Saturday, March 08, 2008

West Wing Story – Part Four

The story of unfortunate love between a democrat and a republican set among the Washington political arena. Tune in to part four of our musical tragedy:

Our story picks up with Hillary actually trying on a wedding dress and holding divorce papers for Bill…

She breaks into song while fantasizing:

I feel pretty
Oh, so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and gay
And I pity
Any candidate who doesn’t feel this way

I feel like stressing
Oh, so stressing
It’s repressing how stressing I feel!
McCain’s undressing
and he’s stressing that he wants me to kneel

I feel silly
With his willie
But what a thrill he is giving to me
And his drill he
Will instill me
With all his Republican constituency

The scene fades quickly because this is not a chick-flick script.

Meanwhile, everyone is preparing for battle. A grandiose multi-scene song takes place:

The Republicans are gonna have their day

The Democrats are gonna have their way

The democrats grumble “economy”
But if they start a rumble
Look out for Huckabee

We’re gonna hand ‘em a surprise

We’re gonna cut ‘em down to size

We said we’d debate fairly
No Tricks
But just in case we’ll be wary
And ready to mix

Tonight, tonight
Won’t be just any night,
Tonight there will be no official car
Tonight, tonight, I see my love tonight
The same hotel as with Iseman; that’s where we are
The minutes seem like hours
The hours go so slowly,
All my campaign work flies by
Oh please, don’t question too closely
Because what I tell you mostly
Are well-thought out lies

Everything fades and we see both political parties heading down into the battle area under the freeway.

The republicans take one look at the democrats and laugh.

“What the hell is this? You brought a peace pipe and Ambassador Jimmy Carter to battle?” laughs McCain.
“We are hoping to put an end to war via a peaceful means,” replies Obama.
Don’t trust him” yells Bush, “he has weapons of mass destruction!”

Suddenly both parties break out into full conflict readiness. McCain wearing more weapons than Neo in the Matrix and Arnold Scwartzenegger in all his movies combined. Obama has only a finger nail cutter.

“That’s not airline security legal” shouts McCain.
“We’ll rewrite the laws when we get rid of you” replies Obama.

Suddenly Huckabee runs up to Obama and swipes him with some 409 spray. Obama turns white.

“Hey, wait a minute, you’re not a minority. That’s just face paint and a fake afro!” shouts Huckabee. Obama’s career is ruined…he’s back to being just a Jewish boy from the Bronx. He’s politically dead.

Seeing the Obama incident, John Edwards shouts something about the ‘little people’ and throws secret evidence of McCain’s affair over the fence for the paparazzi to get. McCain’s political career is now over too.

At about that time, the paparazzi start showing up and everyone scrambles to get an alibi.

News travels fast and Hillary hears of the political death of McCain and runs around looking for Bush to end her run too. But before Bush can detain her to a torture cell in Guantanamo Bay, Obama takes political aim at Bush but misses and hits Hillary just below her jump suit belt. There is a suspicious stain and evidence of republic tampering end her career too. All other candidates and party members quickly scurry and the whole event is covered up. Conspiracy theorists continue to revise their theories for many years on what took place here.

Meanwhile, Nader is elected as no one else was left unscathed. The auto industry collapses under his regime.

The end


RED MOJO said...

So, Ralphie finally wins one! Wow, that was quite a musical. You did a fantastic job with this. It was such a treat. Thanks ve!

Uncivil said...

I wonder when the auto industry will name a car after Nader?

Ed said...

red mojo - Your was a fun experiment

uncivil - If not, they'll certainly be glad to drive a car over him

Schmoop said...

Holy Cow VE...You even worked inb a Iseman reference. Does this mean that the rebirth of the Corvair is put on hold?

Well Done, my good man. Cheers!!

leelee said...

That's was gold!

too funny line:

"McCain wearing more weapons than Neo in the Matrix and Arnold Scwartzenegger in all his movies combined. Obama has only a finger nail cutter."

I loved the whole thing VE...BRAVISSIMO!!!

Serena said...

Bravo! Encore!! And thank you so much for not subjecting us to a picture of Hillary in a bridal gown. The finale is perfect, the only possible outcome. Will you keep us abreast of the new administration's development of a green Corvair?:)

Ed said...

matt-man - I couldn't let you down and not have an Iseman reference now could I?

leelee - Why thank you. Back to the usual nonsense next week...

sj - Funny...I had set up a picture for that "I feel pretty" section but never did it I guess and so when I went to post, I just decided to be lazy and skip it since I wasn't able to post until Sat night. I had trouble Sat morning with blogger and gave up until the eve.

Chris Eldin said...

One of my favorite songs from that movie!
Another good one! You should write musicals...

Mother Theresa said...

You are absolutely brilliant! Tears of laughter are still rolling down my cheeks.

Ed said...

christine - You know, I mostly don't understand musicals. Why would anyone suddenly break out in song? I wrote a post awhile back about that very concept. Weird.

theresa - Glad you enjoyed it.

dawn224 said...

sweet! I think this whole thing was a great experiment!

Ed said...

dawn - Thanks.

Kurt said...

This comment is to prevent Serena Joy from catching up with me in your blogroll.

Serena said...

LOL @ Kurt.:)

Ed said...

kurt - Suck up!

serena - How did you find that he added this???

Serena said...

It's true that I'm really bad about not going back and reading old posts, but I get those "e-mailed follow-up comments," which is how I knew.:)