Monday, May 05, 2008

Adopt-a-Carpet

Unbelievable. The place where I work has stooped to a new low in cost cutting services. Of course, it doesn’t directly affect me since I don’t actually go to work as I’m on global holidays this year.

According to a good friend they pulled a little maneuver that would fit right into the story line from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Specifically that there was a memo that was issued and placed in some storage facility that no one has access to ever. If my friend hadn’t been helping the technician replace a server he would have never seen it.

Apparently starting March 31, there is no longer cubicle trash can service. That’s right, every employee gets to empty his or her own trash. The guise of this is that by doing so, each employee can do their part by recycling most of their garbage.

Right. Nice of them to make this little change so widespread with communication. The interesting thing about this is there aren’t any additional recycling bins in the area where they want the employees to empty their cans.

And when do you think the employees would figure out the change? Probably when their trash cans started overflowing onto the floor I suppose. Talk about a great roll out plan! What a bunch to tightwads. They’ll probably be having every employee use some rundown vacuum and be responsible for cleaning the carpet in their area too.

Next will be the bathrooms. I don’t know about you, but my job skills and goals weren’t to clean my fellow employees crap from the toilet.

Maybe they could institute an “Adopt-a-carpet-strip” program like the adopt-a-highway program they have on the roads. That way each employee could be responsible for their patch of carpet or their urinal/toilet. They could have little signs with each persons name on it to identify which section they are responsible for cleaning.

I can see it now…lazy employees secretly tossing their trash from their section into yours while you’re not there. Where does all the penny pinching end?

28 comments:

Marie said...

I wonder how much they spent on that sign?

VE said...

Oh, the employee probably had to make it in some employee work shop...

cathouse teri said...

You are so solution-oriented!

That would totally not work for me. If I were in that office, I'd get that changed.

Signed,
Memo Maker

VE said...

Teri - Memo Maker...another good one! Ha ha

Jeff said...

I think you're on to something. Will the adopt-a-carpet include procedures for dealing with roadkill?

Jacki said...

Well....the doctors office that my sister worked in (up until a week ago) hired an illegal immigrant to clean the entire office. The waiting rooms, exam rooms, bathrooms. Everything. So she'd bring her kids. After about a month the bathroom sinks had brown stuff growing in them. The toilets had black stuff. The trash cans were overflowing.

Gross.

The head doctor (and just so happens to be the owner of the place), however, had his own suite of offices that were cleaned by a professional cleaning service.

She is so glad to be out of there.

Bee said...

You mean cleaning the toilet is not part of the job description??

That's it! I'm joing you on the global holidays scam uh... I mean celebration!

VE said...

jeff - Yes, office road kill will be forwarded via internal routing folders to managment

jacki - Boy, if you can't even get good illegal immigrant help anymore, what is the world coming to?

bee - Global holidays are the way to freedom. It's like sponsorship but without the implied promoting work

Quickroute said...

Hilarious! - They cut coffe machines and water from our office a few years ago and there was nearly a riot! - I beleive toilets cleaning duty will be allocated to the poorest performer going forward!

RED MOJO said...

If I wasn't self-employed, I'd hate that! I have to do fricking EVERYTHING at my job! But if I worked for "the man" and he told me to clean the toilet, I would spend hours doing it, it would end up costing them ten times as much as letting a cleaning crew do it!

leelee said...

"If I wasn't self-employed, I'd hate that! I have to do fricking EVERYTHING at my job!"

amen sista!

VE said...

quickroute - You should be in management! Having the lowest reviewee clean toilets...ha ha ha

red mojo - But on the flip side, you don't have to endure goal setting and employee meetings with management and TPR reports and...

leelee - What I told red mojo!

Sornie said...

At least your place of employment has employees. Mine is starting to become a ghost town with the axe dropping on someone on an almost weekly basis and we already have the adopt a carpet program, mine hasn't been vacuumed since I began here five years ago. My way of stickin it to the man.

VE said...

sornie - Five years eh? I think prison cells are cleaned more often!

Kurt said...

That is LAME (if true).

I would offer to take out everyone's trash for $5 a week each.

VE said...

kurt - Not bad. I did the math (and I HATE math) for this. There are 160 people in that building so that's $800 a week. That should take you about an hour to walk through once a week and empty their cans. Another hour to take to the dump. So, you'd be getting about $400/hr and 90% of your day is free to enjoy. I like it!

Serena Joy said...

I think I'd be turning my cubicle into a bunker, because I see Trash Wars brewing on the horizon. On the plus side, once the war begins nobody will care about dirty carpet or scuzzy toilets.:)

HeyJoe said...

Portland, huh? So is it Intel or Nike?

justacoolcat said...

I like it when the carpet matches the drapes.

Assuming it's not cost prohibitive.

ChrisEldin said...

I wouldn't mind going through other people's trash.

*ducks behind neighbor's house as car pulls into the driveway*

Hi Ve, Thanks for stopping by the contest. I'm hoping you won't be too shy to enter. With that bag over your head, I can't tell...THere are four more book give-aways this week.
:-)

lime said...

i'm thinking you should put the recycle piles in front of the boss's door so he can't get out of his office.

VE said...

sj - Trash Wars...could be the next Lucas mutliseries project. A short time ago in a cubicle close close by...

heyjoe - Ha, nice try. Those Bohemuths would be grinding me into the ground with work...

justacoolcat - Now...your underwear doesn't match your socks too I hope ;)

chrisedlin - I'll take another look. Don't mistake me for a writer though...I have no talent there.

lime - I like your style. That's a sweet idea and I'm going to call my friends and recommend that approach. Nice one!

Matt-Man said...

Talk about ballsy administrators...They bucked the trend and didn't outsource those duties to the Chinese. Cheers!!

Kelley said...

Shit! I baggs the cubicle 2nd from the end. You know the one with the 'temporarily closed for maintenance' sign on it for the last 2 years? Yeah, I will clean that one.

yellojkt said...

So rather than one janitor the can pay eight hours pay, they will waste ten minutes a day for 160 people. That makes a lot of sense.

VE said...

matt-man - Yeah...innovation applied the wrong way!

kelley - Could be worse, they could put you down in the mail room with your friend!

yellojkt - Welcome. That's a good point; it's the old penny wise, dollar foolish princple

colbymarshall said...

don't limit to employees...put out a call to local girl scout troups and civic clubs to adopt a carpet near you!

VE said...

colbymarshall - Good idea; the girl scouts could sell cookies in the process...