Wednesday, February 27, 2008

This Just In…

Hey, tomorrow's my 400th post! That's a lot of nonsense!

Every once in awhile I submit an entry into Diesel’s photo caption contest. It’s a brutally tough competition as there are over 100 entries now and a lot of creative people. Turns out I actually made the finals. Who would have thunk! Is it wrong to vote for yourself though?

Ok, these are the breaking stories…

Mischa Barton charged on misdemeanors. That’s right. According to my girlfriend she’s some skinny popular actress who has now been caught and charged on many counts:

- Driving under the influence
- Driving with .08 blood level content
- Possession of marijuana
- Driving without a valid license
- Having dark roots
- Juggling exotic animals
- Hiring illegal aliens to give her directions
- Smoking in the state of California
- Selling Sudafed to minors
- Running with scissors
- Perpetuating chain emails
- Not using spell check on written material
- Flushing the toilet twice in a row in California
- Singing off-key

Pamela Anderson is seeking to annul her marriage to Rick Solomon on grounds of fraud. If you recall, during their vows only two months ago, they exchanged sex tapes. VE’s inside sources have uncovered the fact that there were some significant measurement inaccuracies with Rick’s tape relating to specific parts of the male anatomy. Resolution time for the dispute should be quite short and take little effort


In what some are calling “International Treasure” in a homage to the National Treasure movies, treasure hunters are digging in Germany where they believe to have found the “Amber Room”. The Amber room, a room of amber and gold, was stolen by the Nazi troops from St. Petersburg and has been missing ever since. “If we don’t find the Amber Room down there, it would be nice to find a nice Lavender room. Even a refreshing Mint room would be nice.” one of the treasure seekers was quoted.

One of the premier European soccer players just donated part of his left leg to those in need of it. “You know, I’ve had two legs for a long time and it’s rather redundant” he was quoted as saying when VE investigators caught up with him. Rumor has it he’s going to be starting a new fashion line that incorporates a combination of shorts and pants into a single clothing item. “PORTS” as they will be called are expected to be the next stupid thing and should completely replace pants-that-hang-at-your-knees fashion.

23 comments:

RED MOJO said...

Very funny!
That soccer picture is brutal!
I especially love "smoking in California"

Carla said...

Good one. And how dare Mischa run with scissors? Among other things.

VE said...

red mojo - Yeah, so now they all come to Oregon to smoke! Sheez!

VE said...

carla - Running with scissors is bad and her mother told her not to!

Kanrei said...

Congrats on 400....well, on 399! I am expecting my power to go out at any moment. Friday it went out as I tried to read here. Monday I was busy and Tuesday it went out before I got here, but after SJ. Bah!

Mischa is a pothead! Why would she need to be drunk if she had pot?

Marie said...

It's neither wrong to vote for yourself, nor to shamelessly solicit votes via your blog. ;)

leelee said...

There apparently a whole slew of actress/clebrities out there that I have b=never seen "perform"

Something called Miley Cyrus, Mischa Barton, Kylie monoquifnsna (or something like that..

Gosh I used to be hip..

That crushing foot/ankle pic makes me go OUCH!!

Congrats on 400!!

VE said...

kan - You should pay the electric bill more often!

marie - Nah, I wouldn't shamelessly plea...besides, everyone might vote for something better and I'm sure there is one

leelee - I agree, how can anyone keep up? Yeah, the leg picture is gruesome. I had that happen to my arm once (ie...two elbows). Not fun.

Serena Joy said...

I think you ought to go vote for yourself, staple/spindle your vote, talk out loud in the voting booth, run through security with scissors, bronze your vote without wearing goggles, and then have a cigarette when you're done.:)

Nessa said...

I'll go vote for you and I say it's ok to vote for yourself, too.

Jacki said...

Misha Barton is one of the many actor/actresses on my "why are they famous??" list.

VE said...

sj - But do I have to vote in the little booth? Can I have one of Mischa's "cigarettes"?

nessa - Well thanks. But go ahead and vote for the one you think is funniest...it really isn't a popularity contest.

jacki - That must be a LONG list!

Kurt said...

Poor Mischa. I still love her.

Barry Nong said...

well I voted for myself and wasnt struck by lighning....yet

VE said...

kurt - Bless you for caring for the wayward priveleged few

barry - That's only because it doesn't rain or lightening in Australia...

HeyJoe said...

Ouch!

I cast my vote for you over at MP. My entry didn't get picked so I figured I may as well vote for you.

VE said...

heyjoe - I know the feeling; I had never gotten picked before this. Thanks for the vote!

Serena Joy said...

Oh, but of course! Under the circumstances, a "Mischa" would be the only appropriate kind of cigarette.:-)

Matt-Man said...

Congrats on Number 400 VE. I cringed at that last picture...I can't stand the sight of blue socks. Cheers!!

Jeff said...

Good job, you're running a respectable 2nd place in the contest. I haven't been in the semifinals since the first time I submitted one last year. But then I'm pretty sure Diesel's wife hates me.

Sornie said...

The alternate name for ports is shants. You know, in case you were wondering.

Kelley said...

I voted for you my lovely VE. Didn't even read the other finalists. I never even get to be the bridesmaid, more like the chick that empties the bins when everyone goes home. Guess I don't have the phunny.

VE said...

sj - Ok then

matt-man - I know, and they're so high...I prefer the ankle socks

jeff - She hates you? I thought she only hated me...

sornie - Thanks, I shant forgot it!

kelley - Thanks...of course I didn't win :(