Friday, April 18, 2008

Quickies

Here are some quick comments on the news headers. I know, you saw the post title and…well…get your mind out of the gutter…

One of my favorite pastimes is coming up with snappy little retorts to the news comments I see on Yahoo. Here’s what I mean…

Suicide bomber kills 50 at Iraq funeral
Funeral was extended to accommodate the unplanned increase in dead that participated

U.S. attacks Africa on Zimbabwe, S.Africa shifts
It takes a lot of bombs to attack all of Africa at the same time

Ex-bishop takes on ruling party in Paraguay vote
I’ve never dressed up as a school ruler but I’m always up for a party

Rock Racing added to Tour de Georgia lineup
It’s always the small pebbles that win; boulders are so slow

Pope prays with victims of clergy sex abuse scandal
The clergy “wild on” video afterwards was considered controversial

Naomi Campbell: Now I’m Boycotting British Air
I’m only breathing imported air from the planet Bimbo now

Swedish researchers find world’s oldest living tree at 10,000 years
If it had been in the USA it would only have 100 more years to reach Social Security age

New Jersey mayor finds lost cat in home's wall
The housing authorities claim that using felines is not up to code as a wall insulation material

Study finds mercury in birds near polluted rivers
The planet had been missing for several weeks; milk carton photos were just being produced

I could do this all day….no really, try a couple for yourself:

Economy sends signals of more weakness to come
Israel thwarts another infiltration attempt by Gaza gunmen
Yahoo poll shows McCain winning back unhappy Republicans
Polygamist sect hearing in Texas descends into farce
Clinton brings 3 generations to win over female voters

28 comments:

Bee said...

Clinton brings 3 generations to win over female voters

Sadly, a fight broke out once those 3 generations found out he had showed Little Willy to all 3 of them!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

VE said...

bee - I checked the actual story...you're right! Ha ha ha

G-Man said...

"Economy sends signals, of more weakness to come"

.."Of course these signals can be sent only on Tuesday, Thursday, and every other Saturday, because of power rationing"

That was fun, have a great week-end VE....G

VE said...

g-man - Good one. See how addicting they are. Have a good weekend!

Kurt said...

Imported air from the planet Bimbo, indeed!

VE said...

kurt - It's expensive; but they're just dumb enough to buy it!

Megan said...

Yahoo poll shows McCain winning back unhappy Republicans

Houyhnhm poll shows Street Sense leading by a nose, Barbaro "sympathy" strategy failing.

RED MOJO said...

Israel thwarts another infiltration attempt by Gaza gunmen

During the insuing celebration, the drunken thwarters all accidentally shot each other.

VE said...

megan - Welcome. Good one. I hate getting led by the nose by the way...

red mojo - Hah! How typical is that. That's probably what did happen.

justacoolcat said...

I love this game! I play it all the time.
--
"32 officers to be added to Minneapolis police force tonight"

32 new Tazer lawsuits filed tomorrow.
--
"Al-Qaida No. 2 al-Zawahri says US options in Iraq all bad"
Recommends the salad.
---
"St. Cloud bus to run on french fry runoff"... get new elastic for it's sweatpants.

VE said...

justacoolcat - That's weird, I was putting in my random 10 on your blog while you were doing this! Looks like you are a natural at this too! Good ones...

Kanrei said...

Yours are great so this is going to be tough.


Economy sends signals of more weakness to come- ironically, the signal came in strong and clear.


Israel thwarts another infiltration attempt by Gaza gunmen- in keeping with the "comic book lexicon," they further commented that they were proud to have stopped the "ka-boom" and were eager to "pow" the captured gunmen.


Yahoo poll shows McCain winning back unhappy Republicans- the BOO poll shows happy Republicans still undecided. I know that was weak, but come on, a Yahoo poll and unhappy republicans?

ADW said...

Clinton brings 3 generations to win over female voters...

Oops... what they meant to say was:

Clinton brings 3 generations to orgasm at the same time to win over female voters

leelee said...

lol

lime said...

ya know it must take even MORE bombs to actually shift the geographical position of south africa.

Polygamist sect hearing in Texas descends into farce

the three stooges hired as lawyers for the children due to shortage of qualified members of the bar.

VE said...

kan - I like your take on the signal. It is ironic. And how can I resist Ka-boom! Ha ha ha

adw - Holy crap; I was taking a swig of my Pepsi while reading yours...I'm still choking...

leelee - Well, with no Bruce to go see you'll just have to hit the blog rounds!

lime - Good ones. I've been waiting for the Texas headliner to be addressed. The stooges seem like the perfect choice!

cathouse teri said...

I'm too stupid to come up with a response here.

Signed,
Too Stupid Girl Friday

Serena Joy said...

Yahoo poll shows McCain winning back unhappy Republicans

Investigative reporter subsequently uncovers the fact that only total Yahoos were polled.

VE said...

teri - That's ok, nobody said you had to contribute. Sometimes the brain just doesn't cooperate!

sj - Hah! Excellent one. Those Yahoos...

Naughty Lakota said...

heh! these are hysterical. Kudos to you VE and your commentors.

Pssst.... Cat... it's not too stupid to comment, it's called breaking the rules. Rule Breakers! Yeah that's it. Geez girl, stick with me, i'll give you all the sterling excuses you need. ~wink~

HeyJoe said...

By the time you told me to get my mind out of the gutter, I'd already came.

I'm so ashamed.

Jeff said...

Polygamist sect hearing in Texas descends into farce - miracle ear the only real solution.

kelley said...

yeah I got nothin'. Spending all day putting together a bed with instructions written in Swahili will do that for ya.

I am sure my answers would have been way funnier than yours. They usually are ;)

Beth said...

God, you're good.
Here's my (lame) attempt:

Clinton brings 3 generations to win over female voters - and a good time was had by all!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Yahoo poll shows McCain winning back unhappy Republicans

It was revealed later that McCain was playing dirty Poker and the House took away his unhappy Republican winnings.

Theresa said...

Yahoo poll shows McCain winning back unhappy Republicans

Google poll shows that all the happy Republicans, not wanting to hang out with the unhappy ones, have now become Democrats.

or how about this one:
Pope celebrates Mass at St. Patrick's

Green beer for all who attend.

VE said...

lakota - Yes, a lot of talented commenters!

heyjoe - Hah! Here's a kleenex...

jeff - Miracle ear cures everything!

kelley - I'm sure your non-existant funny comments are better than my real funny ones every time

beth - Very good. See how easy it is...

elastic - Typical, so typical!

VE said...

theresa - Good one on the Pope. Somehow green beer doesn't bring up the 'blood of Christ' in the same way...