Friday, May 02, 2008

The Bad Guys Outlet Store

Some of you already know that I attend the Bad Guys Annual Convention (BGAC) every fall. I’m not a bad guy at all; I just lie to get in. It's fun entertainment hanging out with them. Well, one of the perks to attending is that you get a pass to visit the Bad Guys Outlet store.

Yeah, it’s sort of like those factory stores all over the country. This one doesn’t sell your run of the mill bad guy stuff; it has some great stuff. Sure, you can get Krypton rocks of various sizes. You’d expect that.

I like some of their new products…

The DNA confetti is pretty ingenious. It’s a small squirt bottle that literally contains thousand upon thousands of random blood, skin, and DNA samples. That way, you can do your crime and then spray this everywhere. They’ll never catch you because they’ll have TOO MUCH evidence to go through to be able to. How crazy is that?

The fake tire tread wrapper is a fun one. Just wrap one of these around your tires and presto…nobody can track your tire tread at the scene of the crime. They come in a pack of four; twelve sets to a box.

The utility belts are handy to hold all those dry ice slushy boxes that you can use to put any lock into in order to instantly freeze it. One small hit from a hammer and the entire lock just shatters. Each dry ice box is good for up to 20 break ins and they come in many sizes.

Don’t forget to purchase and wear FAT ARMS. They’re patented to go right over your own arms, wrists, and hands and look and feel just like your own skin. By doing so, not only do you have generic fingerprints but also if you do happen to get caught, you can easily get out of the handcuffs with a simple push of a deflation button that allows you to downsize them to your real wrist size and squeeze out of the cuffs.

For the beginner bad guy there were these clear flexible soft rope hooks that you could shoot out like a spear gun and attach to the car in front of you on the freeway and then turn off your car while that car tows you around for awhile. It really saves on gas costs.

There were other nifty devises. Some designed to help thwart super heroes; some to just get away with common crimes.

The library of books was well stocked. I spent a fair amount of time in the World Domination section. Lots of seemingly good plans but I’m just not that ambitious.

All in all, it was a fun visit.

27 comments:

ChrisEldin said...

I thought you were joking until I clicked on your other link and saw the ticket.

How fun!! I bet you could think of your own line of stuff.
:-)

Marie said...

In my hometown there's a store called GayMart. You can buy Billy Dolls and chain-mail t-shirts there. It rawks!

colbymarshall said...

There should definitely be a "World Domination for Slackers" section.

VE said...

chriseldin - Of course...the ticket is fake too. But it would be fun...until they robbed me that is

marie - Chain mail T-Shirts? That would be good for my executive meetings that I used to attend when I atually went in to work. Almost makes me want to get one and go to work for a day...almost.

colbymarshall - Welcome. I'm right behind you...well, I would be if I weren't such a slacker...

Sornie said...

ALong with the fake arms and other assorted criminally-related goods, do they sell stunt penises?

VE said...

sornie - Sure...I hear there's a lucritive market in Africa...

Maureen said...

Did you meet up with Stewie in the World Domination area?

And the Fat Arms, I believe, were first used by the Pink Panther back in the 70's... classics never die.

VE said...

maureen - Interesting. I'll have to revisit the Pink Panther movies. I must have subconciously seen those...or it was a coincidence.

Kanrei said...

I attend the Bad Guys Annual Convention (BGAC) every fall. I’m not a bad guy at all; I just lie to get in

You lied to get in...that would make you a bad guy in many people's book. In fact, that is why they let you get in in the first place. They don't buy the lie so much as appreciate the effort.

And making fake tickets to fool poor chriseldin....EVIL!

leelee said...

HUGS for chriseldin!! aw..

do the bad guys wear ski masks or stockings or masks on the their heads at the convention...I can deal with the ski masks , but not stockings or clown masks...those scare me..

HUGS!

VE said...

kan - I'm training for a customer service management position at Sony! ;)

leelee - It's considered Nerdy (bad guy nerdy) to wear a ski mask. Only newbies come with them. Clown faces/masks are forbidden...even the bad guys are creeped out by clowns...

Bonnie said...

I was first going to ask you how you have time to come up with this stuff? Then I though to myself. What does this guy do for a living? Realize all this happened while I was laughing about it. So I really don't care about the other two questions. I am just glad you give me something to laugh about every day. Excuse me, I mean 6 days a week.

Serena Joy said...

Oh! At first glance, I thought it was a place to go and pick out a Bad Boy. I can see that this store has lots of possibilities, too, though. You just never know when some of this stuff might come in handy.:-)

VE said...

bonnie - In the time it takes somebody to watch one TV show I can write about two blog posts. I don't watch TV so you can imagine what that equates to as far as creative productivity. It helps that I seem to be blessed with an off-the-chart creativity level I guess.

sj - Oh, now that is funny. You had a different kind of purchase in mind when you saw the "Bad Guy" sign. Now why is it that women are attracted to bad boys like moths are to a fire?

Beth said...

The products/ideas are amazing. Did you spend some time in the joint in order to learn about this stuff? (Note - I said in the joint, not with a joint.)

Bonnie said...

You don't need blogger super powers because you have skills! Creative skills! Thet are rare and elusive.

VE said...

beth - The latter might have been more fitting. No, just give me an amusing subject and these are the kinds of things I come up with on the fly. I think I was listening to some foresensic news blurb on the radio and that got me thinking about the DNA spray thing and the rest just built itself as I wrote.

VE said...

bonnie - Thanks. I always thought that everyone had the same skills and why was I such a slacker in other areas (like math or snowboarding)

Megan said...

If only you had taken some pictures...

Maureen said...

Just so you don't go watching all the movies and never find it, it was on the Pink Panther cartoon...

;)

Mrs. R said...

You should be a writer for CSI. That blog entry was more creative than half of the CSI Miami's I've seen this season...

Kurt said...

You know what I always say: if there's no body, there's no murder.

VE said...

megan - Well, you know how camera shy bad guys are...

maureen - Aha...thanks for the warning...

mrs r - I've often wondered to what extent my creativity wains. Writing this blog with new ideas 6 days a week is sort of a test of that. I've been able to hold pretty steady without feeling like I'm running out of stuff so far. If I had to make money writing; that might change the dynamic...I'm not sure.

kurt - Sort of like Jimmy Hoffa huh? Obviously he's on a beach in Brazil...

RED MOJO said...

I thought it was going to be a store that sells outlets to convicts!

VE said...

red mojo - Well they do buy a lot of outlets, don't they?

Kelley said...

So what can you get in the Bad Girls store? *snigger*

quilldancer said...

Oh my. Speechless.