Friday, March 21, 2008

On this Day in History

Yes, it’s Friday March 21st. Here’s your historical timeline for this day…

I just find it amazing we have all these lists for everything! You can go out to Wikipedia on any day of the year (or other sites) and get all this information about what happened on this day at some point in time. Good thing we have had a bazillion people that have lived so we don't just keep putting "Nothing..." on it. I can imagine my own timeline...."17: Ate Doritos and Watched Gilligan's Island". Not exactly exciting. But since "history" is only 60% accurate, we'll have VE will take his shot at today...

On This Day in History:

28,800,007 BC – A water amoeba split into two

12,817,552 BC – Korg, Ruler of the man-apes, misplaced the link; hereto known as the missing link

8,002,552 BC - – Thrag, Cave-emperor of the Western Herd, was eaten by a Saber tooth during a routine pet adoption demo

3,000,174 BC – Chug builds a self cleaning oven and espresso machine using solar power but is outcast as a demon and the revolutionary device destroyed in the tar pit during the Raw Meat vs. Cooked Meat controversy

1,234,074 BC – Agnot, tribe philosopher, in what was a sweeping trifecta of accomplishments becomes the first human to grasp the concept of future and at the same time inventing the concept of procrastination and relationship avoidance techniques when he replies to his cave wife Unghan that he’ll go hunting “Later” while commencing to continue picking his nose whilst sitting on a cave rock.

630 BC - Byzantine emperor Heraclius restores the True Cross to Jerusalem. It replaced the one that was discovered to have “Made in China” scribed at the bottom.

1788 – A fire destroys 856 buildings in New Orleans rendering the town destroyed. The newly formed government in Washington immediately creates a division to study the impacts of wood and flame as a result. This might be the initial source of bureaucracy.

1804 – The Napoleonic Code was established in France. The code was written very small but contained outrageous mistruths as if it were quite larger…

1963 – Alcatraz closes permanently. Three prisoners hiding to later escape don’t realize this until three months later…

1980 – Jimmy Carter votes to boycott the Olympics. Sales reach an all-time low in the Olympic peninsula of Washington as stupid NW people think they mean avoiding vacationing there and not the Olympic Games in Moscow.

1990 – Namibia becomes an independent country from South Africa. They are then exploited by the Diamond and Oil monopolies and plunged into third world despair.

2004 – Somebody was born on this day that will eventually become famous and here-to-after always be referred back to this date for future “On this Day” lists…

29 comments:

RED MOJO said...

I enjoyed that very much. Especially the really early stuff. You are full of it alright! I don't know how you do it day after day...amazing!

lime said...

so it's all agnot's fault huh?

VE said...

red mojo - Yeah, nothing like the dark ages and everything earlier to cloud the truth. Since no one has survived from that era...it's free reign on writing it!

lime - Agnot is to blame! T-shirts will be available in retail locations soon...

cathouse teri said...

How did you know the names of those cavemans?

Loved the Napeleonic Code one. :)

Matt-Man said...

Funny thing about the Naploeonic Code. Being a short man, I thought Nappy would have over compensated by writing very large. Man, he was crazy. Cheers!!

VE said...

teri - I consulted my Ouiji board...

matt-man - I know; who would have thought all the tallness would come in the form of tall tales not tall text!

cathouse teri said...

You are so smarrrrrrrrrrrrrt!

VE said...

teri - Thanks for leaving that three letter word off that last comment ;)

cathouse teri said...

You are very welcome. :)

justacoolcat said...

Those crazy amoeba. I have stories, we go way back.

sprinkle4 said...

How do you come up with this stuff!? I need to share some of your caffeine I.V. I think my husband is related to Agnot. They sound like the same person:)

VE said...

justacoolcat - I could see that you might. Sadly, I've split with my amoeba long ago.

sprinkle4 - I think Agnot had a lot of male offspring that didn't fall far from the tree...

Jacki said...

Speaking of "Made in China" do you remember the time when everything was stamped with "Made in Japan?" And people were upset about that?

VE said...

jacki - Yeah, isn't that funny. That'll be the same with China some day too.

Marie said...

This is your best post ever. Reaching for the Stumble button...

Serena Joy said...

I disagree that Korg misplaced the missing link. I should know; I've dated some of them -- and much later than 12,817,552 BC. I'm not THAT old.:)

Kurt said...

You forgot celebrity birthdays.
Matthew Broderick
Rosie ODonnell
Kevin Federline
Johann Sebastian Bach

Barry Nong said...

Whever someone tells me what day their baby is due I always say Hey I remember that date from somewhere and then pause to think and say Oh yeah! thats Hitlers birthday.
It really amuses me. Try it.

VE said...

marie - Thanks. And it happened on this day in history...

sj - Hah. Good one. But I told you history is only 60% accurate at best. Sounds like we need a little revision

kurt - Isn't Kevin a reeeaaaal stretch of the celebrity envelope?

barry - Yeah, wouldn't it suck to have one of those birthdays

Jeff said...

May 30, 2006 - VE writes his first blog post. The internet was never the same since.

leelee said...

Wow..it's Truants Day in Poland...

VE said...

jeff - Hey, you're right; scary, huh? Thanks.

leelee - What the heck is Truants Day? Should I be worried?

Kelley said...

'2004 – Somebody was born on this day that will eventually become famous and here-to-after always be referred back to this date for future “On this Day” lists…'

Happy Birthday!!! I always thought you were a 7 year old boy... but man, you must be advanced.

NYD said...

I checked. Nothing of any importantce actually happend on that date except for a misplacement of a very large delivery of Norwegian sardines to the Croatian embassy in New York which in turn developed into a very ...Um I think I should stop now. It's getting a little strange

VE said...

kelley - You thought I was 7? I feel so much younger now. Ha ha ha

nyd - Dang, you were just entering the VE zone with that sardine shipment. See how scary it is?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

On Friday March 21st, 2008, I found a box of organic oat bran cereal at Kroger's marked down from 3.55 to .49 because the box was dented up.

On Saturday March 22nd, 2008, my family ate organic oat bran cereal for breakfast and proceeded to fight over who would be first to use the toilet.

WE MADE HISTORY! WooT!

VE said...

elasticwastebandlady - You should charge money for the toilet...

the frogster said...

All hail Agnot! Truly, I am the fruit of his loins.

VE said...

frogster - Agnot was a revolutionary guy! A hero for all men to aspire to.