Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Unisex Observations

You know, that whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus thing is starting to make a lot of sense.

Have you seen Mars? It’s a desolate wasteland. How much more guy-like can you get? Plus the rumor is there’s ice there. That’ll help keep the beer cold…


And Venus; how appropriate is that? I mean, the planet is a complete mystery. It’s shrouded in clouds so that nobody has a real clue as to what is going on down there. They could be firing weapons and you wouldn’t know it until it’s too late. It all makes perfect sense now.

I was thinking about names. Have you noticed how more and more names are unisex these days? Lesley used to be a girls name. But what about that guy in all the spoof movies: Leslie Nielson? Madison used to be reserved for males…well, until Daryl Hannah used it in Wall Street that is. And what’s up with her name anyway? Daryl used to be a guys name too. She also has a first name as a last name. I don’t trust people that have last names as first names.

“Hi, I’m Tom Bob”.
“Well Bob, let’s get started…”
“No, its Tom, Bob is my last name”
“Is that like Billy Bob? Should I call you Tommy Bob?”
“No, Mr. Bob or just Tom is fine”
“Is Mr. Bob like Mr. Bill? Oooh nooo, Mr. Bob, don’t do that….”
“Just call me Phil…”


Where was I? Oh yeah, unisex names. What’s up with the word unisex anyway? That’s part of the whole problem. Uni implies one! Sex with one is just masturbation. It’s all so confusing. Sorry about the tangent.

You know, I don’t see a lot of guys named Bambi yet though. I don’t think we’ve hit rock bottom with this whole unisex naming thing.

So try as they might with male pregnancies, female war heroes, murses, female body builders on steroids; not everything is gonna equal out:

- Boys are not going to gather together with their Polly Pockets and play
- Women are not going to play Halo on the X-Box for 7 hours straight
- Guys are not going to gather with tissues and watch the movie Beaches
- Women with lots of chest hair aren’t that attractive

34 comments:

Queen Goob said...

CRAP...so if I'm in line for the PS2, I should probably go back to the nickname "Mo", huh? Hey, at least my beer will be cold!

VE said...

queen goob - "Mo" it is then! And the beer will be cold!

cathouse teri said...

Actually, my son used to love to play with Polly Pocket. (Wait, that didn't sound right.)

And I used to play Nintendo for hours. God damn Zelda game!

Isn't Teri also a boys name?
Actually, my name is Teresa, but people kept confusing me with Mother Teresa, so I changed it. And I like my spelling of Teri, because it's a four-letter-word.

cathouse teri said...

I like your take on the man and woman planets. Here's how I see it. (You may have already read this, if you read my "Pussy is the Commodity" post.)

http://cathouseteri.blogspot.com/2004/09/east-of-sun-west-of-moon.html

Kurt said...

I like ladies just the way they are.

VE said...

teri - Yes, you have a Unisex name; although I don't think a lot of guys have the i at the end. I read your sun/moon theory. I think you nailed it cause I can pump out the heat! I've got my ears shut on the whole Polly Pocket thing...na na na na

VE said...

kurt - No shaving, no makeup?

Jeff said...

I have 2 first names - Jeff Lee. Three if you count my middle name. It becomes a real problem when my name is on a list sorted by last name.

VE said...

jeff - Normally I don't trust those with two first names...but you get a free pass because you last name is the same as Bruce Lee...

leelee said...

well I am lee lee both guys names and both first and last names. Now I'm confused..just call me Lisa

VE said...

leelee - You have an uphill road!

Kanrei said...

My father was obsessed with Phillip Michael Thomas because "he had three first names."

I wonder what my name is. I know it used to be a dork name, but Brad Pitt screwed that all up. Did wonders for the self esteems of Brads everywhere too.

Eb the Celeb said...

Hilarious... first time here but will def. be back...

I love unisex names... something about it seems to give a person character...

