Friday, February 08, 2008

National Guard Recruiting – Part Deux

It seems that the previously reported recruiting techniques (refresh yourself here…I think I had only three or so readers back then…I’ve at least doubled that number now) have been less successful than they had hoped.

“It seemed like the perfect plan; raise babies to be ‘volunteered’ right into the Guard as they come of age.” recalls General Misery in another exclusive interview with VE reporters.

Well, who would have thought that they would backlash from the process. They had it all: candy, junk food, X-Box, high screen TVs, weapons, everything. That is until an entire platoon err…nursery was reported missing. A series of tunnels were found. Three to be exact: Huey, Duey and Louey. “It’s like something right out the movie The Great Escape” commented Private Parts, the medical assistant on base.

Though the tunnels were destroyed, the whole initiative had to be scrapped. The National Guard was back to square one: Dwindling recruit incentives with an unpopular war still on. What to do?

If you were in a movie theatre in 2007 you probably saw one of their failed attempts: A music video featuring an actual rock band. The recruiting ploy didn’t work though.

But oddly enough, recruiting was up at the end of 2007. VE investigators set off to understand why…

Apparently, they relaxed the entry requirements to allow the disabled to sign up. This was just one of their special incentives to make that feasible…

God Bless American ingenuity!

6 comments:

Kanrei said...

I really hope you are saving those parodies, because that one is great!

Serena Joy said...

NOW I understand the military mentality better.:-)

Kurt said...

Just how many reporters are on staff there?

VE said...

kan - They're all there in the archives for some unfortunate soul to accidently stumble upon

sj - Just like the old military intelligence joke...

kurt - I like to keep a lot employed so they aren't begging me at the on and off ramps

Jeff said...

When my brother was in the Air Force his boot camp was run by a guy named Richard Head. I'm not making this up... if you used his "nickname" he was known as Major Dick Head.

VE said...

jeff - Now that's classic! I was in the Coast Guard and I can just see everyone picking up on that one!