Saturday, February 23, 2008

No meds, no filters

Whew…

Here goes……

We’re going to wind down on the meds and remove ALL the VE filters for a brief moment….

PREPARE YOURSELF…..

I’m Free, I’m Free…and freedom tastes of reality. Wait a minute, I don’t eat concepts, they give me gas. Why do they continue with that “9” on the gas prices? Like they’re really fooling me that it’s a penny cheaper! That penny that went for over 600K in an auction last week? I heard he was going to use it for Lottery scratch-its. I want to win the lottery so I can get one of those really, really big checks. How do you deposit that in the ATM? I’d probably just have to get a bigger wallet to hold it anyway; either that or do a lot of folding. I’d probably lose the money in Vegas anyway so why bother. I’m glad Paris found God after her jail spell and that she's celebrating her new found spirituality among an awful lot of spirits being served while she pops out of a champagne glass and dances around in fishnets in Vegas. Why do they fish in the Bering sea? It would seem to me that Amy Whinehouse would be one of the most dangerous catches. They’re fishing in the wrong area. Yeah, I’m in the Amy Whinehouse fan club; I’m building my meth lab in her honor right now. Speaking of chemistry, do they still make those old kids chemistry sets? Perhaps you have to buy those over in the controlled area too along with your Sudafed box. I like to buy Sudafed after not showering for a couple of days and rubbing my eyes until their red. I like to give them the address of the mayor. When are they going to do a political survivor show? Can you imagine the backstabbing and special interest going on with that show? Perhaps it wouldn’t work because we wouldn’t really want ANY of them to survive. They’d at least have to stick around to eat bugs and disgusting food; that would be enjoyable. I used to enjoy going for a ride out in the country; these days with high gas prices it just feels like I could do the same thing by taking a large wad of money and throwing one out the window every few seconds. Guess I wouldn’t enjoy the scenery the same though. It would save on cleaning up those baked on bugs from the windshield and front of the car. Do they make windshield wiper cleaner specifically so that it smears the bug juice over the entire window until you cannot see at all? This is why I buy the optional 7 layer windshield with the quick eject button on the dash. Sure, it pisses the guy behind me off when that baby flies off and into his windshield. But, hey, he was driving too damn close behind me anyway. Do you really understand how dams work? I don’t. It baffles me how they create electricity from holding back a bunch of water. I tried to do that in the hot tub so I could run the blender and make rum smoothies but couldn’t grasp the science behind it. Why do scientists think we’ll buy this “there has to be black matter” thing? It’s sort of like that Superman movie when Richard Pryor tried to create kryptonite but there were ingredients that couldn’t be explained or recognized. The result was a disaster. Speaking of disasters, why is Lohan posing nude as Marilyn in that magazine? Guess she had to do something to get the paparazzi away from Paris. I went to Paris once and....

CUT….

Stop…….

Ok, meds and filters reapplied.

Note…6 minutes and 12 seconds of free form random typing

Thank you for participating in said experiment.

12 comments:

RED MOJO said...

Excellent Rant! It's scary, but that's exactly how my mind works when I'm laying there at night and can't sleep!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I read that as "Do you really understand how clams work?" and I was like whooooooaaaaa, you can make clams work? I wonder how many clams they get paid in? Do they blow their money at the Putrid Pearl Bar and get soaked in shots of clam juice? Most of all, how can I get a team of clams to work for me and then convince them to smear themselves in horseradish sauce and lay down on my dinner plat?

Serena Joy said...

So this is what happens when meds and filters are disengaged. It was an excellent experiment, but now that I see what can happen when brains are allowed to race, I think you'll agree that it would be best for me to stay on my meds and get double filters. I WOULD like to see the political survivor show. I think it would up the excitement factor if they set it in a meth lab and allowed Paris, Lindsay, and Amy to participate. Oh, dear, I'm afraid one of my filters has been penetrated. I'll be back.:D

Jeff said...

You really ought to think about decaf.

VE said...

red mojo - Yeah, sometimes I actually have a good idea at those times and of course they get forgotten before I write them down

elastic - I tried to get clams to work or even cooperate but they've got a union...

sj - Uh oh, reapply filters. You have 5 minutes to reach minimum safe distance...

jeff - I'm thinking about it right now...no wait, lost it. I wonder if Mr. Bean is a coffee drinker? Wait, got it again. Nope, gone...

Kurt said...

You misspelled sad.

Jacki said...

I am trying to figure out why Linday Lohan posed as Marilyn Monroe. She is totally NOT Marilyn.

VE said...

kurt - Is it spelled saead?

jacki - And who would WANT her to pose like Marilyn???

Kelley said...

My rants aren't punctuated. The voices don't care for punctuation. Yours seem to be very well educated.

The only pose of Marilyn's that Lindsay can pull off is the final one. Under the sheet.

VE said...

kelley - Under the sheet....good one!

Bee said...

I love this post!
Would you mind if I borrow your idea one day? I'd give you credit for it of course.

VE said...

bee - By all means...have at it!