Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Harlem Globetrotters

Hey! I won a major award! And from Matt-man's Bagwine Ruminations blog to boot! Considering that Matt gets a bazillion comments on his blog every day I'm pretty happy to have gotten the "I Got the Cow" award for comment of the week! Plus, I like to add exclamation points to all my sentences!! Seriously, Matt-man gives a weekly award to the best comment and I won this last week. Now I'm going to have to pay my writers....damn!

Ok, on to my post...

Have you ever wondered how odd the Globetrotters are? Oh, don’t get me wrong…they are skilled, entertaining and all that.

No, I’m trying to provide an analogy to what they do. The closest thing I can think of is ice capades as it relates to professional figure skating; an entertainment of a direct sport that involves skill.

Really…think about it. You have a bunch of guys that are talented enough to be pro and in many ways probably more skilled at ball handling. And yet they entertain via a mock basketball game with a mock team playing them (who nearly always lose; talk about being on a de-motivating team).

Where is the football version of this? You could have the quarterback throwing 90 yard passes with the wide receive catching it upside down with his feet! Maybe he could throw the ball really low and between several defenders legs for a nifty completion. How about the running back running on the tops of all the players and scoring?

But what would all the other players do? How do you make a linebacker entertaining other than squishing his opponent like an empty aluminum can? That’s entertaining for violence frenzied 20 somethings but probably not grade school kids. Not pretty.

What about baseball? Maybe the pitcher could pitch between his legs, behind his back, throw one of those really high arcing softball throws. They could have fun prop bats: One that explodes into confetti, one that is really skinny or perhaps really large. They could throw a tomato that is disguised as a baseball. The catcher could have a goofy large mitt while they throw giant beach balls. But what would the outfield do besides pick their nose like they end up doing most of a game anyway?

What about soccer? Surely there are some players that could dazzle us with fancy footwork and make goals upside down after a triple summersault.

No, the sad fact is that no other sport has this kind of entertainment mimickry. Not even some amusing sports mashups like ice motorcycle polo or synchronized weightlifting or something.

And obviously the world is the poorer for it…

12 comments:

Matt-Man said...

It wouldn't be highly skilled or anything, but entertaining nonetheless...

Naked Dodge Ball.

With chicks playing it would be hot, and with men playing it, it would be painfully fun watching them get smacked in the balls.

Congrats on the COW...I knew that a Tony Award Nominee such as yourself would win at some point. Cheers!!

VE said...

matt-man - Excellent addition and highly entertaining.

Uncivil said...

How about the "Harlem Hockey Puckers"?

Your mind never ceases to amaze me!

leelee said...

Congrats on your COW award VE. You deserve it.

HUGS!

Kurt said...

I wish this comment could win an award.

VE said...

uncivil - Yeah, hockey is another one but how much wacky stuff can you do with hockey? Maybe they could do triple axles while they take their slap shot...

leelee - Thanks. I think cow looks good on me. I'm glad I'm not on Atkins...

kurt - Hey, it awards you one more tally point! What more could you want?!

Kelley said...

Ahhh, so you bitch and moan that I don't give you some of my bloggy bling, so I fling some your belly aching way and Nada. No freaking mention whatsoever.

But the Matt-Man? HE mentions you and you go all silly school girl like.

Man. Methinks you like him better than me.

Congrats anyway... *sulk*

VE said...

kelley - Now wait a minute...was yours a formal competition that I could bribe with money? See Matt-mans is a standing weekly competition and based solely on what you write. I've been given a few things (usually hand jestures and such) over time but I usually tend to mention the competitions like the Mattress Police one for photo caption or when I won the Quill Driving competition for short story. I'll tell you what; I'll give you a nice plug in tomorrows post...and I rarely ever post on Sunday!

RED MOJO said...

I agree, the world would be a better place with more fake sports in it. There could be a Harlem golfer, with a boombox in his golf-bag, and little pimp hats on all his woods. He could hit a trick ball that loops before it lands, off a tiolet brush tee, probably.

VE said...

Red Mojo - The Harlem Golfer...very good!

Bunk said...

Wow. Way beyond the Valley of Bitchin' and up to the Citadel of the Awesome. Knock on the door when you get here and I'll get you a cold one (in Memory of Curly Neil and Meadowlark Lemon).

VE said...

bunk - Here, here. I'll drink to Curly and Meadowlark!