Tuesday, April 01, 2008

It’s 2:22am

It’s 2:22am

Why am I awake?

One of three possibilities:

1. I drank too much and am now going to pay the consequence by vomiting repeatedly until I swear never ever to drink again (until the next time)

That didn’t happen…I rarely drink.
.

.

.

.
2. I’ve turned into an old person and needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I find myself not able to get back to sleep. Will I suddenly now start watching daytime TV and falling asleep in the chair in front of the TV with drool rolling down my cheek while I snore up a storm?

That didn’t happen either…I didn’t have to pee
.
.

.
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3. Its a mystery. Who knows why some things happen? They just do.

But 2:22am? That reminds me of Room 222. Remember that show? I don’t. I just remember the number. I’ve always been leery of that number ever since because I don’t know what it’s all about. Obviously a conspiracy and clearly bad things happen behind that door.

Hey, wasn’t that the same apartment number from Courtship of Eddie’s Father? Remember that show with Bill Bixby as a widower? I barely do. I think he was getting some Mrs. Livingston on the side though. That’s why it kept going on and on and he never seemed to meet the right girl.

Of course, I’ve been out there in the dating world recently so perhaps I should revise that theory because I know first hand that internet dating can go on and on and on. I still have friends in it; thank God I’m not anymore.

How many coffee shop first dates can one possibly do? Everybody thinks coffee shops are the great first date because if the other person is a hideous bore or obnoxious or has thighs like this

than you can leave really quickly. Well they are not. They are noisy, over crowded and generally poor to have a first impression conversation. Do you really want the entire coffee shop listen in to your pathetic love life story?
Which reminds me of a fun game if you have to use public transportation… Go with somebody else and then proceed to tell outrageous tidbits of information just loud enough that everyone in the bus hears it. Just imagine how far your BS will perpetuate itself after that. What fun! Here’s some examples:

Did you hear that Bush is submitting a bill to change the Constitution so he can run for a third term?

Hey did you see they finally found the identity of DB Cooper? Turns out he’s the actual father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. Yeah, apparently they had a mix up with the DNA test.

Did you see those findings that too much chocolate consumption causes the formation of a third nipple?

32 comments:

RED MOJO said...

Ha, A third nipple! If that were true, I'd have one, or rather three...

Wow, I'll bet it's hard for that woman to find jeans that fit, or a car for that matter!

lime said...

dude, you promised not to tell people about my extra nipple!

VE said...

red mojo - That's the funny part; so would just about everybody! I wondered about the jeans thing too...she's have to pay by the yard for fabric...

lime - Doh! I totally forgot...lack of sleep you know.

Matt-Man said...

Awwwww man, was that picture of that huge lady necessary? SOB. Mmmmm Supper Happy Mrs. Livingston. Can I get eggroll with that? Cheers!!

Jeff said...

Why does your phrase ...I know first hand that internet dating can go on and on and on. just seem wrong to me? Maybe you should have left out the "hand" part.

VE said...

matt-man - You know I can't resist the shock value of a good disgusting picture

jeff - Hah. Good one. Of course most of what I say is quite disturbing, isn't it? But thank God I didn't write a journal ;)

leelee said...

OH NO!!!!!!

"I’ve turned into an old person and needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I find myself not able to get back to sleep."

sh*t...THAT SOMETIMES HAPPENS TO ME....does that mean I am an old person?? OH NO!! I'm still in my forties..ok late 40's..ok I have months to go before I am no longer in my 40's..I was fooling myself..dare I say kidding myself into believing I AM NOT OLD..sh*t..I remember Romm 222 and Mista Eddie's Fadah too..

OH SH*T

and thanks for posting Mrs Humongous Thighs..If I had any inclination for M & M's today..I don't any longer...talk about scary!!!

Marie said...

If anything ever happened to Brad, I'd just stay single. And once the kids grew up I'd convert to Catholicism so I could be a nun. What a waste of skinny thighs, eh? ;)

Jacki said...

I am so glad I am not in the dating game anymore....I would be scared.

