Saturday, February 02, 2008

New Titles

Rambo is out again. Yes, that’s right, Sylvester Stallone has officially milked the only two decent movies he’s ever been in once again (Rocky and First Blood in case you were wondering which movies).

I was thinking more about this tradition of making endless sequels to movies whether we want them or not (think Police Academy here). Then I got to thinking about Titles in general and the need for some editorial revisions. All that thinking boiled down to this as a starting point:

Original Title:
Throw Mama From the Train

New Title:
Throw Mama From the Train; then throw the producer, the director, the writers and the actors

Sequels we pray we don’t see:
Throw mama from the boat
Throw mama from the plane
Throw mama from the RV
Throw mama from the roller coaster
Mama becomes a Throw Rug

Original Title:
Little House on the Prairie

New Title:
Little white trespassers squatting without permission on Native American Land they will soon steal for their own.

Sequels we pray we don’t see:
Little House on the Tundra
Little House on the Serengeti
Chachi Loves Charles
Original Title:
The Silence of the Lambs

New Title:
The Silence of the Lambs and the audience while they contemplate if their next door neighbor is a “Buffalo Bill” and has a pit in their basement where they perform unspeakable torture (ok, I admit it is a bit long).

Sequels we pray we don’t see:
Buffalo Bill: Project Runway
Lambs: A silent movie
The Hannibal Lector School for Exotic Chefs
Hannibal vs Preditor vs Aliens vs Ninja Turtles


Brent Diggs said...

Chachi Loves Charles

Hannibal vs Preditor vs Aliens vs Ninja Turtles

Simply awesome. Be sure to keep this list away from all directors and producers or they'll be on the big screen for sure.

Ed said...

brentd - Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. The movies are very much looking like TV...lots of choices, nothing good.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Funny you should mention sequels. I'm just getting ready to sit down to Oceans 13 in a few minutes. I'm thinking that once they get up to around Oceans 25 or so the scenes are going to get pretty crowded.

Serena said...

And you know, once your Sequels list is completed, you can then start a Prequels list. Before there was Silence of the Lambs, there must have been some Yelling of the Mama Sheep. And I'll bet that before there was a Little House on the Prairie, there must have been a Little Tent in the Field. I can't bear to think of Rambo prequels.

Ed said...

jeff - That's funny...they'll have to turn it into a mini-series just to give time to all the stars.

sj - Those are great. I know who I'll be calling if I need a blog stand in

Kurt said...

I really liked National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Camille Alexa said...

May I just say I'm digging your picture of the day?

Dee said...

I like that last one a lot (Hannibal vs Preditor et al). I think that could be fun.

Ed said...

kurt - Yeah, I thought that was good too

camille - That was a weird one, huh?

gc - That would be a crazy match up