Thursday, April 17, 2008

VE's Multi-Use Segway

You know, the Segways are pretty cool and you can really get around on them. They were ahead of their time. Need proof? Here you go….

See; the Beatles were ahead of their time too. But the Segway...so yeah, you can commute and get around on them. Sure, you can play nifty sports with them…

But don’t count on Segway polo to be in the China Olympics. And don’t think you can start a Segway gang to terrorize the neighborhood.

The gangs have all been formed and the turf divided up. It’s over for that.

No, for what you’re left with and for the amount of money you have to shell out, the Segways just aren’t practical enough. They need to be more like the Swiss Army knife. You need to know that by purchasing one you’ll have many things you can do with it.

Remember when weed eaters were just that? Then they expanded with many attachments like saws and leaf blowers. Suddenly more people wanted them because they could do more.

Well, thanks to a little add-on tinkering, you can now purchase the all-in-one after market VE Segway.

That’s right, you’ll be able to mow your lawn with our add on mower option

In the winter you’ll be able to clear away all that snow with our snow only blower (sob) attachment.

And who wouldn’t have fun flattening out lawns, pop cans, obnoxious neighborhood cats with our patented roller option

Act now and we’ll throw in a handy slicer/dicer with it too. Operators are standing by (we cannot afford chairs…)

35 comments:

Kurt said...

Get those Segways off the bike path, dammit.

Kanrei said...

It is not on the bike path, it is on the Seg way =P

Sunshine said...

Beatles Segway....awesome.

GC said...

these might become more popular what with gas going entirely out of style

cathouse teri said...

I like the Segway Roller. I could roll over me some asshole motherfuckers with that!

iamnot said...

Wow. I thought segways were just for fat security guards to get around the mall without panting.

leelee said...

I'll take 2 WITH all the attachments....kewl

Sornie said...

I want the rolle rone because I've had some issues with some people which would best be dealt with by flattening.

lime said...

you're a genius!

damon said...

Maybe for the lazier than lazy, you could add a sidecar.

Nice snowblower though!

VE said...

kurt - It's more fun to kick them while you pass them up

kan - Good one! ha ha

sunshine - It's the definitive Segway photo, isn't it?

gc - Pretty soon gas will be more expensive than a Segway

teri - Ha ha, you've been watching A Fish Called Wanda, haven't you? I remember the part where K-k-k-Ken runs over Kevin Kline. Yes, I fear the roller will be the most popular attachment...

iamnot - Just wait until teens can afford them and take 'em to the skate park...

leelee - I didn't think you lived in a cold climate. What are you going to do with that snow-blower?

sornie - Hah. I knew this would be the most popular attachment. Lot of 'get even' plots being cooked up out there...

lime - Someday I should be serious enough to make some money off my ideas or creativity. But then that would be work...

damon - Nice idea! I like that.

leelee said...

lol...oops..I didn't think..it happens

:-/

VE said...

leelee - Maybe you blow water on overheated tourists. That would be fun!

Theresa said...

Shouldn't you call it the VEway? Those things are seriously fun, and if I had some spare cash on hand I would definitely get one. Could you put a cattle prod on mine for when I go to the supermarket?

Quickroute said...

I already have a lawn mower to get me around - How much for just the slicer dicer?

cathouse teri said...

Rollin' rollin' rollin'
Keep that Segway rollin'
Roadkill!

EmmaK said...

Segways will never be cool. And they should never have been introduced to America. All these fat pigs who should be walking on these ridiculous contraptions getting fatter and fatter. It's a crime.

Can you tell I'm the leader of the Anti Segways Alliance? Sign my petition now.

Marie said...

There are actually three Segway shops here, although I've never seen anyone riding one. One of the shops offers Segway tours, which I'd love to do.

cathouse teri said...

Okay, one more thing, and that's it!

My favorite thing about Segways is that Gob, of "Arrested Development" fame, rode one quite pompously. Can you ride those pompously?

VE said...

theresa - We'll research cattle prods for our next round. We'll look at adding a cart for your groceries and a prod on the side to help you navigate the store with efficiency...

quickroute - Welcome. You're not that guy they arrested drinking and driving his lawnmower on the highway are you? The slicker/dicer is really cheap; so cheap I cannot say online because they're be mass histeria...

teri - Nice parody!

emmak - I agree, everyone really does look dorky on them. But they look like fun too. I also agree that there are too many fat people that shouldn't be using them. I'd take mine offroad just for the thrill of it

marie - A segway tour? Can't you just read the manual to operate it? Oh, you mean going places on them. Yeah, after walking around Rome for several days once I could have used one; I'd gotten plenty of exercise by then!

teri - To even ride a Segway is to ride pompously. You can't help it!

Serena Joy said...

I suppose the Segway is fuel efficient, but where, I ask you, is the panache? I mean,valet boys just aren't going to fall all over themselves panting to park one of those things. Plus, they're awfully small. I'd be afraid rush-hour traffic would turn me into Creamed Serena on Toast pretty quick.:-)

VE said...

sj - Not with the roller attachment. You can just have fun mowing down pedestrians on the sidewalk; safe from cars...

RED MOJO said...

I love the roller attachment! LOL
They really do make one all outfitted for golf! It's kind of cool. I like to walk, but it is cool.

Anndi said...

I'm hoping for the segway Extreme games...

VE said...

red mojo - That doesn't surprise me about the golf one. You might as well use the cart by that point

anndi - Now that would be expensive every time you wiped out! I can't imagine them being that durable.

Bee said...

Can I surf on a Segway?

My hubs and I went to the Lincoln Park Zoo and there was a policewoman on a Segway instead of walking around.
Too bad because she needed the exercise.

Carla said...

When can I get me one of those? I especially like the snowblower...cruising by the unsuspecting standing on the street corner. Way too much fun.

Alex L said...

We dont get them down in Oz, I think if people are going to use motorised transports on the footpaths they still just stick with cars.

ChristineEldin said...

HAHAHAHAAH! Love the segues in sports photo! How did you do that? It's awesome!!!
:-)

Matt-Man said...

I'd like to see a Segueway Demolition Derby. You're a mess. Cheers VE!!

VE said...

bee - Hah. Don't even get me started on a water and ice line of products.

carla - Sounds mischivious. I like that...

alex l - Too bad, they're good to make fun of

christine - If somebody is going to do anything; we have to make a sport out of it, right?

matt-man - Ooh, Segway demolition. THAT could get expensive!

justacoolcat said...

I want a yellow Slim Jim tshirt.

VE said...

justacoolcat - I saw that too. Hah!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Zamboni Segway!
Segway Sidecar brings double the fun!
Segway Steamer Carpet Cleaner!
Segway Ironing Press!

VE said...

elastic - You can be my VP of products!