Friday, May 30, 2008

Fear not…

You gotta hand it to us humans. We are a mess. Disagree? Then why is it that we have 300 different named and documented phobias? That’s right…and you can’t believe some of them:

Plutophobia – Fear of wealth.

Honestly, I need to find these people. I can easily take their money off their hands and fix their problem quickly. In fact, we can set up an automatic money deposit system to where they start accumulating too much money it automatically sends it to me! Damn I love helping out my fellow man!

Dendrophobia – Fear of trees

Ok, I’ll admit that talking apple trees from Wizard of Oz were scary when I was like 6. But, really, all trees? What about those little miniature Banzai trees? What exactly is a tree going to do to you anyway? Fall over on you? Drop a pinecone or fruit on your head? My advice for these people: Move to the desert! The Sahara has no trees and the land in pretty inexpensive. You’ll enjoy lots of sunshine too.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – Fear of long words.

Now this is hilarious. Find the longest phobia word known and assign it to those that fear long words. Crap, if they can finally say the damn phobia; they’re cured!

Mythophobia – Fear of false statements

Hey, I could understand this one if you filed falsely to the IRS! I would take it these people don’t go to the fiction section much at the local library. They’re obviously not political either.

Proctophobia – Fear of rectal diseases

No shit! Sorry about the pun there. This is so dumb. Who wouldn’t be afraid of a rectal disease? Of course its not as if I’m going around saying “Don’t touch that…you’ll get a rectal disease…” either.

Medomalacuphobia – Fear of losing an erection

I don’t know…I just gotta ask…where would you lose it? Ok, enough of that. I suppose this would be hard to cure. Ha ha. Could take a long time. Ack, I just can’t help it; it’s too funny…

Eisoptrophobia – Fear of seeing oneself in a mirror

Ok, I guess if you saw somebody else in the mirror I could understand this one. Or if you don’t have a reflection and like your steaks really, really rare…that would be something to fear. Beyond that, this is silly. I mean either people are too critical of themselves, too in love with themselves or somewhere in between; but that’s nothing to fear.

Pentheraphobia – Fear of your mother-in-law

Finally, one I can relate to because that IS scary.

41 comments:

lime said...

i'm still waiting for gary larsen's entry to make it into the OED

luposlipophobia: fear of being chased around the kitchen table by wolves, while only wearing socks.

Memarie Lane said...

I can definitely relate to that last one.

VE said...

lime - One of my all time favorite Far Sides! I miss Far Side.

marie - Me too. My mother-in-law came to stay a weekend and stayed a year and a half!!!!

Quickroute said...

Maybe subconsciously I have the first one which is why I'm poor.

I don't think you should be allowed to have a fear of long words unless you can spell Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia!

VE said...

quickroute - Now come on, fess up, you did a cut and paste of that name, didn't you?

Sully Sullivan said...

Well I'm clearly messed right up because I have fear of my gf's mom, rectal diseases and erectile dysfunction. I need to see a doctor quick.

I like your blog. I've bookmarked it and intend on coming back regularly to read and comment. If you need a laugh or wanna kill some time, jump over to my pop culture comedy blog. The URL is...
http://yeahtotallyright.blogspot.com

quilly said...

Defenestraphobia -- Fear of Windows

Megan said...

Holy cow, are there really over 300 documented phobias? That's scary.

Kanrei said...

I am phobophobic: the fear of really silly fears.

Kurt said...

I have about half of those. Plus a few more.

colbymarshall said...

Finally, I know there is a name for fear of mother-in-laws, the most plausible fear on this list!

VE said...

sully - Welcome! I'll definitely check out your site. You've already earned a link by virtue of commenting here (takes me about a week or two to catch up those though) Don't worry about the doctor...who wouldn't have those fears?

quilly - Ha ha. Good ol' Windows. Think of how much blog post material we would be out of without Microsoft!

megan - It's true...and it IS scary.

kan - Good one! I'm a kanophobophobic...fear of your fear of silly fears...

kurt - That explains a lot! Would one of them be fear of details?

VE said...

colby - Learn it, know it, live it! Ha ha ha

Serena Joy said...

