New Titles

Rambo is out again. Yes, that’s right, Sylvester Stallone has officially milked the only two decent movies he’s ever been in once again (Rocky and First Blood in case you were wondering which movies).

I was thinking more about this tradition of making endless sequels to movies whether we want them or not (think Police Academy here). Then I got to thinking about Titles in general and the need for some editorial revisions. All that thinking boiled down to this as a starting point:

Original Title:
Throw Mama From the Train

New Title:
Throw Mama From the Train; then throw the producer, the director, the writers and the actors

Sequels we pray we don’t see:
Throw mama from the boat
Throw mama from the plane
Throw mama from the RV
Throw mama from the roller coaster
Mama becomes a Throw Rug

Original Title:
Little House on the Prairie

New Title:
Little white trespassers squatting without permission on Native American Land they will soon steal for their own.

Sequels we pray we don’t see:
Little House on the Tundra
Little House on the Serengeti
Chachi Loves Charles
Original Title:
The Silence of the Lambs

New Title:
The Silence of the Lambs and the audience while they contemplate if their next door neighbor is a “Buffalo Bill” and has a pit in their basement where they perform unspeakable torture (ok, I admit it is a bit long).

Sequels we pray we don’t see:
Buffalo Bill: Project Runway
Lambs: A silent movie
The Hannibal Lector School for Exotic Chefs
Hannibal vs Preditor vs Aliens vs Ninja Turtles