and around the lake,
Mountains come out of the sky
And they Stand There."

Lookee here. YES is British. The Brits refer to the Atlantic as "The Pond." It wouldn't be much of a stretch to view the Pacific, a larger body of water, as "the Lake."

It's a well known fact that Jon Anderson's handwriting quality is at or about the same level as that of my cat. The word "sea" was misread as "sky." Steve Howe decided to leave it in.

So now we have mountains coming out of the Pacific Ocean. The mountains undoubtedly refer to islands, and probably to Hawaii (as opposed to Enewitok). It's all very geotechnical what with continental plates drifting willy nilly all over the world. Hope that clears things up for you.