VE said...

kan - Yeah, Brad was pretty nerdy before. Don't forget people using three names are all serial killers or asassins.

eb - Welcome. I can get used unisex names...just don't call me Bambi though. I quickly checked out your blog...how on Earth did you find mine? I can't see any blogs we share in common through blog links. Is it Terrance?

cathouse teri said...

Yeah, Jeff's middle name is Furry.

justacoolcat said...

So if she shaved would it be called Gam-shaping?

Serena Joy said...

I believe that the Mars-Venus thing is purer science than any drivel they're teaching at MIT. Just ask any of the men I've ever known! Some unisex items are okay -- EXCEPT bathrooms -- but I'd shoot myself in the head with a poisoned spear before I'll ever call myself Homer or Buford or Harry.:)

VE said...

teri - Furry? No wonder he lives in Minnesota...

justacoolcat - Gam-shaping! Hah. I like it...

serena - Even I woudn't want to be called Homer. I've been called homey before...

Beth said...

Vive la difference!

The Offended Blogger said...

I know two guys with girl names, one named Tracey and one named Stacey.

Both are drunks.

Hmmm...

RED MOJO said...

"shrouded in mystery" you kill me! I have a unisex name too. Trust me.

Jeff said...

teri - Geez... some people can't keep anything a secret.

Bee said...

First, I just want to say that my man loves my chest hair. We take turns braiding it. Second, you are wrong in the assumption that there are no women on Mars:
This is a picture of a woman crying on Mars.

Just sayin'.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Okay, you know you're secret admission that you look all things crayon? Well, I'm a total name nerd. I even belong to a forum called Baby's Named A Bad, Bad Thing!

See mommies name their little girls masculine names in the hopes that it will make them sound more powerful and able to run a board meeting and sever balls in a single bound!

At this rate no boy name is safe. We've documented and verified with webnursery links baby girls named Joshua, James, Ryan, Logan, Peyton, Elijah, Hayden, Elliott, Gavin........People, please go back to your Mabel's and Eunice's and leave the boy names for the boys!!!

Thank you.

kelley said...

my kids have unisex names
My daughter is the Guitar Hero master and when she is not there she is on her DS
My son owns polly pockets.

Questions? Yeah, I thought not. Pussy.

VE said...

beth - True, true

offended - That's just wrong...

red mojo - Uh oh. Unless it is Barbie, most people do now

jeff - Doh, busted. She thought you wouldn't come back!

bee - Braiding chest hair is a good bonding thing...I learned that from the monkeys. Oh, and that woman on Mars...she bought the wrong damn ticket...blonde...

elastic - So you are saying that you're naming names then. Yes, I agree, stop trying so hard people... And what's up with the HUGE smiley face. You almost made me jump. I can't take so much optimism at one time.

kelley - I should have known! But I'll leave you with your oddities. Ha ha

Alex L said...

Personal record of 12 hours on halo, that was a good day.

I'm really surprised 'polly pocket' hasnt become a double entendre yet... its really quite suitable.

captain corky said...

I don't think I could handle that much hair on a broad's chest. I would be too worried that I would wind up calling her Cousin It.

VE said...

alex l - 12 hours? I can only think that you had astronaut diapers...

captain corky - But you can braid, style it, make a fro, mohawk, etc.

Marie said...

Double entendre of the year award goes to VE for "noone knows what's going on down there." LMAO!

VE said...

marie - Why thank you...but it doesn't help solve the mystery!

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

Daryl Hannah was Madison in the movie Splash; not Wall Street. Not that anyone cares. Is Arizona unisex? I have no idea since I've never met anyone else named Arizona. My mom named me it because she was stoned and channeling the earth mother when I was born.....

VE said...

arizona - That's so funny. I realized that I had the wrong movie as I was posting it but thought it more fun by that point to see if anyone would notice. Good catch!

Mohammad said...

And I used to play Nintendo for hours. God damn Zelda game!