I want to state right here in front of God and everybody that I do not suffer from Plutophobia and stand ready, willing, and able to take any cash you're scared of off your hands. I ain't skeered of Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, either -- I just turn 'em into Twisted Linguistics. Medomalacuphobia, on the other hand, does scare me, though not for the same reason it might scare you.:-)

VE said...

sj - Sorry...I've already got those with a fear of wealth taken care of. If I ever get too rich though...you'll be next in line. As to Medomalacuphobia, yes, that's can hit home for both sexes can't it?

Kanrei said...

at least you don't have Kanermindophobia or the fear that my mind is starting to make sense to you.

Sornie said...

I would have thought that Plutophobia was a fear of either small planets or dogs from the Disney cartoon franchise.

Beth said...

Is there a word for a phobia re: a fear of developing a phobia when you read about phobias?
I'd never heard about eisoptrophobia. Now I'm afraid I have it.

VE said...

kan - That's too scary! But I'd be a better gamer if I did...

sornie - Ha! That makes more sense, doesn't it? I have a fear of the lines at Disneyland. Oh, and to be technical...you can't call Pluto a planet anymore...(how silly is that?)

beth - Good one. I haven't checked but I'm sure there is. Also, watch out for the rare circuseisoptrophobia - fear of looking at onceself in those circus fun mirrors...

Jeff said...

I'd leave a longer comment but I have graphophobia, logophobia and logizomechanophobia. I have to find my happy place now.

Jacki said...

What about a fear of stupid people? What is that called?

VE said...

jeff - You're fear of writing, words, and computers are understandable. I've seen your posts ;) Ok, they're better than mine; but I couldn't resist the jab anyway.

jacki - It's called sanity

Theresa said...

My ex used to fall asleep whenever he was in the same room with my mother. I accused him of having Selective Narcolepsy. It was a good way to cope with a mother-in-law.

Sarah said...

LOL great list! I think the fear of mother in laws has got to be the most common. Notice how no one is ever afraid of their father in law?!

VE said...

theresa - He should patent and teach that technique...he'd make millions!

sarah - Hey, you're right? They're already beaten down so I guess they don't have any energy to pry into their kids family business...they're probably all taking naps.

SarahM said...

if you met my father- you would DEFINIETLy have a fear of a father in law. my mom on the other hand, is just plain crazy, so its a healthy fear. great blog. But now im paranoid. oops!

cathouse teri said...

My favorite Far Side phobia:

Anatidaephobia — fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you

I'm with Quickroute. I think I have plutophobia. No, really. I simply canNOT keep money. I have to give it all away. I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, it could be FEAR!

VE said...

sarahm - Welcome. Perhaps you have veblogaphobia - fear of VEs blog posts...

Teri - I'd totally forgotten about that one; it's a classic too! I thank you for giving me your disappearing money by-the-way.

Mr Farty said...

Oh! Oh! *sticks hand up*

I know someone who has dendrophobia.

Can't imagine why...

cathouse teri said...

Oh honey, you are way down the line on the list of receivers. But I'll keep you in mind! ;)

Kelley said...

My fav is Althaiophobia, I keep a bag of them in my car to throw at people.

Oh and dumasaphobia, yet I still come here.

I am cured!

VE said...

Mr. Farty - Takes all kinds I guess

Teri - That's very kind of you

kelley - Good one...fear of marshmallows. Oh, and that other one...that's the one Jacki was looking for...fear of stupid people. Which is why you come here; cause I'm so awesomely smart you can safely stay away from stupid people here. Ha ha

Bonnie said...

Dang! I want to get on the helping people with plutophobia train. I am such a sacrificing individual.

NYD said...

I fear Al Pacino.
There isn't anything listed for that

VE said...

bonnie - Come on aboard. I've already got millions from it!
Plenty of putophobians around to scam...

nyd - That would be scarfaceaphobia!

Anndi said...

I'm afraid of your mother in law too...

Uncivil said...

Plutophobia.......hmmmmm that explains my poor ass redneck status!

RED MOJO said...

proctophobia? yeah. I'm onboard.
Right now I'm suffering from a severe case of blogopostiphobia. Guess what that is...

VE said...

anndi - Ha! And you should be! Actally she ex-mother-in-law...I'm not married.

uncivil - I'm sure there are pills to help.

red mojo - Fear of blog posts?

Anndi said...

Ex mothers in law are even scarier!

Alex L said...

Favorite phobia is Dutchophobia, which is oddly enough the fear of all things dutch... you know cause the dutch are so freaking scary.