Friday, March 28, 2008

Where Fantasy Meets Reality

It's flippin' snowing here in Portland. It never snows here so the fact that its doing so at the END OF MARCH!!! doesn't make it any better. I'm sure it's a consipracy having to do with the fact that I already took my studded tires off for the season (I use them to get up to the mountain skiing).

Oh, and then I have a cold and took some damn Nyquill last night. Now I feel like I'm in a fog all morning...only it's snowing in my fog. Weird.

Anyway, I feel like crap so you'll get what I got today and like it. Oh, wait, that's what I tell my kids. I tell my friends the same thing, but in a way that they feel good about it. I haven't figured out the details on that yet though.

On to the post...

OMG. I just got an email that said “Where fantasy meets reality…” Wow. I didn’t even know they knew each other. Seriously, what do they have in common? Where is this place they meet? Let’s explore, shall we?

Fantasy: “Oooh, you are so hot. Why don’t you stop by my room for a soak.”

Reality: “Is this going to cost me?”

Fantasy: “I’ll show you a real good time”

Reality: “Well I have these TPS reports I’ve got to file. It’s going to take a long time but perhaps lunch tomorrow?”

Fantasy: “I want something meaty for lunch…”

Reality: “You shouldn’t stay on Atkins for too long. It was only designed as a temporary solution. Besides, Atkins slipped and fell on the ice and now he’s dead. So there.”

Fantasy: “I look fabulous in a slip…”

Reality: “Slipping is the 28th leading cause of injuries in the United States.”

You can see how this can go on and on. The sad fact is that reality is quite boring most of the time and there is nothing he can do about it. He doesn’t seize on the opportunities because he’s REALITY! Fantasy is aloof. She doesn’t have a slip; she wears old sweat clothes around the house otherwise the kids vomit on her nice stuff. The only thing soaking in her “room” are last night’s dishes. She’s FANTASY!

No, no, this won’t work at all. There are some things you just don’t WANT to have meet.

Like Rosie and Donald
Like Nader and Perot
Like Dogs and Cats
Like Richard Simmons and Elton John
Like Ice Cream and Mustard

21 comments:

iamnot said...

Another victim of global warming...any nyquil.

I'd try mustard on ice cream. Balsamic vinegar on ice cream is one of my favorite treats.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Matt-Man said...

Mmmmmmm NyQuil...Over the Counter Vicodin.

I dunno, Mustard Custard doesn't sound too hateful. Cheers!!

VE said...

iamnot - Somehow I could see you put Balsamic vinegar on ice cream. The mustard though...that's just weird

matt-man - Yeah, I'm walking around in zombie land today

Kanrei said...

As a Floridian I can't know for certain, but is "flippin' snow" different than normal snow. And perhaps it is snowing in March because you have a cold...snow needs cold, right? Again, Floridiot so I am not certain. Feel better.

Kanrei said...

“Well I have these TPS reports I’ve got to file. It’s going to take a long time but perhaps lunch tomorrow?”


Did you get the memo about the new coversheets for all TPS reports?*





*name the movie for 3 points.

VE said...

kan - Flippin' snow is my kid approved F-word to keep my blog semi-respectible. Yeah, right...

Oh, and of course its Office Space! That's why I put TPS reports in the post. I knew somebody would catch the reference. I LIVE by that movie. It is my dream to do nothing too...

lime said...

lord love a duck i am so glad i already ate my lunch, mustard and ice cream? donald and rosie? i'm going to be ill.

well two can play at this game you know!

i lived in a land where guinness met ice cream and people paid real hard earned cash to have guinness flavored ice cream heaped into cones so they could walk away happily slurping the muck. true story. so there.

leelee said...

I believe you have my stapler!

Feel better VE...see it's Friday and if you make it through today, you have all weekend to rest and get better for work on Monday.

HUGS!

VE said...

lime - I guess two can play at that game. Good one.

leelee - It's my red swingline stapler. I'm gonna set this place on fire sometime... haha

quilly said...

You may put gravy on my cottage cheese, but you may not put mustard on my ice cream! [shudder]

Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. I am sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I was on vacation.

My "significant other" found your link on my blog and followed it back here yesterday. He then scrolled through your archives and spent a good half hour laughing and snickering. I think you have a new reader.

RED MOJO said...

Yeahhhh, I'm going to go ahead and go back to work now. I hope those TPS reports are ready.
I knew that one as soon as I read it! Has anyone seen my stapler?

VE said...

quilly - Welcome. Thanks. Wow, going through my archives...scary.

red mojo - Yeah, that was an easy one I am afraid. I alwasy tend to jump to conclusions....

Kurt said...

There are a lot of things that mustard tastes surprisingly good on!

Todd said...

I like ice cream.

Serena Joy said...

Sorry about your snow. It was around 75 here today. It'll be 20 degrees cooler tomorrow, but it won't snow. Geez, I think I'd rather put Ny-Quil on ice cream than mustard. Ugh!:)

Bee said...

I have named on of my coworkers Milton in honor of office space.

Rosie and Donald have us all fooled, they're secret lovers.

Maureen said...

Sorry to hear you're not well.

They are telling us a winter storm (it's Spring!) is on it's way tomorrow.... but this is Canada, so it's not so unheard of.

Anette said...

Snow in March, yeah I know...
Here its finally raining away now.

Reality has no buisness messing with fantasy! They should and must keep seperate lives if you ask me! Maybe sometimes look at each other in a distance, and inspire eachother, but thats it.
Yes.. sigh....
(looking dreamingly out of the window not noticing the crappy weather and the noisy kids)

Uncivil said...

Sorry I've been out so long. The doctor said I should be recovering from my bout with Palmitis soon!

Sunshine said...

I have a kid who, I believe, would probably eat a mustard ice cream cone treat. Then again, I have another kid who eats boogers like they're gummy bears. We have some issues over here.

VE said...

kurt - True, but I don't think ice cream is one of them

todd - But mustard ice cream?

sj - Hey, I might try that Nyquil ice cream thing...

maureen - I grew up thinking it always snowed in Canada...

anette - Sort of like Guantanamo Bay where we have our turf and the Cubans have theirs...

uncivil - I told you that mouse holder was dangerous

sunshine - Sounds like a new product for kids...booger gummy bears. Yum. Ha ha