That woman with the thighs...that has to be photoshopped. Please tell me it is.

VE said...

leelee - Scary...50? Hey, if you live to 100 you're only half way. Of course if you only live to 70 then...yikes. Nevermind...

marie - Yeah, but she'd be a good product tester for spandex. Let's just see how far that material can REALLY stretch...

jacki - I'm afraid that photo is real. I only dated her for two month (JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Chandra said...

I woke up this morning feeling like I was having a "plump" day (lets just call it that so I don't feel so bad!). Then I saw that picture and I don't feel so bad about needing to lose a few more pounds! Hey Thanks!

Kurt said...

I am trying to believe that the photo of the seated woman is Photoshopped. I need to believe that.

Jen said...

"an old person needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night .."

I pray that day never comes
**shudder**
I don't wanna get out of bed

VE said...

chandra - I'm glad my cheap efforts at shock value has helped bolster your attitute today! LOL

kurt - Sorry buddy. I can pass you her phone number though...

jen - Adult diapers, adult diapers!

damon said...

Dude, you need some sleep.

(that nipple thing was just a joke, ...right?)

VE said...

damon - I know; it can sometimes be difficult to know when I am joking and when I am just insane...

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Thanks - I now have the theme song from "Courtship..." running through my head. And what the hell did the title of that show mean, anyway?

Mr Farty said...

Jesus H, can you print a health warning next time you're going to post a picture of ol' Thunder Thighs thar? It put me right off my deep-fried Mars Bar.

VE said...

suburban - Sorry about that. I have no idea and was trying to block out that song entirely anway.

mr. farty - You know how I like my shock value...

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

Dear Jesus, are those thighs for real?

taco fetishist said...

I'm slowly turning into an old person. what a nightmare.


222
444
666

a pattern

Serena Joy said...

Sometimes I can't sleep at 2:22 A.M. and it's not because of drinking, puking, peeing, huge thighs, or old age. It just IS, and the one thing I can count on is that there is NOTHING on TV at that hour to put me back to sleep. It's a conundrum, and I think Taco Fetishist is on to something with that pattern. Why have I never noticed the weird gestalt of those numbers before?!

sprinkle4 said...

I have issues with 3:16 a.m.....and that's when I always seem to wake up and have to pee.

One of my favorite things to do is: while stopped at a red light or walking in the parking lot of a store, my husband and I like to get into pretend screaming matches, just to watch the people around us stare and then pretend like they don't notice us. We really don't have much of a social life anymore:)

VE said...

arizona - They're real...and they're spectacular! No wait, that's a line from Seinfeld about breasts. I am afraid those are real unfortunately

taco - Scary. But wait, you can't get to 666 on the clock...

sj - I hear you. That was my predicament I think. It's a mystery.

sprinkle4 - Fake shouting matches...funny.

cathouse teri said...

Just dropping by.
Trying to catch up.
You need someone to take care of you.
The end.

Kelley said...

What?! If you are up at that time come and baby sit will ya?

And that chick with the mountain thighs, I don't think that is even possible. She doesn't need the napkin, she could just tuck her thigh into her chins.

G-Man said...

VE....

Now this theme is racing through my head, just like 'It's a Small world'...

"Let me tell you bout my Best Friend".....

Serena....?
Gestalt?..Ach Du Lieber!!

Have a great day..

"Kick the Sandman in his sac, stay up late..INSOMNIAC"!!

G

the frogster said...

I can definitely see myself up at 2:22 this morning thinking about that second picture from the bottom. Thanks. Thanks a bunch.

VE said...

teri - Where ya been? I've got to update my blog roll...

kelley - Sure. Let me just catch the bus and I'll be right over...next week

G-Man - Ah, somebody else remembers that theme song. That was Nillson (or however you spell it) that sang that. Gee thanks Nillson...

frogster - You know you want her; you can wrap your arms (and 20 of your closest friends) around her...

cathouse teri said...

I was having sex, silly.

VE said...

Teri - Wow, it's been days. I'm impressed!

cathouse teri said...

I like it when it lasts for days!