Saturday, April 19, 2008

I've got Nothing

Ok, today I’ve got nothing. Wait….

You know…it is a scientific fact that there are givers and there are takers. You can prove it mathematically. If you add two odd numbers, you always get an even number. Givers. If you add two even numbers, you will still always get an even number. Takers. I like a little give and take when I take from the givers and give back to the takers. I really didn’t have a point with this whole concept; I just wanted to see if it would come out like one of those “Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear” things. I’d give myself a C- on it…

Ok, nothing. Hold on…

Did you know that if you take HILLARY CLINTON and BORACK OBAMA and rescramble the letters you will will get BACK A NATIONAL LIAR (with a few letters leftover). Did you know you can pretty much make up anything you want to say using this technique?

I think Houdini would have died if he had to escape today from that hard plastic packaging they use. I don’t think he could have pulled it off! Also, I don’t think he’d be very successful at escaping the paparazzi either. Times were a bit easier back then in some ways.

Yep, nothing. Except…

The amusement of the factoids from watching cable music channels never ceases to amaze me. For one thing, they are so lazy, they use the same factoids for the same artist over and over. How hard is it to add a few more factoids? Jeez, just go out to wikipedia and do some damn research! I did learn that Dave Loggins who sang “Please Come to Boston” – one of those cheesy sentimental love songs from the 70s – is actually the cousin of Kenny Loggins who wrote other cheesy sentimental and trendy songs throughout the years. Did they grow up on a cheese farm? But the funny factoid is that Dave Loggins wrote the theme to the 1980 Masters Golf Tournament! Wow. Now that is staggering. He should be so proud! That was my dream…

I just got an email that said “Christian Debt Consolidation”. What the hell is that about? Can I get one easy consolidated payment for my sins? Is this to help me pay for all those Bible purchases and conjugal visits?

Damn. Nothing! Oh…

Am I exempt from Homeland Security if I live on a house boat?

How come I never heard a single N.W.A. song while flying NWA?

Here’s a checklist of things I have yet to do in Blogdom:
- Run out of ideas…and then proceed to write about it for five paragraphs
- Detail everything I did in the course of the day, in an OMG factual unfunny way
- Guest post on somebody else’s blog. Ya’ll are just afraid! Well; be scared then!
- Partner on a blog post
- Be interviewed from somebody else’s blog. Again, a bunch of ‘fraidy cats.

Ok then, that’s it. I got nothing (or do I?)

28 comments:

lime said...

lemme tell ya if living on a house boat exempted me from homeland security i'd be on one tomorrow.

VE said...

lime - Yeah, it was a stretch...

Kurt said...

Please come to Boston for the springtime
I'm stayin' here with some friends and they've got lots of room
You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a café where I hope to be workin' soon
Please come to Boston
She said no, would you come home to me

Megan said...

What happens to the leftover letters? Do you put them up for adoption?

iamnot said...

83% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

I'm starting a campaign for a real leader over at my blog.

Serena Joy said...

Something from nothing. Yep. Like there was any doubt you could do it.:-)

HeyJoe said...

amazing how nothing will turn into something if you say nothing long enough.

RED MOJO said...

Well, that was...I've got nothing.

Alex L said...

Nothings great to write about.

The Offended Blogger said...

Well I have nothing to say but here I am saying it anyway, see how much we have in common?

Everyone says we could be twins, I think they might be right!!

Kelley said...

Hmmm, well I asked you and you accepted and well... nothing.

C'mon you big pussy, send me something for my blog so you can be ridiculed and made to cry like a small baby by my horde of mad stalkers.

Beth said...

Well, your "nothing" is a hell of a lot better than many of my "somethings."
Actually, I don't believe there could ever be an occasion when your brain runs out of ideas.

Matt-Man said...

That's a great idea. I'd love to interview you. I will get to work on some questions VE. Cheers!!

damon said...

You were right, you had nothing.

Then totally redeemed yourself with a punch at homeland security and a fuzzy wuzzy attempt.

Good save. Good save.

justacoolcat said...

It's like that song, I got plenty o'nothin' and nothin's plenty for me . . .

Atleast no one can take that away from you.

VE said...

kurt - That's cruel...very cruel

megan - It's sad really; they wander aimlessly searching for other vowels and consonants to group together into intelligent sentences...

iamnot - Did you make up that 83%?

sj - Yeah, probably not...

heyjoe - Doesn't every blogger turn nothing into something? Unless you're posting blank every time...

red mojo - See, it's catching...

alex l - It's something!

offended - Twins indeed! But you always find the better photos for your blog!

kelley - Ok, watch for it soon. You asked for it...

beth - Well, you're probably right, but whether they're good or funny ideas, that's the question.

matt-man - Whew; don't know that I'm ready for the matt-man; he's got a large audience.

damon - I'm laughing. I don't know you got fuzzy wuzzy and homeland security into the same sentence...that's gotta be a first!

justacoolcat - Good one. Of course the flip of that is Billy Preston...Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'...

Dorky Dad said...

I can't begin to tell you how many times I ran out of ideas then wrote a long post. But you did good!

And NWA had better get on the stick about playing NWA ... it ain't gonna be NWA for long.

Theresa said...

Were you the kid in the car where the adults invented "Let's see how long we can all go without talking" game?
That was an amazing (and entertaining) bit of talking about nothing!

ChristineEldin said...

I was going to suggest doing my writing exercise, but you were good and you already did it.
:-)

The Stinker said...

Pretty damn good blog post for being based on nothing.

Next, you should do a parody of "please come to Boston for the springtime." Here are a couple of ideas:

"Prease come to Wonton's for the spring rolls"

"Please come to Costco for our spring sale"

Huh, what do you know. I've got nothing.

VE said...

dorky dad - Thanks. Yeah, NWA will be singing a different toon soon, won't they?

theresa - Amazingly, I was an only child and pretty quiet. Something happened along the way I guess. I like that game with my kids though!

christine - Yeah, the writing exercise was fun. I liked your take on the story; those books were funny to the storyline.

jeffrey - Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Jeffrey from The Stinker! Good ones on the Please Come to Boston take-offs. I don't know that I can top 'em!

VE said...

stinker - Wait, I have one..."Please come to botox for your chin line..."

cathouse teri said...

Yep, I'd say that was a LOT for nothing! :)

'Twas brillers, though!

VE said...

teri - That's my motto, a whole lot for nothing! Or was it a whole lot of nothing...

cathouse teri said...

Speaking of nothing and more of it... I just changed the subtitle of my blog today.

Anndi said...

I think I may develop a blogcrush on you...

VE said...

Teri - Good subtitle. I guess nothing is really going around! I'll circle back to give your post more attention very soon here. I had just quoted that Billy Preston song on another blog too...weird.

anndi - Ooh, a blog crush. Does that mean you'll stalk me and leave cooked rabbit on my stove?

Queen Goob said...

Yeah, Houdini would have had a tough time of it.

And answer me this: Why does it take a degree in astrophysics to get the wrapper off of a DVD but the extremely breakable light bulb is, at best, in a sleeve?