Monday, February 11, 2008


Ok, having done a post on a completely mundane subject last time (socks) I guess it only makes sense to continue the mundanity (my word…you can’t use it) and follow that up with one on shoes.

Who would have thought I’d leach out such nonsense on socks? Well, shoes can be leached just as easily.

First of all, there is a distinct difference in attitudes toward shoes between the sexes.

Women: Fashion first, then function
Men: Function first, the end

How many shoes you have is a direct correlation to the above attitudes.

Women: 72
Men: 4

I think every woman secretly would have taken an extra room of the house and built a wall to wall shoe warehouse if they could have gotten away with it and could afford it. Sort of like that Matrix scene where they need weapons and suddenly these endless aisles of guns appears. If that movie were made by a woman, those would have been shoes!

Now men are quite the opposite. They’re lucky if they can find their shoes at all. It’s pretty aggravating to not be able to find your favorite pair; the ones you refuse to retire.

In fact, men should just have a shell that fits over the tops of our favorites to give the illusion they are fairly new. Well, then again, that would be a fashion move, and we don’t do that. Ever!

Based on these concepts, this cannot be a real photo. First of all, no man would drive around in a pump! Second, no woman would either because clearly that pump would be out of fashion the following season anyway.

In the summer I don’t even bother to wear shoes. I tend to wear sandals everywhere. The only problem with these newer high-tech non-leather sandals is that they dry my feet out. It doesn’t happen any other time of the year or with any other type of shoe. But put my feet into a pair of sandals without some skin moisturizer and it’s like my feet left in the middle of the night and laid in some desert for a week.
Some of the designs being called sandals could just as easily be called “shoes with air holes". Seriously, we've sure moved a long way from flip-flops here. Is this freedom or is it like prison bars for your feet? They see the outdoors, but they just can't quite get there...

These new trends toward shoes without a full back heel upper is great for my kids.

My kids would never bother to untie shoes anyway and consequently, they'd try to jam their foot into the shoe and in the process smash down the back heel to the point that it stayed that way. This new shoe design simply acknowledges that reality.

Oh, and in terms of fashion, those folks at Converse are pretty crafty for girls. They went to a clear plastic upper and now my daughter can wear whatever crazy sock design she has in mind and voila….she’s got a nifty pair of fashion shoes.

If a guy wore those, it would just point out the holes in their socks and it wouldn’t be exciting as you’d have a white shoe anyway. No thanks.


Unknown said...

I can relate to this post. I own shoes. I even wear shoes sometimes. Yay shoes! I only own two pair, but that means I have four shoes. Yay shoes!

Kurt said...

I can't believe with all your travel you only have 4 pairs of shoes. I have 8.

1. walking shoes
2. running shoes
3. hiking boots
4. flip flops
5. black dress shoes
6. brown dress shoes
7. old pair of running shoes for dirty work
8. slip-on boots for nipping outside quickly

NYD said...

I'm not gonna tell you just how many shoes I own. If I did, I would have to turn in my gender identification card.

the frogster said...

A quick glance at our closet confirms your suspicions. It turns out that my wife's side of the closet is a portal into the shoe dimension, which men have often heard of but never visited.

I have not tied a pair of shoes for many long years. I just slip all of them on like they are sandals. I'm not sure I even remember how.

Serena said...

Shoes! Yes!! Ooooooooo. Cute shoes make me practically orgasmic. I love shoes.:)

Ed said...

kan - Two pair; you are the pinnacle of efficiency!

kurt - Hiking boots? That's what sandals are for! Walking shoes? That's what sandals are for? Dress shoes? Nobody wants to work! All other shoes are acceptable...there...I've cut you down to the proper 4 pair.

nyd - As long as your not wearing hose with any of them, I'm ok. The guy shoe thing is a don't ask, don't tell kind of thing

frogster - Funny. The shoe portal; it's scary and alluring

sj - I know; I know, it's a gal thing...

Mother Theresa said...

I own shoes, but not too many. I like shoes that fit, and if they're cute then great, but I hate shoe shopping. My size (41, 10 in the U.S. I seem to remember) is a pain to find here, and all the shoes seem to be designed for women with small feet. So, I end up looking like an oversized elf.

Anonymous said...

VE, I just had to leave a comment over here. I think I know the guy that owns that shoe-mobile!

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